Getrag Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Everyone has said things that they wish they could suck back in... I said a clanger yesterday. I had to delegate a piece of work to a female member of staff. I then went on to tell her that she'd been fingered for it..... Lol, had a good laugh about it after. What have you said.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nickyboy Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 I have done one of the worst!!! I used to work for a large accountancy firm back about 5 years ago when they were laying off some middle management - very rare for the big firms. My manager starting packing up at 2.30pm on Friday so I did the watch tap and shouted across the office "knockin off a bit early aren't you Ian?" and he came over, patted me on the back and said "I've been made redundant Nick". Oooooooooooooops Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tone Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 A girl at my work bought some mince pies in at xmas. A lad asked her if he could eat the crumbs out the bottom of the tin and her reply was 'keep your tongue away from my box Ian...' She was completely oblivious to what she'd said! Another good one was when she was talking about a local butcher who always gave her free stuff or as she put it 'slips me a bit of meat now and again'... again, no comprehension of what she'd said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeordieSteve Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Someone swung their door open as I was driving past them while driving a member of staff and the bosses wife to hospital (the member of staff having taken an overdose the night before). Now I hate it when people do this so shouted "whats the matter? Are you bloody suicidal or something?". Needless to say she didn't come back to work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Not said by me, but a colleage, December 2000. We were in Germany on a five week detachment receiving training on a new aircraft type. On the first day at the German airbase the instructor was going through the usual "domestic" site induction (where the toilets are, crewroom, parking arrangements, :blahblah: ), he starts to say "In the case of a fire..........." At which point my colleague jumps in and says "I'd make like a Swastika (ie running) towards the door!" After a considerably long pregnant silence the intructor just picked up where he left off (whilst continuously staring at my colleage). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animal Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 A girl in my old office, instead of answering the phone 'Good Afternoon', once picked the phone up and said "Wendy Emmett, good after nine". Class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 I once answered an external call, dropped the phone shouting "shit, bastard f*ck" in doing so, then picked up the phone and said "Good afternoon...." A colleague had to tell me that I'd done it as I was completely oblivious. I thought they sounded a little odd on the phone. Another one was a woman that worked with us had a company car. Only just had it new. A tile fell off her roof and landed on it. The aerial got ripped off somehow and then the third thing happened. I proclaimed to the office "God, she really looks after that car doesn't she?" to which the response from behind the partition was "Yes, I DO actually!".... Cringe... We have a customer nick named chubby fat f*ck. Not the nicest nick name. One of our staff members only said to his face "Hello Chubby f...."and just managed to stop themselves. We had to stop giving customers nick names after that. I started to keep a phrase log of stupid comments: "In future don't sell to France cos I can't understand them!" - Hedley 18/12/2003 "uh uh uh u u h u ooeoee oho" - David H "It's not worth being sniffed at" - Hedley 26/03/2004 Lisa Hedley - "You really are being very diplomatic and tactile this morning aren't you?" Hedley - "I'm not being very tactile...No." 03/06/2004 "Davids surname - is it cox or cocks?" - Lisa 03/06/2004 Kay - "Can I have an elastic band please?" Katie - "No, Fuck off!" 04/06/2004 "I'd love to live in the shire I would" - Lisa 08/06/2004 "Is Stingray something like Thunderbirds?" - Kay 10/2005 "Can you please change Anna Lavells name in the tech system. It says Anal." - Chris 20/10/2005 "You don't seem very happy" - Trevor to PaulB 21/10/2005 Only funny if you know what a miserable bast PaulB was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 I once answered an external call, dropped the phone shouting "shit, bastard f*ck" in doing so, then picked up the phone and said "Good afternoon...." A colleague had to tell me that I'd done it as I was completely oblivious. I thought they sounded a little odd on the phone.QUOTE] My friend had had a row with her husband and had slammed the phone down on him. Later on she received a call on her direct line and it showed what she thought was his number - she answered the phone with 'what do you want w*nker??' it turned out to be little old lady buying a house - i've never seen someone turn to a shade of white that quickly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edd_t Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 i worked in a garden nurseie whilst in college. i was one of the poor kids that had to carry bags of manure and put it in some little old ladies car boot. was having a really hectic day once and Jenny on the tills called me up on my walkie talkie to get me to carry something for someone. i think torets jumped in and i ended up saying 'f**k off Jenny' instead of 'go ahead Jenny'. neadless to say ALL the walkie talkies in the place were on the same frequancy, so every employee heard including my boss, and half of the que at the tills heard too! shame, cos Jenny was fit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
black cat Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 i girl on reception needed a cable manager putting in a desk top, the sales girl said to the entire office, iam not going to order it untill i find out how big her hole is. :rlol: was a great moment. tt steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Dave: "What's Nick's Last name?" Me: "Nick who?" Dave: "Nick Jones" WTF? Being introduced to new girl in the office: "Hi, You've got some biro ink on your face there love: New girl: "It's a birthmark" My ex-boss: "The americans are taking disaster recovery a lot more seriously since seven eleven" Same boss: "Neither will work - it's Catch forty two" Same boss: "Yep no problem, get the request into to me and I'll set The Wheels Of Motion into . . . errrr . . . well, we'll get on with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonball Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Sitting in a school governors meeting (my daughters school - me parent governor etc) 16 of us round an open 'U' desk seating Battleaxe Headmistress (Voice that can shatter glass acrosss the school playing fields, champion lacrosse, 5ft tall, huge thighs and brogues etc etc) complains she has had a headache all day Me pops up with the immortal line 'why dont you try a FEMIDOM... that will cure it...' Stunned silence...withering stare...incredulation...jaws agape 'I beg your pardon?' 'Ah...err...um...I meant to say..err...Fermident...err..well I heard it on the radio - some new wonder headache thingy...err...' My contributions for the rest of the meet were somewhat muted... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 First day in the office in Italy I was being introduced to everyone, and one of the women says "Hello I'm Juicy" (Pronounced juicy, no idea how it's spelt) and before I could stop myself I said laughing "No really, what's your name?" She looked at me a little put out, and said "But my name is Juicy" I never did find out if she lived up to her name.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Bit complex this, this guy at college was nicknamed Chubb, because he did site security warden duties on campus, he really fancied this girl called Rachel, who we kinda knew, who was slightly overweight, not much though just not a size 8. Anyway over time he'd convinced us how beautiful she was, and she really was TBH. Anyway her nickmane was Chubb-Thing (It's a chubb-thing, da da da, da da da, it's a chuuu-ahah--uubb thing) because he had a "thing" for her. (It's a love thang) Just at the end of term we were all sitting in a lecture when she walked past us when another mate said "Hello Chubb-thing" to her. Shock horror the secret nickname was spoken in public!!! When she came back to term after summer, she was PAINFULLY thin, anorexic looking, she dropped out that year. I think we did it to her:ImSorry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 'why dont you try a FEMIDOM... that will cure it...' The other day I was waiting in the snack shop for a sandwich and she asked me "Is it a large one?" Of course I couldn't resist and had to say "That's a bit personal isn't it?".... She was soooooo not amused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Walker Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 This is a brilliant thread Jake, the ex-boss sounds a lot like my last one! Gaz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Ah, another one. I used to work as a bike mechanic in Halfords and customers always used to complain how fast their kids grew up and needed new bikes all the time. This one time (at band camp) I responded to this guy who was pushing his little daughter round on a tricycle, "You could always take her to a back street surgeon and get her pituatary gland removed. that would stop her growing":tumble: It was touch and go for a moment whether he was going to leather me, and I never turned my back on him while I checked over the bike he bought. Never lost the sale though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 They're coming thick and fast now. I had this travelling salesman on the phone once, I was trying to get a quote for automatic doors. He said "When I get to my hotel room tonight, I'll knock one out for you" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 OMG - i've kicked off one this morning where one of the girls tried to send work my way - sent back saying do it yourself or pass to another person if you cant be arsed... she threw tantrum and walked out... now i'm in the shit... got appt with line manager at 4.... i'll claim character assasination Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 MUHAHAHAHHA - SHE Got Owned my boss agreed it was a mountain from a molehill, i listed her ........... flaws ... and now she is on a warning for it - what a result! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaymdee Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Years ago me and a mate walk into a Sony shop as his Walkman's been playing up. Now this place was run by a couple of rather camp guys, one of which (I think the manager) came over and said: "hello, and what can can we do for you today?" To which my mate replies "I'm wondering if you can fix my Walkman" "Well what seems to be the problem?" With a puzzled look on his face, as though it's obvious, my mate says "well, it's f**cked" Cue shudder from shop manager and excalaimation of "...ooh..." J Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeordieSteve Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Just remembered. I was having a look at a problematic spreadsheets the other day with Kevin (manager) and Mark (director). Mark was walking backwards and forewards so Kevin announces "for f**s sake it's like being in a concentration camp in here with you! Your like Hitler... AND you'd have shot the lot of the ba**ards". He went veeeery quiet when he realised Cezary... one of our Polish employees was sitting right beside us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Walker Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 one of our Polish employees was sitting right beside us Oh dear! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lewis Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 I was once credit checking someone over the phone, her husband had a CCJ for car credit - I kept refusing her credit but she seemed to genuinely not know why I was refusing. You can't tell them but you can *hint* and so I was saying "have you got a car possibly", "do you keep all your house and car payments in order etc" she still had no idea. In the end the conversation came to a close and I hung up and said to my colleague "ffs, as if you are stupid enough to not know that your husband doesn't pay his f'king car payments, stupid bitch!" ...... I then hear a muffled "David you bstard, whats all this about a car you havent paid for" I now double check that the phone is back properly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 In the end the conversation came to a close and I hung up and said to my colleague "ffs, as if you are stupid enough to not know that your husband doesn't pay his f'king car payments, stupid bitch!" ...... I then hear a muffled "David you bstard, whats all this about a car you havent paid for" You just caused me to laugh out loudly in the office and everyone knows I'm not working. Oops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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