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Club Competition #2


mawby
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I'm getting bored now!! Can we tell some jokes to pass the time!!

 

Hows this one....

 

The Letter...

 

Dear David.

 

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

 

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.

 

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore. Whatever the case is, I'm gone.

 

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

 

Your EX-Wife

 

And The Reply...

 

 

 

Dear Ex-Wife, Or Susan.

 

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.

 

I watch football so much to try and drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had that new negligee on because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed £50 from me that morning and your negligee was £49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had won ten million pounds on the National Lottery, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.

 

Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

 

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my 'oh, so loving brother' was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

 

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

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Man goes into a pub with his dog. Landlord asks the bloke can he stroke the dog and whats his name. The guys says yeah you can stroke him and his name if Porky!!

 

Why do you call him Porky? Asks the landlord.

 

The guys replies - Cos he fu*ks pigs!!

 

H.

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