Have you been abducted?

[Thorin]

Fear not, help is at hand, you can now prevent further abductions by making your own Velostat Helmet.

 

http://www.stopabductions.com/

 

Disclaimer : may not work on Alien-Human hybrids.

 

 

 

There's some other useful info on there too. Ladies please note that Vitamin C can kill implanted alien foetuses, and the aliens apparently don't like strong cheap perfume.

[supra steveo]

lol what a bunch of nerds

 

hey speaking of nerds any one remember those sweets you used to get mmmmmmmmm

[Lbm]

And if the alien knocks your hat off, what then?

 

I'm tempted, but...

[Thorin]

And if the alien knocks your hat off, what then?

 

Your cheap perfume will repel them!

[Lbm]

Your cheap perfume will repel them!

 

Bugger.

 

Do they gift wrap them?

[Tannhauser]

Excellent. I like this bit of marketing:

 

"Since trying Michael Menkin's Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society.

 

My life is better than ever before. Thank you Michael for the work you are doing to save all humanity."

 

Coincidentally, the book I have open on my desk this moment tells me:

 

The Roper Poll (Hopkins et al, 1992) found that about 1 in 50 Americans claimed to have had an experience of alien abduction (that's nearly four million of them). A CNN/Time poll (1997) found that 64% of Americans believed that aliens had made contact with humans.

 

And these are the people in charge of the most insanely powerful conventional and nuclear arsenal in human history.

[Tannhauser]

And if the alien knocks your hat off, what then?

 

That really did make me laugh. Very good.

 

Edit to add:

 

I take it back. The designers have already encountered the problem:

 

he thought screen helmet has effectively stopped several types of aliens from abducting or controlling humans. Only four failures have been reported since 1998.

 

Two of those failures were encounters with alien-human hybrids. In 2005, a cloth helmet with a smaller area of Velostat, which had a Velcro strap, was easily removed by an alien-human hybrid. Another failure occurred in 2007 when two alien-human hybrids snuck up behind a frail woman, tackled her, and forcedly removed her helmet. These alien-human hybrids are described in The Threat by David Jacobs and in Sight Unseen by Budd Hopkins.

 

The helmet still works for people being abducted by aliens, but not by their alien-human hybrids who are now integrating into our societies.

[Lbm]

It's a shame really, otherwide a much needed and robust product is available.

 

I like the idea that the visitors have the technology to arrive possibly from billions of miles away, but a mere stap on hat could give many of them problems.

 

If the hat manufacturers were to do a deal with the fashion houses, and remove the actual practical application then I'm sure they would sell like hot cakes.