jamesmark
31-01-07, 16:31
Ok am really bored so here are some bad jokes.
jumper lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm
and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
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Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
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Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
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"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
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A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
-------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there
are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I
think it's Colin.
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I went to buy some camoflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
-----------------------------------------------------
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the
steaks are too high.'
--------------------
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied,"I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
--------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
----------------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
jumper lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm
and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
-------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
-----------------------------------------------------
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there
are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I
think it's Colin.
-----------------------------------------------------
I went to buy some camoflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
-----------------------------------------------------
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the
steaks are too high.'
--------------------
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied,"I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
--------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
----------------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh