ivan Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 They are: 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below along with possible responses. Question 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I have been a bit pensive darling. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Nothing b. Football c. Jennifer Lopez d. How fat you are e. How would I spend the insurance money if you died Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you" Question 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is necessary, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include: a. Oh yeah, **** loads b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what you mean by love d. Does it matter e. Who, me? Question 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!! " Among the incorrect answers are: a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you d. I've seen fatter e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question 4: Do you think she is prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!!" Incorrect responses include: a. Yes but you have a better personality b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age d. Define "pretty" e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer of course is "Buy a Ferrari and a boat") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow up questions, usually along these lines: WOMAN: Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry? MAN: Okay, I'd get married again. WOMAN: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face) MAN: (Makes audible groan) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can't. She's left-handed. WOMAN: ..silence... MAN: Oh, S***. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim_supra Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Very good, like them alot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 hahahaa good one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caliAl Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edd_t Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 thats pretty good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scoboblio Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can't. She's left-handed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rob wild Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 LOL might have to write a few of those down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cable Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Right I'm gonna try some of the alternate responses tonight and see what happens. I will try and let you know what occurs but I'll probably be sleeping in the shed tonight lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobSheffield Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redtwinturbo Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 lol brightened up my evening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
black cat Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 superb!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkTheBoy Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 He he he, I like it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2JG Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 thats quality! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ECK Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 you have issues? excellent nice wee cheeky grin now lol:eyebrows: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oly Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 like it /vbb/images/smilies/bbcode_grin.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangerous brain Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 I like the Al bundy quote. I think I might have to bone up on some of his other quotes as they were classic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? here's how I'd tackle these loaded questions: 1. You (what else?) 2. If you have to ask, then why? (confusing and reversing. buys you time to start another subject) 3. Does the Pope shoite in the woods? As above. 4. Didn't notice her, sorry (yeah right....) 5. Cry and possibly die soon afterwards (she can't tell then, can she?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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