CJ

Well, that wasn't so bad after all. I spoke to the boys via webcam, went for a long walk along the river, had a lazy afternoon then went to my next door neighbours for a sumptuous home cooked Indian meal with loads of alcohol. 10 bottles of lager, half a bottle of wine and loads of port later - i am home!

I stand by what I wrote earlier - a great artist and performer. I never wrote that he was a saint.

What a great shame. A truly great artist and performer.

I said I felt strange - not suicidal

This is the first year I haven't seen my sons on Christmas day. They are now older (19 and 15) and live with their Mum in Wales. I normally go down on Christmas Eve but as they were both going out this year, they didn't stay up before Christmas. I'm bored already!

Well, I reckon my effort reached "snakes belly" level

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ? It's Christmas, Eve ! What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ? The letter "D" ! Who delivers cat's Christmas presents ? Santa Paws ! Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ? Because it soots him ! How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ? Stacks !

The snow guy is soooo funny!

I have a VS here that I would swap. It is currently sitting with Knight racer.

That was the problem - thanks for the help

For some reason the settings in my Outlook program seem to have changed. Now, whenever I try to minimise Outlook, instead of just dropping to the bottom bar it closes and disappears completely. How do I get it back to as it was?

I think the fact that the last post was 16 months ago kind of suggests it wasn't a starter eh?

Thank you my friend

He replied to say that he was happy for my friends to see his photos. I have now sent this: Hello Razaq I hope this email finds you feeling comfortable if not well. I have tried many times to speak with Mr. Moore but each time I have been unsuccessful. it now seems as if the banks are closed until after Christmas and so i will have to try then. I do have good news though. I showed my friends your pictures and they were deeply saddened to see how ill you were and amazed by your generosity. So much so they contacted local newspapers to tell them about you. They too were absolutely aghast at such a wonderful philanthropic spirit and they in turn contacted the national pres who have been round to interview me. They have taken my story and the photographs and want to run a feature on you. can you believe how wonderful that is? They are hoping that other terminally ill millionaires will also follow your lead and give up their money to charity. Now they want to come and see you to get an interview with you. Which hospital are you staying in? CCJ

Probably a repost - but it made me chuckle. ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS, MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME ... 14th December Dearest Darling John, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a Partridge in a Pear tree. What a delightful romantic gift. Thank you my darling for the lovely thought. With deep affection, Your ever loving Agnes. -------------------------- 15th December My Dearest Darling John, Today the postman brought your very sweet gift of two turtledoves. I'm delighted, they are adorable. All my love, Agnes ------------------------ 16th December Dearest Darling John, Oh how extravagant you really are. I must protest, I don't deserve. Such generosity, three French hens, I insist you are too kind. Your loving, Agnes ------------------------- 17th December Dear John, What can I say? Four beautiful calling birds arrived with the Postman this morning. Your kindness really is too much. Love Agnes ------------------------- 18th December My Dear John What a surprise, today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for every finger. You really are an impossible boy, but I love you. Frankly all the birds are beginning to squawk and get on my nerves. Love Agnes. ------------------------- 19th December Dear John When I opened the door this morning, there were actually six bloody Great geese - laying eggs all over the front step. What on earth do you think I can do with them all? The neighbours are beginning to complain about the smell, and I can't sleep because of the noise! Please stop. Cordially yours, Agnes ------------------------- 20th December What is it with you and these f*cking birds? Now I get seven swans a swanning about the place! Is it some sort of god damned joke? The house is full of bird shit, and the racket !!! I am becoming a Nervous wreck. It is not funny anymore, stop sending these f*cking birds !!! Agnes. ------------------- 21st December OK buster, I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids a milking? It's not enough with all the birds, now I have eight cows crapping All over the house and mooing all night long. F*CK OFF !!!!!!! Agnes. ------------------------- 22nd December Look dickhead - what are you on ?? You're having a laugh. Now I have nine pipers playing shite music constantly !!! And Christ do they play.... When they aren't playing their sodding pipes, they keep chasing the maids through the cow shit. The cows keep on mooing and are treading all over the f*cking birds !!! The neighbours are threatening to have me evicted. Agnes. ------------------------- 23rd December You are a f*cking b*stard !!!! Now we have ten ladies dancing. How on earth anyone can call these whores "ladies" is beyond me, they're pulling the pipers all night long !!!!! The cows can't sleep and now have diarrhoea. My living room is a sea of shit and the landlord has just declared the building unfit for human habitation. F*CK OFF AND DIE JOHN, DO US ALL A FAVOUR !!!!!!! Agnes ------------------------ 24th December Listen shit face - what with eleven lords leaping about the house, shagging me and the maids senseless, I shall probably never walk again. The pipers are now fighting the lords for all the crumpet and resorting to committing sodomy with the cows, the birds are dead and rotting having been trampled during the orgy. I hope you're satisfied ? You wanker Your sworn enemy, Agnes. ------------------------- 25th December You stinking lousy shit !!!! Twelve f*cking drummers, banging their f*cking drums all day long !!!! They have teamed up with the pipers, making one hell of a noise, both lots have been buggering the cows and Christ alone knows what happened to the milkmaids? They've probably drowned in the cow shit by now. The only way I have to saved myself from getting screwed to death is by hiding up in the f*cking pear tree which has been well fertilised by all this shit and has now grown through the roof!!!!! Bollocks to you, Agnes.

Welcome aboard. that looks like a nice car you have just bought.

This may be back up for sale as the customer has now decided he may not have the money for a month or two Unfortunately, I will now not be picking it up until after Xmas so cannot offer viewings until then.

Happy birthday my fellow "crasher"

Happy Birthday "Hammer"

It is sold sorry. Going to Sweden.

Thanks for the replies guys. Jeremy has now managed to sort things out for himself. Cheers

Can I ask if you realise you have put offers over £20,000?

This may have been better posted in the cars for sale section?