A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers, "I don't weally fink my pet pyfon gives a phlying phuk."
Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself in a mirror. Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight was depressing her. In an act of desperation, she decided to call on help from God.
"God...if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you," she prayed.
And just like that, her ears fell off.