Okay, lets hear your 'stupid moments' !!!

[Supragal]

Ooo, I've done a very similar thing!

 

Baking hot summer so had the window open all day, my mate was in the car and I was in a proper bad mood. Neil (the friend) was doing his "too scred to say anything or even move" while I ranted on about whatever it was while I was manoevering the car in the small courtyard behind my mums old shop, went to check how close I was to something behind me by looking out the window so I did the same- full angry power headbut into the now closed window. It bloody hurt! Neil laughed. A lot.

 

He's also done it driving down the street, saw some old college mates so shouted out to them and just as he got their attention went to stick his head out the window, turns out it was half closed so basically he called his mates attention then smacked his teeth into the window. ha.

[STOX]

After one or two drinks on one occasion I mustered a giant crowd around me outside a nightclub (i have no idea why) and to prove how sober I was (obviously) I attempted to perform........ a rolly polly !! Had a big circle of people around, ensured silence and then THWACK. I was later told some minutes later that I had indeed made the attempt but had basically slammed my forehead into the concrete with huge velocity and not actually managed to complete the roll. Just sort of a limp slide sideways.

 

I remember it hurting but not much else.

[J4CK50N]

After one or two drinks on one occasion I mustered a giant crowd around me outside a nightclub (i have no idea why) and to prove how sober I was (obviously) I attempted to perform........ a rolly polly !! Had a big circle of people around, ensured silence and then THWACK. I was later told some minutes later that I had indeed made the attempt but had basically slammed my forehead into the concrete with huge velocity and not actually managed to complete the roll. Just sort of a limp slide sideways.

 

I remember it hurting but not much else.

 

Classic! Feel your pain mate!!!

 

Luckily this was one of my mates that did the following but god how I howled!!!

 

It was a nice hot summers day and a few (probably a load) of us were round at my mates parents house as they were away. There were some patio doors that led out into the back garden. Anyways as the day progressed and more and more alcohol was being consumed the more rowdy everthing got and the louder the music got!!

 

Me thinking that we didnt want to anger the neighbours thought it best to shut the patio doors as it was :-

 

a) becoming a little colder as it was early evening

b) a good way of keeping the sound from reverberating around the neighbourhood

 

Only thing was, I didnt tell my mate who needed something from the back garden. He obviously needed it pretty badly coz he went sprinting through the house like his arse was on fire. He obviously thought that the doors were still open coz he hit them at full speed!!!

 

THWACK!!!!!

 

the glass in the patio door seemed to bend alot, fcuk knows how it didnt smash.

 

He had knocked himself out cold. Me and my other mates were concerned and tried to be serious but we were all just creased up and I personally could neither breathe or see due to the hysterical laughter!!!

 

Needless to say my mate didnt see the funny side at first and thought we had set the whole thing up!!!

[dangerous brain]

Yeesh where do I start?? They don't call me dangerous for no reason lol:)

 

Maximum wow effect has to be the time I set fire to my head and it wouldn't go out

 

We were down Durdle door beach sleeping out under the stars. Big camp fire loads of beef loadsa beers and some chicks (well the various wives anyway). In my mates younger days he had done a lot of fire breathing and had loads of really cool photo's (one of a 3 way 30 ft fireball in black and white looked cool as f*ck). Well in a drunken haze I remembered this photo and also remembered him saying that they used to use unleaded petrol as it tasted best. HMMM whats this I am leaning on I thought??? Oh look a can of petrol that we used to get the fire going how handy!!!

So up I get turn my back on the crowd (trying to preserve the element of surprise here) pick up the can of petrol, grab one of the big anti-mossie candle thingies, get myself a real big swig of petrol (well i wanted a huge fireball to beat all others gone before me) and turn around ready for my big spectacle.

The gang was greeted with a p*ss*d up muppet tottering a little and then a big sort of flash with a woomphing sound in a very localised area around my head. Basically I had way too much petrol in my mouth and only managed to eject it in liquid form about a foot if that so it kind of ignited and sort of flowed to the floor instead of atomising and causing a nice fireball.

 

B*ll*x thought I, what a crapper I have made of that. Then after a couple of moments I thought Hold up I can still see flames??? Realisation head is on fire now uh oh. So I dive on the floor and put my poor little face out on the shale and with a sigh of releif stand up. Hmmmm woomph and I can see flames in front of my eyes again.. UH thinks I and dive back on the floor and again put my face out. Back up I stand and wooomph up goes my head again. Oh FFS screams I and dive on the floor again. All my mates are at this point rolling around on the beach in hysterics at the human comedy birthday cake candle that cant be blown out.

 

Finally one of the girls comes to my assistance and extinguishes the pilot light that was created in the recess below my adams apple.

[terribleturner]

Funny you guys mentioned the closed window thing. When i first bought the Sup, How_Supra and i were driving down to Devon. After a good few hundred miles my legs were starting to ache. So for some strange reason i went to stand up "BANG" as i head butt the roof. Good knows what i was thinking but it gave Sabrina a good laugh.

 

Yesterday im outside hard wiring my snooper into the car. Im about to start soldering a couple of wires into place and i need a better grip of the area im about to do. So because im in the car i decide instead of putting the iron down, i'll let it dangle from my mouth. Should have know this wasn't a smart move . I was consintrating so much on the iron not burning me that i dropped the wire, so i reach over, grab it, and pull my hand back over. Unfortunatly my wrist hit the end of the burning hot metal. OMG!!!! For a good half hour all i could smell was burning flesh and smoking hair. Then the pain kick in

[colsoop]

Quite a short story but still prety high on the stupid scale.

I needed to superglue a light back on to the ashtray and the glue bottle had become all gunked up from previous use so rather than do something sensible like snip the top i decided to chew the top.

Unfortunately i pushed the tube while i was chewing the top and ended up squeezing the entire tube of superglue in to my mouth.

I stuck one side of my lips together and had crusty glue on my teeth for ages, it took five goes with a toothbrush to remove it all

[Jake]

Quite a short story but still prety high on the stupid scale.

I needed to superglue a light back on to the ashtray and the glue bottle had become all gunked up from previous use so rather than do something sensible like snip the top i decided to chew the top.

Unfortunately i pushed the tube while i was chewing the top and ended up squeezing the entire tube of superglue in to my mouth.

See post No. 7 in this same thread mate. I did exactly the same thing!

[dangerous brain]

See post No. 7 in this same thread mate. I did exactly the same thing!

Only you did it much more stupid and much worse

[GeordieSteve]

A few years back I'd been for a night out with "the boys" and had one or two bevvies. I came home to my parents house, turned on the TV and fell asleep, lying down on the chair. My old man heard the TV playing away to it's self downstairs so came down and found me out cold. He tapped me to wake me up... which would have been fine if I had have been pre-10 pints of Guiness. I got a shock and because everything was still a little hazy, I jumped up out of the chair and onto my feet.... well I WOULD have done if my legs weren't dead from lying on the chair! I promptly fell on my arse only to jump up again and again out of shock, every time landing on my backside.

 

It all ended with me falling across the table knocking everything all over and my old man shouting "JUST STAY STILL" at the top of his voice which eventually brought me round.

[colsoop]

See post No. 7 in this same thread mate. I did exactly the same thing!

 

 

LOL that makes me feel better

[MARTIN R]

Didnt do this myself, but whilst camping in Oz we were hit with some unseasonal wet weather. The women a couple of tents down from ours decided a BBQ in her tent was a great idea!!. 15 minutes later her tent was on fire and everyone was grabbing there gear and running for cover.

[Max Headroom]

Once went camping with a few mates, miles from anywhere. Round about midnight needed a leak went out side the tent and and wee'd all over an electric cattle fence. Needless to say it flippin sent a shot through my todger and boy was I sore.

[steady_eddie]

Funny you guys mentioned the closed window thing. When i first bought the Sup, How_Supra and i were driving down to Devon. After a good few hundred miles my legs were starting to ache. So for some strange reason i went to stand up "BANG" as i head butt the roof. Good knows what i was thinking but it gave Sabrina a good laugh.

 

:

this is by far the best

[JustGav]

Ah yes....

 

Mentioning boilers.... I decided to run all my Cat5 cabling for my network and multiroom audio stuff round my old house, using my airing cupboard as the termination point for all the wires...

 

Completed all the rooms in the house...apart from the master bedroom... moved all the cupboards out of the way and began laying the wires..

 

Found the section to the airing cabinet and proceeded to push a screwdriver thru the drywall...of course the inevitable happened and I heard a metallic ting.. got up...walked round to discover my screwdriver was 2 inches longer than the wall, and that the hot water tank was 1 inch closer to the wall than I had thought...

 

So of course in the panic, ran back round into the bedroom and pulled the screwdriver out...

 

Many tubes of instant sealer and about 40 towels later, both upstairs and downstairs began drying out..

 

Moral of the story : Never put a screwdriver into the hotwater tank...and if you do...don't pull it back out again...

[JustGav]

This has to be voted for thread of the year... cheered me up no end

[J4CK50N]

i love it. thought it had run its course, but now seems to be picking up steam again!!!

 

J4CK50N

[Parksy]

Not about me sadly but one of my boys...

 

He went out and bought himself a new (at the time) mk4 golf gti. He had it about a month or so and decided that he wanted some nicer wheels on it so went out and got himself a set of 18s' with tyres.

 

Saturday afternoon came and he decided to swap em over. Jacked the car up and swapped out the drivers side wheels. Jacked the car up to swap the passenger side but decided it was a bit dark and would finish them in the morning, so just left the car jacked on the drive.

 

Sunday morning comes, his wife decides to make some breakfast... oh dear... no bacon!! She promptly goes outside and seeing the golf on the drive blocking the garage realises she is going to have to take his car and not her own... you guessed it. She gets in the car and attempts to pull away minus two wheels!! Try filling that out on your insurance claim form without it sounding stupid!!

[SupraHuman]

This happend about 4 years ago when i was driving a Hiab(crane) wagon for a builders merchant.It was late in the afternoon,about 4ish when i was asked if i could do just one more drop,some blokes neede a pallet of cement lifted on to a scaffold.I sad yeah no problemo,and set off.Got to site at about half 4 and traffic was getting bad by now,so i quickly set up the crane and lifted on to the scaffold,easy peasy.The dude that was to sign for the pallet went back inside the building so i had to chase him for a signature.Got it and went back out side,just to see a bus trying to sqeese past me,told him to chill cos i was leaving now,jumped in the cabin and set off...BANG...WTF was that????Look out the passenger window and all i can see is a bright light.Turns out to be a lamp post bulb.SHIT....i forgot to pull in the crane...it was still fully extended on to the scaffold about 90 degrees out from the wagon,Now this is the best/worst part....it turned out that the builders had 2 portaloos on the second landing on the scaffold.The first one i knocked the roof off,the second one i knocked off the scaffold it did a 360 in the air,fell 2 meters and slammed into the ground on it's side....with a bloke inside.He was screaming his tits off trying to get out bur the impact had jammed the door,had to force it open with a scaffold pole and out came this thing with his pants around his knees ,covered with bog roll,sh*t,p*ss and some blue chemicals they use in portaloo's.Needless to say that everybody from police to the vicar came to have a look and take statements.......not a good day

[Scoboblio]

Great story!

 

Good to see this thread ressurected, it's great!

 

I have a mate who worked in tesco's unloading pallets etc off of the lorries... early one morning he tried to take a short-cut round the barriers that prevent people getting run over. He ran at the nearest section of barrier and attempted to super-hero style vault over it with one hand. The barrier wasn't secured in any way to the others so it collapsed under him, projecting him hand (and face) first into the concrete. He looked like he'd gone 10 rounds with Tyson for a few weeks after that

[Terminator]

Not sure if this fits in here but here goes.

When I was about 8 years old, I was in bed with a fever. My mum came in to take my temperature, shook the glass thermometer, and stuffed it in my mouth. When she took it out all the mercury had gone. I went in to panic mode, thought I would die of mercury poisoning. My mum got the doctor, by ringing from a neighbour’s phone; we were too poor to have one. The doctor came out and reassured me that I would not die. Gave me some awful stuff and to told my to get me to eats loads of white bread on its own and everything would come to pass . I calmed down eat what seemed like half a loaf. Fell asleep. When I woke I felt less like dying, so decided to get up and play with some toys under my bed. I got down on the floor layed down to look under the bed to see loads of very small bead of silver mercury all over the lino floor.

[Ian C]

So back when I had my overfuelling problem, as some of you may recall, things got deeply techie. It got to the point where I wanted to observe the behaviour of the fuel injectors. For this, you need an oscilloscope.

 

They are expensive and fragile, and aren't widely available. But with a bit of good luck in all the bad I was experiencing, Digsy had one on loan (for some reason)! So he pops over one evening and we start figuring out how to use it and how to plumb it all in and what we are in fact looking for. All good fun.

 

I had no free shelf space and not that much room in the garage, so in order to power it and wire it up and see it, it was placed on an empty 25l tub of toluene (about 2.5ft high). Now, this wasn't exactly precarious but it wasn't exactly rock solid either. The toluene tub wobbled about a bit, it was quite light being empty, and we had strung cables from the oscilloscope to the engine bay at knee height. Digsy gives me the run-down, which went roughly like this: "This isn't mine, it's on loan, it costs a fortune, it's fragile, and it's balanced right here with the concrete floor 2.5 foot away".

 

I got the idea - don't break it

 

So we do a battery of tests and get some readings from the oscilloscope and get to a point where I need to take stuff off the engine to get any further.

 

"OK", says I, "It's time for surgery rather than monitoring. That means you are demoted to tool fetch boy."

 

"Ok Dude", says Digsy, "No worries, tool is my middle name!" and immediately turns round and trips over the leads going from the 'scope to the engine bay. As he decks over flailing, the 'scope flies off the toluene tub and crashes into the floor, bouncing a couple of times off the concrete.

 

I'm rendered helpless by being mortified and laughing uncontrollably at the same time - a bizarre sensation that everyone should experience at some point. It was made all the more hilarious by Digsy's last uttered line before trashing the 'scope...

 

Even now I'm laughing from the memory and it was about 18 months ago

 

-Ian

[Pig]

A friend of the families owned a budgi or some little bird thing. One night his wife was down stairs having a couple or more glasses of wine and the bird fell off its perch and was basically dying on the bottom of its cage, she was rather upset at watching this thing suffer so decided to break its neck to put it out of its misery. However, she grabbed the bird with one hand and the head with the other and pulled a tad to hard and pulled its head OFF. Wasnt easy hiding it from her husband the next day. to this day the rest of the family doesnt know! Shhhh

 

Oh and one i still feel bad about: i was 14 and working for a builders (i know meant to be 16 but connections got me in) and was loads bricks into the skip outside, i was trying to equal out the load of the skip a bit so decided to chuck bricks in rather than loads them. Problem being that i chucked one all the way over and it landed on my teachers (nice teacher) BMW and scuffed the bonnet and the windscreen. She had also put her head over the fence and knew i was loading stuff into the skip. Feel really bad because she didnt say anything, i just had the guilt factor every time i saw the nice FIXED car Tempted to go and apologise and offer her payment 6 years on.

[Animal]

Fantastic thread. Really made a shite day a little better. Here's one from me.

 

I have a trike (been off the road for years, though) built from a 1300 Metro engine/sub-frame assembly, so 2 wheels at the front, 1 at the back & full car controls. The 2 seats are positioned centrally in the frame fighter-plane style with the auto gear shift & handbrake on the right hand side.

 

Cut to me posing at the local biker meeting place one Sunday afternoon, I'm getting ready to go whilst still chatting to some folks. I fire the motor up, stood by the side of the trike, stick my left leg over the chassis and blip the throttle. It would have been great if the back of my leg hadn't knocked the damn thing into reverse! It trundled backwards and the front right wheel drove straight up my right shin to the knee. Luckily I was wearing big crosser boots and escaped unharmed. Still get ribbed mercilessly for that one.

[Animal]

Then there's the time at a mates party. He lived at the bottom of a cul-de-sac, on the left. A young lad turned up driving his mum's Metro on L plates with the obligatory 'experienced' driver in the passenger seat. Well, he makes a complete arse of parking in the driveway and manages to hit the concrete gate post, pushing the left wing in just in front of the door hinge. After a few minutes of gently trying to maneuvre out it's clear that he's doing more damage so he gets back out. We're all stood around making stupid comments, as you would, when some bright spark says " it's only a Metro - there should be enough of us to bounce the front end away from the gate post so you can reverse out easily".

 

A sound idea. Which worked perfectly. Unfortunately, the berk had stalled it in reverse. We bounce the front end around, and manage to bump-start the engine. The car sets off back down the road on tickover with me chasing after it trying to jump through the open drivers' window and hit the brakes with my hand. It nearly worked, too. If only it hadn't smashed into the side of next door-but-two's car (with my legs still poking through the window).

 

By this time, the poor lad's in tears, but his mum turned up and was sympathetic and the neighbor was okay, too.

[RedM]

Here is my stupid moment.

 

Scene: Hot sunny day. I'm windsurfing off of Worthing. A strong sea breeze had kicked in and I'm using a 'sinker' and fairly large sail. Had been really blasting along and managed some pretty good jumps. I feel the wind start to drop so decide to head in and call it a day before the board no longers floats and I have to paddle in.

 

Anyway, Worthing has an horrendous shorebreak (it was high tide) and, because I'd been trying to impress this lass who was also windsurfing, I thought I'd try to get off the board over a water outlet (huge pipe surrounded by wooden frame) and appear to be walking on water all the way to the beach.

 

I approach the outlet and prepare to slow. Somehow though I've misjudged the depth of water and catch the skeg (rear fin) of my board on the outlet. I come off the board but land on the outlet. I'm thinking "shit" as the board has now passed over the outlet and is heading toward the shore and is bound to get mangled in the break. I didn't really want a broken mast or worse.

 

I get up and, in my rush to get to the board, I walk/run off the edge of the outlet and get myself into the shorebreak. I surface, totally at the mercy of the waves and find myself heading direct for my own board and sail which has been caught by a fellow windsurfer who had been on the beach and was watching what happened.

 

My gear was safe except....

 

I was thrown into it by the waves and the impact broke the mast and severly winded me and also knocking the other guy to the ground.

 

Worst of all, while recovering and checking the damage, the lass who I had been showing off in front of, walked past and gave me a smile which I knew translated into "you plonker".