Hi Jake
Lets look at this logically.
I don't remember you saying that the car has always done this, so if it's suddenly started doing it, its unlikely to be valve stem seals. They don't "blow" as such, just gradually wear. You start off noticing a small amount of smoke and it gradually gets worse over the course of time. Valve stem seal problems are more pronounced with the throttle closed, on the overrun, due to the oil being drawn into the cylinders by the high vacuum.
For the PCV system to be causing major problems, it really needs to be completely blocked. You can test this by running the engine and removing the oil filler cap. If you get a hiss as all the pressure is released, then you may have crankcase ventilation problems. Alternatively you can temporarily disconnect on of the breather hoses on the cam cover, and as long as the car will run, just take it for a short drive. If it still smokes you know its not excess crankcase pressure, because you're venting to atmosphere.
Be mindful of the fact that you may get some oil out of the cam covers whilst driving.
Maybe a leakdown test would help diagnose whether the rings are OK, but it sounds more like oil control rings, than compression rings, so it may not show up the problem.
As for the turbo, oil seal problems with turbos normally manifest themselves after the car has been sitting idling for a while and you blip the throttle. Have you tried doing that?
Otherwise you're probably down to trying to beg, borrow or steal a turbo from someone else to try on your car.
I must admit to having a nasty feeling that it is probably turbo related. I'd probably do the easy checks first to try and eliminate everything else, but it wouldn't surprise me if the turbo ended up being the culprit.
It's either that or something nasty internal Didn't this happen just after a mapping session?
Good luck with it Jake.
If you want to bounce any ideas around feel free to give me a shout.