Off Topic Topics

[ellis]

Heard yesterday!!!

 

1. They say that life begins at forty. What bollocks. A mate of mine died in 1983. Last week would have been his fortieth birthday and there's still no sign of him.

 

2. Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on the telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never once saw his lips move. Genius.

 

3. Every time I use my local NatWest cashpoint, the screen says 'You have not been charged for this transaction'. Yet when I check my statement, I find without fail that I have had ten pounds debited for every tenner I withdraw. No wonder the banks are raking it in.

 

4. I didn't think it was possible for Ocean Finance to find an uglier set of people to appear in their new adverts than the last lot, but somehow they've done it. Well done Ocean Finance.

 

5. I was shocked to realise that I was drinking more alcohol than recommended in Department of Health guidelines. I decided to do something about it, so I quickly drew up my own set of guidelines and I am now well within the recommended level of intake.

 

6. Shoes last twice as long if only worn every other day.

 

7. Bird lovers. Save money on wild bird food this winter by fitting a bird feeder to the inside of your window. You only need to fill it once but you will enjoy watching the birds at your window every day.

[roboldham]

Viz rocks

[ivan]

7. Bird lovers. Save money on wild bird food this winter by fitting a bird feeder to the inside of your window. You only need to fill it once but you will enjoy watching the birds at your window every day.

LOL

Reminded me of that advert with Vinnie Jones. He hung up a bird feeder inside his window and the birds all went splat trying to get to the food. Can't remember what the ad was for, but it made me laugh like crazy at the time...