Emails

[ivan]

Just been sent this

 

 

 

> My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this

> past year........

>

> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about

> rat shi-i..t in the glue on envelopes because I now

> have to use a wet towel with every

> envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to

> scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

>

> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a

> sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the

> hospital for the 1,389,258th time.

>

> I no longer have any money at all, but that will

> change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill

> Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for

> participating in their special e-mail program .....

>

> Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me

> to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a

> long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

>

> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214

> angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena

> has granted my every wish.

>

> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though

> I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

>

> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get

> answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends

> and make a wish within five minutes.

>

> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola

> because it can remove toilet stains.

>

> I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along

> to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my

> back seat when I'm filling up.

>

> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will

> drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

>

> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask

> me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill

> with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and

> Uzbekistan.

>

> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine

> because a big brown African spider is lurking under

> the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my

> bum.

>

> And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up

> the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it

> probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting

> underneath my car to grab my leg.

>

> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000

> people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with

> diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this

> afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest

> your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

>

> I know this will occur because it actually happened to

> a friend of my next door neighbour's

> ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's

> beautician.

>

> By the way....a South American scientist after a

> lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ

> who have infrequent sexual activity always read their

> e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

>

> Don't bother taking your hand off now, it's too

> late..

>

[broomie]

Class!

[hoff]

[Godmutha]

[kieren1234]

hehe

[Sparky]

Bugger i had my hand on the mouse. God Dammit! LOL