CJ Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 I had some carpet fitting chaps round the house today and during a conversation, the one came out with a classic. In the best Swiss Tony type delivery he said: "Carpets and women are very similar. If you lay them right the first time you can walk on them for years after" Well it amused me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Excellent. I can't believe people really come out with this stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesmark Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 thats brilliant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Some Swiss Tony quotes: (Yours is in there CJ) * Being in a car crash - Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. Pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible. * Washing a car - Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge. * Laying a carpet - Laying a carpet is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous, like me, you might like to try an underlay. * Putting up a tent - Putting up a tent is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole and slip in to the old bag. * Going fishing - Of course, As you know, I'm a very keen fisherman myself. You know, I've often thought that going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag. * Being in therapy - And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money. * Making coffee - Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir gently and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk. * Checking a second hand car - Checking the details of a second-hand car is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, verify her year of origin. She may look like she rolled off the production line in 1990 but who's to say the fellow before you didn't give her a good spraying? * Hanging wallpaper - Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork. * Buying jewellery - Buying jewellery for a beautiful woman is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman. First you check the size of her ring to make sure it will fit. Then you end up giving her a pearl necklace. Although Swiss has also been seen to slip in his metaphors, with: * Answering the Phone-Answering the phone, Paul, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You...pick up...the receiver...speak loudly and clearly...oh, and remember to leave your home number...(To himself) You're losing it toni... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 I think it would read better if you replaced the women part with man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 I think it would read better if you replaced the women part with man. Hmmmm...... Nah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Hmmmm...... Nah! No really, I'm sure it would be more factually correct that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJ Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 I think it would read better if you replaced the women part with man. I tried that and it just sounds false and unbelievable Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 I tried that and it just sounds false and unbelievable But the first one is definitely wrong. Men can never do anything right the first time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian C Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 yes we cna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian C Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Yes we can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scoboblio Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 haha good find cj charlotte - arguing with a group of men is like making love to a beautiful woman.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian R Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 don't tell me I bet the carpet fitter was divorced Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 don't tell me I bet the carpet fitter was divorced Or *thinks* he wears the trousers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Walker Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 If he's 6ft 10, what he says - goes Gaz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 If he's 6ft 10, what he says - goes Gaz. you'd think.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MONKEYmark Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 a bloke at work had same saying on a mug but was "tiles and women are very similar. If you lay them right the first time you can walk on them for years after" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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