bigcol

It will be the fairies mate, wearing 3 toe wellies

Following on from Paul's (Havard) post on the existance of santa i have done the logistics and have found the following 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. 2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. 3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour. 4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that 'flying reindeer' (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.> In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. HappyXMAS

Trust me i couldnt quite believe the wages either every other security company i know pays min wage or at most a quid more, im just glad i can now save up a bit and get my TT and get rid of this vauxhall insignia (not my choice it was a company car)

security supervisor mate, just regular security is paying £10.49 plus shift allowance its madness but i aint complaining

Thank fook, got my 30 day notice of redundancy on the 1st Dec so i was a bit gutted but got a call today to start work for Jaguar/Land Rover on the 4th Jan 37.5 hrs a week 27.5k a year.... hmmmmm decisions decisions lol

Is he???? Whats Animal doing singing xmas carols? must be all that fresh air!!!!!

Has no-one told you Paul??? here is the proof

wouldnt keep a couple of thousand old turkish lira in paypal the scamming robbing a$$holes

sorry guys sold ages ago

ive had worse

My suspicioucly illeagle voterigging skills have been requested again eh? how i can even think of sleeping now voted anyway good luck and make sure you nick the towels if you win

just thought i ask but considering i would be partaking in a kind of voterigging scenario as there any financial recompense for my obvious guilt ridden consience? no? ok voted anyway (how will i ever sleep at night)

A severe weather warning has been issued by the met office, they are expecting two feet of snow by the end of the week

Its been bought by Mr Oyunaboyango who, apparently, is a nigerian prince, he has promised to deposit $3500000 in the breakdown company's account on arrival, it was last seen here.....

Ah but not all parapsychologists claim to have psychic abilities, i certainly dont lol, my view on mediums,psychics etc remains the same its all bollox lol. But there certainly are some things that cant be explained by rational judgement or scientific analysis and thats the part that i concentrate on.

no its actually a degree course in parapsychology from St Andrews University but not being a smart a$$ you wouldn't know that :-) and no we dont sit in dark rooms (except on investigations, which are all over the place, just back 6 weeks ago from an investigation in Canada all expenses paid and in January im off to Costa Rica for a fortnight of investigations, again all expenses paid, i love this course its great lol)

No problem with being skeptical at all but dont dismiss it to quickly, ive just finished a degree in parapsychology and i also am a qualifed paranormal investigator and have to agree with most people, its mainly bull$hit and most things can be explained within the realms of science BUT there are some things that ive experienced that are not explainable including private houses that we have been asked to look at, now as for the derek achoras of the world well they are just bollox they talk, breath, and live bollox they are con men, any "medium" (term used very lightly) who charges is 99% fake, they are very good at manipulating people into there way of thinking, it basically is working on the principles of "power of suggestion" and yes they are known to use stooges on stage. Achora was outed as a fake on live tv etc its just a pity more of them were outed it would save vunerable/grieving people money and false hope. But as an investigator i must say i am not one of the creaky floorboard brigade, i go to an investigation with an open mind and with a view of disproving what is supposedly going on, sometimes though you just cant explain things with a logical or scientific answer

Pah, pussies mate, the wigan massive will sort them vodka swigging, borscht munching, sweaty pikey inbreds out. (pm me for Havard's address, we will meet them there ;-))

i blame the immigrants

Thank you your the first lol. everyone who decides i am a racist i will donate 10p to help the heros, so i expect some abuse now :-)

Back and twice as controversial :-) anyway give it 12 months and we wont have a royal family, we will have a maharaja and mad mullah in charge!!!!!! (waits patiently for chants of "racist" lol)

Well i have to agree but "one couldnt condone t-bagging or felching could one" besides being half german anyway they are bound to be into hairy armpits and skat films...... To be honest does anyone really care about a royal wedding apart from 75% of fat yank tourists, 0% of Australia and a handfull of "jellied eel eating, cor blimey guvnor" southern poofs :-) (just to let you know i have actually moved so you cant brick my windows or have me thrown in the tower)

Wuss. ive got 26 and i didnt cry next time try having your elbow joint and back done, now thats a Mr T moment, paaaaaaaaaiiiiiin

can you give me some details on the dining table cheers, col

All the best Paul, havent seen you for ages but im working away all the time, have a pint for me, back later today going watching Hallowed at the plough but probably too loud for you mate