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THE YEAR'S BEST [allegedly actual] HEADLINES


CJ

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THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES

 

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

[imagine that...]

 

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

[Hard but fair]

 

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

[Tut tut]

 

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

[Those pandas are so cute]

 

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

[Lazy bastards]

 

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

[Worth giving it a go]

 

War Dims Hope for Peace

[Yes, it does that]

 

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

[You think so?]

 

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

[Who'd have thought it?]

 

Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

[No shit, Sherlock?]

 

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

[stronger than sticky back plastic]

 

Man Struck by Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

[Put him to work while he's still twitching]

 

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

[You lot are just not fat enough]

 

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

[stinking space fella]

 

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

[Tastes a bit like chicken, apparently]

 

And the winner is....

 

 

 

Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

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