View Full Version : Okay, lets hear your 'stupid moments' !!!
Hi all,
I probably watch Home Improvement far too much, but I've certainly had my share of Tim the Toolman Taylor moments ! For example.
I used to have an old Suffolk Punch lawnmower. Yes a 14" electric would've done, but if it ain't 4-stroke - I don't wanna know ;) Anyway, a number of years ago I dug this out of the shed for the first mow of the year. Cleaned the plug, checked the oil etc but the bugger wouldn't start. I diagnosed stale petrol so emptied the tank and filled it up with fresh petrol, it then started no problem.
However, what to do with the old petrol ? Well I thought I'd just tip it down the drain near the house. With this done, I then thought 'that probably wasn't a good idea' so decided to, er, get rid of the petrol................cue lit match :eek:
Well at first I wasn't worried, okay my drain was on fire but I thought the petrol would just burn away and job done then out of no where BANG - WTF was that !!! Despite me shatting meself at this point, there was no damage and I still have no idea what went bang. I did have visions of water gushing up from the toilets and plugholes in the house tho :D However, just when I started to calm down BANG :eek: NOW I'm starting to worry, visions of burst pipes and neighbours screaming about rising waters etc
Thankfully, that was the end of it and I survived my Darwin Award moment. But I'm sure I'm not the only one to have daft moments, so lets hear 'em :D
Matt
Gaz Walker
21-03-05, 11:38
Thats great, I just spat my coffee all over the laptop... :D
Classic :D
I once turned a camp gas fire on when really cold lit the match but it snapped - too short to use. So, instead of turning the gas off I take a few moments to get another match out, strike it and hold it to the fire.............
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH
Whole column of flame shoots up and completely singed my eyebrows and front of my hair off! :eek: Somehow the eyelashes survived!
What was worse was having to go to school 2 days later...... :twak:
LMAO those are great :thumbs:
i had a stupid lawnmower experience too. A few years ago i popped over to my grans house to mow her lawn, she had one of those old Qualcast electric mowers with the whirling blades of death on the front. I was happily mowing away when i accidentally went straight over the power cable, the blades of death flicked the live cable straight at me and my first reaction was to try and catch it :blink:
i can remember a bang and a big blue flash, then the next thing i can remember is waking up 6 foot away from the mower on my back with a 1" diameter burn on my left palm! :stupid:
funnily enough im not a great fan of mowing the lawn anymore :p
I'm sure you had it plugged into am RCD circuit breaker, though?? ;-)
I was using a petrol rotovator that had a reverse gear and the blades at the back. I nearly rotorvated my feet off when I put in in reverse and then couldn't get it out again. The damn thing pinned me against the fence and between its big chopper-style handlebars. No way out!
Luckily I managed to shut it down before it turned me into a dwarf. :eek:
I once tried to bite the end off a tube of Superglue that had got clogged up. As I snapped the crusty bit off a load of the glue went into my mouth and stuck my top teeth to my bottom teeth, my top lip to my bottom lip, my lips to the front of my teeth and my tongue to the back of my teeth.
It took bloody ages of soaking my face in celulose thinners to get the superglue off as well.
Another time I went to a fancydress party as BA Baracus from the A Team. My GF was supposed to get me some of that make-up stuff to make you look black but she couldn't find any, so at the last minute I decided to use brown boot polish. Off we went to the party, me in green overalls - cut off the biceps, fake mohican, massive chain borrowed from my Dad's tow truck and sprayed gold, and all visable skin covered in boot polish.
I woke up the next morning still in my outfit and with cripling back and neck ache from wearing the massively heavy chain. I then staggered to the bathroom and found out that boot polish doesn't come off human skin if it's been left on for like 12 hours. :eek:
Frightening and yet hilarious :D Love it :D
Oh, and this I once tried to bite the end off a tube of Superglue that had got clogged up. As I snapped the crusty bit off a load of the glue went into my mouth and stuck my top teeth to my bottom teeth, my top lip to my bottom lip, my lips to the front of my teeth and my tongue to the back of my teeth. has left me in tears in the office !!!
SupraStar 3000
21-03-05, 13:23
this is a great thread :)
ROFLMAO
Jake, the superglue episode had me in fecking hysterics - brilliant story :respekt:
the superglue episode is absoloutely fantastic, the office loved that one :thumbs:
SupraStar 3000
21-03-05, 13:34
We had a little yellow but VERY angry canary when I was young.
He wouldn't let you near him let alone try and cut its claws.
One day before bed I decided to cover the bottom of the cage and perch in sandpaper and thus sand the little fellas nasty claws down.
In the morning the poor guy was dead and had gone down a few notches in shoe size. In fact .... he didn’t have any feet left, just a couple of stumps
I hope the RSPCA don’t read this :(
We had a little yellow but VERY angry canary when I was young.
He wouldn't let you near him let alone try and cut its claws.
One day before bed I decided to cover the bottom of the cage and perch in sandpaper and thus sand the little fellas nasty claws down.
In the morning the poor guy was dead and had gone down a few notches in shoe size. In fact .... he didn’t have any feet left, just a couple of stumps
I hope the RSPCA don’t read this :(
OMG! That's Shocking..................
Though when I was really young I once put my hamster (pepsi) in a shoe box and pushed it down the stairs - (I thought it would glide down and Pepsi would enjoy the ride). Unfortunately it didn't glide down (more like bounced, rolled and flew down) - the little fella was okay though - once he regained the use of his back legs......OMG how cruel!!!! :tumble:
Everyone else you've cracked me up this morning.
I really don't think children should be allowed pets, they're always horrible to them!!
Classic thread :thumbs:
I once tried to bite the end off a tube of Superglue that had got clogged up. As I snapped the crusty bit off a load of the glue went into my mouth and stuck my top teeth to my bottom teeth, my top lip to my bottom lip, my lips to the front of my teeth and my tongue to the back of my teeth.
OMG, my sides are still hurting after reading this and the tears are just drying up.
People at work wondered what the hell was going on, and I was laughing so much I couldnt tell them properly.
At least you can look back on it with humour!!!
Cheers
J4CK50N
Aerotop Dave
21-03-05, 14:01
I once stuffed a piece of Lego up my nose to practice picking bogies. Unfortunately it got stuck and didn't come out again until 2 days later (I didn't tell anyone, I was too scared of a trip to hospital. I must have been about 7).
For adult stupidity, I took the U-bend off a sink to retrieve something that had fallen down there. The U-bend was full of water, so... yep, you've got it, I reached up and tipped it down the sink I'd just taken the U-bend off...
Jacked up my Ford Escort on one side to change the wheel but just as the wheel started to come off the ground I re-read the manual to check I had jacked it in the right place (thought this was wise as I was just getting to the serious/dangerous bit). Noticed that I was about an inch away from the correct place and decided to physically move the jack along the sill! With a bit of pushing and shoving it started to move but then it slipped and I got my thumb caught between the sill of the car and the top of the jack, with the entire weight of half the car on my thumbnail. Que frantic scrabble for jack handle and a VERY rapid wind down to release thumb.
That hurt for quite some time afterwards actually. Even today I still can't quite work out how my thumb got caught in there.
:looney:
I once when on a water slide in Zimbabwe; this had been made out of oil drums. The seams between them were a bit rough. Having had an exciting ride down the flume I walked nonchalanty past about 100 tourists with my ass in full view; the joins had ripped my shorts away :D
50
SupraStar 3000
21-03-05, 14:11
I once stuffed a piece of Lego up my nose to practice picking bogies.
LMAO!!!!
That sounds like a quote from Ralph Wiggum and the Simpsons!
you have to include that in your sig!!
Its hilarious
Ouch, that jack one sounds nasty, Dave. You're lucky you didn't lose your thumb! :eek:
The Lego up nose thing reminded me of the kid in my class at junior school who rolled up the silver foil from a packet of Polos into a sausge shape and put it up his nose. Of course it got stuck and the kid started crying, much to our enjoyment. He was crying a lot more after one of the other kids 'helped' him by yanking it out along with a lot of the lining of his nose :eek: To this day I've never seen so much blood.
monkey76364
21-03-05, 14:21
PMSL ...This post should have not for office reading in the title, the looks i get as i larf at each os theses !!! :D :thanku:
A few years ago now, I was too lazy to walk all the way down stairs, so I decided to lean over the banister to ask a question, but I leant over to far , and yes you guessed it, somersaulted right over the top and ended up at the bottom of the stairs. All my dad could do was laugh :D
My brother also once got his head stuck in a clothes horse..............oooo how I chuckled at that one. He denies it of course when I bring it up now...... :D rather conveniently forgotten me thinks te he
:swear:
Anyone ever left radio phone open by accidentally leaving it on while their boss listened for 1/2 hour while Ill took the piss out of him.
He called my back to say he would be having a little chat on Monday - gulp
not one of my better moments lol :stickpoke
50
Anyone ever left radio phone open by accidentally leaving it on while their boss listened for 1/2 hour while Ill took the piss out of him.
He called my back to say he would be having a little chat on Monday - gulp
I accidencally hit the "voice memo" button on my PDA last week and recorded about ten minutes of myself singing along to The Music in my car. I almost died of embarrasment listening to it later even though I was completely alone. I only got one minute into the file before I deleted it.
Fame Academy application is now in the bin...
I can't think of anything amusing that I've done. There must be some.
Loving the sink one Dave.
Aerotop Dave
21-03-05, 16:32
Modifying your Supra?
:thanks:
*runs very very fast indeed*
SupraStar 3000
21-03-05, 16:55
Modifying your Supra?
:thanks:
*runs very very fast indeed*
LOL!!!
Thats not funny, it's sickening.
garetheves
21-03-05, 19:47
I once tried to bite the end off a tube of Superglue that had got clogged up. As I snapped the crusty bit off a load of the glue went into my mouth and stuck my top teeth to my bottom teeth, my top lip to my bottom lip, my lips to the front of my teeth and my tongue to the back of my teeth.
It took bloody ages of soaking my face in celulose thinners to get the superglue off as well.
Think that is one of the funniest things i have ever heard. Absolutely brilliant :tongue:
Whitesupraboy2
21-03-05, 20:10
well when i was a nipper 15, i use to be in scouts and you build big fires. I was a amateur and didnt have hiking boots like the other kids :( i had wellies.
well when the fire got down to small flames and very hot embers, we use to kind of walk and jump around on them, we called it the fire dance.
its GREAT...when in hiking boots. wellies i can confirm shrink. So there i am at end of night i go to take my wellies off in middle of field and i cant the things have shrunk to my feet.
By this stage everyone is a bit too drunk and decided it best to melt them off, so they carry me out and dangle my feet over edge of fire to heat up the wellies to pull them off.
...25mins later trip to casulty to have them cut off :D
also when i was 7 caught my tom johnson in my zipper, i refuse to re-live this memory thanks :eek:
also when i was 7 caught my tom johnson in my zipper, i refuse to re-live this memory thanks :eek:
I think every guy on the board just winced.
Installed a vending machine about two year ago and noticed that the light hadn't come on on the front.
On closer inspection I noticed that a wire was hanging down in the door so I grabbed hold of it.
( not yet! )
Whilst holding it I started to look to see where it had come from and in doing so I lent on the door with my other hand. There creating the circuit!
Mate came back into the room after getting something to see me sitting on the other side of the room from the vender looking a little dazed.....
This is just one of many.
SupraStar 3000
21-03-05, 21:20
not me this time, but my dad.
doing some DIY with his trusted Black & Decker belt sander and decided to hold the sander in the work bench using the lock button to keep the belt running at full power whilst he lent over to grab a towel.
Opppsss....
first it grabbed his jumper, then t-shirt and now firmly attached to his clothing slowly ran up his chest and finally started to clog up with junk and stop just under his chin.
I was in the kitchen drinking tea when I saw my dad waddling down the path with a sander and work mate attached to his chest.
After I unscrewed the nuts holding the sander case and cut off his shirt and jumper I managed to pull the unit off. Dad had nice smooth red bar running across his chest
For about a month later I called him robin (as in Robin red breast)
also when i was 7 caught my tom johnson in my zipper, i refuse to re-live this memory thanks :eek
OUCH! :eek: that brought a tear to my eye.
Aerotop Dave
21-03-05, 22:20
Thats not funny, it's sickening.
Awww, sorry deary :(
It will look stunning when it's finished, I'm sure (get the Trial rear btw, that looks awesome and I hate bodykits generally)
:gayfight:
I went to local village store in a very scruffy state one day; threw a fag packet into a bin at the side of the shop and just knew Id thrown a quid with it.
I started to look in the top of the bin for the coin (as you do).
Next thing this old dear comes up and offers me a fiver to buy some FOOD lol
50
terribleturner
21-03-05, 22:40
Sure i've got loads, but i once went pick up my big ginger irish friend in my car before heading off into town for a big night out. Well we're going through Shephards Bush when he says to pull over so that he could go to McDonalds. So he jumps out to grab a burger and i start chatting with my mates. A minute or 2 goes by and eventually he reappears, walks accross the pavement, up to the car infront of mine, opens the door, gets in and closes the door. Now we're laughing our heads off, but he doesn't come out straight away. I tell you, i nearly pissed myself. So he finally re-emerges and comes back to the right car this time. Turned out he got in the car, closed the door and then took a bite of hie burger. He then looked round to a car full of what he discribed as Triads asking what he was doing. Nothing really fazes him, so he just looked around, said sorry and just left.
There's also the time my dad got attacked by a squirrel in out garden and my mum got here leg shaver stuck to her leg.
only one i can think of, i was working in someones house trying to repair their boiler. Had my multimeter out checking to make sure there was power going to the boiler. Its a multimeter with the adjustable dial to change voltage etc. Its usually always on 240v but somehow it had been changed to a lower setting. As soon as i touched the terminals KABOOM! blew myself, my multimeter up and tripped the fuseboard. On my new multimeter ive actually wrote on it to make sure i check the voltage every time i use it! :D
Whitesupraboy2
21-03-05, 23:02
only one i can think of,
lies lies lies :tongue:
hows the car mate, finished since last time (de-arialed etc..)
lies lies lies :tongue:
hows the car mate, finished since last time (de-arialed etc..)
ok ok,ive got a few, actually worse than that but not sure i can put them up :D
Not finished yet mate. Just spent loads on her a month ago (over a grand) and she runs like a new car now but the bodywork still needs to be done. Hope to have it done by May/June :woot:
Whitesupraboy2
21-03-05, 23:07
just in time to sell her :D lol
look forward to seeing it in flesh at summer meet and gonna try to get to pod this year!
Not finished yet mate. Just spent loads on her a month ago (over a grand) and she runs like a new car now but the bodywork still needs to be done. Hope to have it done by May/June :woot:
If you come and sort my plumbing out, you can earn enough to get it doen sooner :thumbs:
This ones about my wife, just last month. She was cleaning and de-greasing the cooker, and found it difficult to wipe all the knobs without loads of gas escaping, so she lit them all while she cleaned and wiped down the front.
She then turned them off to clean the top, and whilst leaning across, her tits fell out of her dressing gown and got burnt on the hot metal griddles.
She ended up with a chest like a Burger King.
I shouldn't laugh, but it was fricking hilarious.
Years ago i used to share a house in Ealing with some friends.
It was a kind of student digs type place and one Easter, the Landlord decided to treat us to a new three piece sofa.
So the old one went out into the back garden. We wnet down the pub for an afternoon drink, and I drank a bit more than usual and was feeling quite jovial.
When we got back i thought it would be a good idea to dispose of the sofa by setting fire to it.
I gave it a few goes but it didn't really go up....then it caught.... :flame: .
Sh1t i thought hmm better put this out before it really goes. So i casually sauntered into the kitchen and came out with a pint glass of water and f*uck my boots it had really got going. Flames were about 20 feet high, next doors fence and garage were on fire and the trees were beginning to catch.
Trumpton duly attended and put the inferno out, but next door's garage and fence were completely gutted. When head Trumpton asked me how it started i thought i'd better tell the truth otherwise investigation...Old Bill....arsonist....
:tongue:
also when i was 7 caught my tom johnson in my zipper, i refuse to re-live this memory thanks :eek:
"WE'VE GOT A BLEEDER!!!!!!!!!" :eek:
:D
This ones about my wife, just last month. She was cleaning and de-greasing the cooker, and found it difficult to wipe all the knobs without loads of gas escaping, so she lit them all while she cleaned and wiped down the front.
She then turned them off to clean the top, and whilst leaning across, her tits fell out of her dressing gown and got burnt on the hot metal griddles.
She ended up with a chest like a Burger King.
I shouldn't laugh, but it was fricking hilarious.
Am FROTFLMFAO @ that one!!! For everything else theres Mastercard!!!!
PMSL!! :D:D:D:D
:needspic: ;)
SupraStar 3000
22-03-05, 00:35
LMAO!!!
this is great, its like 'Pub talk' :)
thought of another one.
board at work and I decide to make a parcel tape base ball for a quick game of catch in the store room.
I chuck this rock hard ball of tape to an another guy and hit him bang in the nuts.
As he rolls around in pain I just watch on laughing.
After he regains composure he throws it back.
So I pick up the ball and before he can react SMACK right in the love spuds again.
I fall about laughing again but this guy starts getting mad. He walks upto this roll of bubble wrap and pulls off a few inches, turns his back to me and shoves it down his pants. With his codpiece in place he goes to through the ball back just as the boss walks in.
I stand to attention and try to look innocent whilst this other guy suddenly realises the large bulge down his pants and pulls the bubble wrap out quickly throwing it away.
......... Unfortunately the bubble wrap wasn’t the only thing that was pulled out!
Yep,..right infront of the boss he accidentally pulls out his little chap.
Wasn’t funny at the time but after the embarrassment I couldn't stop laughing.
This ones about my wife, just last month. She was cleaning and de-greasing the cooker, and found it difficult to wipe all the knobs without loads of gas escaping, so she lit them all while she cleaned and wiped down the front.
She then turned them off to clean the top, and whilst leaning across, her tits fell out of her dressing gown and got burnt on the hot metal griddles.
She ended up with a chest like a Burger King.
I shouldn't laugh, but it was fricking hilarious.
:eek: OMG!
LMAO!!!
this is great, its like 'Pub talk' :)
thought of another one.
board at work and I decide to make a parcel tape base ball for a quick game of catch in the store room.
I chuck this rock hard ball of tape to an another guy and hit him bang in the nuts.
As he rolls around in pain I just watch on laughing.
After he regains composure he throws it back.
So I pick up the ball and before he can react SMACK right in the love spuds again.
I fall about laughing again but this guy starts getting mad. He walks upto this roll of bubble wrap and pulls off a few inches, turns his back to me and shoves it down his pants. With his codpiece in place he goes to through the ball back just as the boss walks in.
I stand to attention and try to look innocent whilst this other guy suddenly realises the large bulge down his pants and pulls the bubble wrap out quickly throwing it away.
......... Unfortunately the bubble wrap wasn’t the only thing that was pulled out!
Yep,..right infront of the boss he accidentally pulls out his little chap.
Wasn’t funny at the time but after the embarrassment I couldn't stop laughing.
hahahaaa loving that one!
This ones about my wife, just last month. She was cleaning and de-greasing the cooker, and found it difficult to wipe all the knobs without loads of gas escaping, so she lit them all while she cleaned and wiped down the front.
She then turned them off to clean the top, and whilst leaning across, her tits fell out of her dressing gown and got burnt on the hot metal griddles.
She ended up with a chest like a Burger King.
I shouldn't laugh, but it was fricking hilarious.
We had a guy from REME on work placement with a similar story. He got bladdered one night and fell asleep at the post-drinks curry. He woke up when his face touched the plate warmer thing in the middle of the table.
He had a small (about half an inch square) griddle shaped scar on his cheek.
LMAO!!!
......... Unfortunately the bubble wrap wasn’t the only thing that was pulled out!
Yep,..right infront of the boss he accidentally pulls out his little chap.
Wasn’t funny at the time but after the embarrassment I couldn't stop laughing.
FPMSL!!! :D
working on a piece of aircraft equipment while "live" 200v 3 phase - with a metal watch on - touched the power supply with watch "kaboom" destroyed £100k of equipment, the test set - knocked me over. but the watch was OK. I now have a watch with a rubber strap.
I was 17 and just started learning to drive. One evening my mother said I could drive her car to collect our old lad from work. I reversed the car partway down the street into the front of a car owned by a visitor to a neighbour. I was made to quickly get out of the car and she went to collect my stepfather by herself.
At the time I was working at an insurance brokers, the next morning the bloke came in for claim form. I stayed at the very back of the office and very very quiet.
It was the last time I was ever to drive one of my mothers cars. She took the blame & lost her NCB. I did learn my lesson though :D
working on a piece of aircraft equipment while "live" 200v 3 phase - with a metal watch on - touched the power supply with watch "kaboom" destroyed £100k of equipment, the test set - knocked me over. but the watch was OK. I now have a watch with a rubber strap.
F88king hell youre even worse than the plumber I just used
50 :tongue:
I was 17 and just started learning to drive. One evening my mother said I could drive her car to collect our old lad from work. I reversed the car partway down the street into the front of a car owned by a visitor to a neighbour. I was made to quickly get out of the car and she went to collect my stepfather by herself.
At the time I was working at an insurance brokers, the next morning the bloke came in for claim form. I stayed at the very back of the office and very very quiet.
It was the last time I was ever to drive one of my mothers cars. She took the blame & lost her NCB. I did learn my lesson though :D
Haha you've reminded me of one, from when I was a lot younger. This guy had a shed of a Polonez FSO, the starter motor was held in by a wheelbrace and it sparked every time he started it. Once day it gave up the ghost so we hadda push start it. As I was the youngest and weediest I got the job of driver, the other two pushed. We charged down the village street and I dumped the clutch as instructed and it started, hurrah. At that point I remembered I was 14 and didn't know how to drive.
-Ian
If you come and sort my plumbing out, you can earn enough to get it doen sooner :thumbs:
Give me a PM mate. Lets see what we can sort out :cool:
Gaz Walker
22-03-05, 21:13
At that point I remembered I was 14 and didn't know how to drive.
-Ian
lmao :D
Lovin' this thead!
Gaz.
dRuNk-mEdIc
23-03-05, 02:48
This is really humilating, ugh........well..here it goes
At my school I was wearing my basketball shorts like usall on those hot cali days, and my friends thought it would be funny to pull down my pants as well as my boxers in front of everyone at lunch when everyone was in the halls :( . So they pantsed me as well as my boxers and there I was without anything cover my big johnny in front of everyone god I fucking beat the shit out of them
dRuNk-mEdIc
23-03-05, 02:58
Sticky this thread its reallllly good lol :thanku:
Aerotop Dave
23-03-05, 09:07
...my big johnny in front of everyone god I f*cking beat the shit out of them
Hmmm, me suspects a little bit of bravado has been added to that story... :D
My version would read 'my little johnny and I ran away crying' :)
Whitesupraboy2
23-03-05, 09:12
This is really humilating, ugh........well..here it goes
At my school I was wearing my basketball shorts like usall on those hot cali days, and my friends thought it would be funny to pull down my pants as well as my boxers in front of everyone at lunch when everyone was in the halls :( . So they pantsed me as well as my boxers and there I was without anything cover my big johnny in front of everyone god I fucking beat the shit out of them
i read this as.....
You'll laugh at this, but i cryed....well here i go
I was at school wearing my tight little shorts, coz i like too. When my so called friend decided he wanted to try on my shorts. Next thing i know he is ripping them off me to only get up to find he has taken my boxer shorts too.:limp: so there i was stood naked and my maggot was blowing in the wind, sufface to say i started to cry and wee'd myself and have not been back to school since
Just my version mate :D
P.s thats get back for the sig :D :p
Keep em coming guys.
This is one of the best threads in ages!!!!
I am sure I have done more embarrassing things but this is one of my most recent!
I was with a girlfriend in her car and she stopped to put some petrol in the car. It was a windy night and she had a bill in the door pocket of her car. Just as she got in and went to close the door the bill with her address details etc flew off and picked up pace in the wind and landed at the other side of a busy road.
I thought to myself I that I'll be a hero and I could get it, forgetting for a minute that I had pulled a muscle in my leg playing football the day before. So I lept out of the car (letting out a yelp as the shooting pain shot up my leg!!!) and went to cross the busy road. I safely navigated the road and went to pick up the bill. So bending down (causing more pain again) to pick it up, got a couple of inchs away and a big gust of wind shifted it again!!!!
"B@stard!" I thought as it landed a few feet away. So over I went this time deciding that I would put my foot on it this time. Got there and went to plant my foot, and low and behold the damned thing shot off again just as I put my foot down.
By this time there were a few people watching, unbeknown to me as now this was getting personal!
Went over to it again and it shot off again. It was like the damned thing was possessed. This time though it really took flight down the road. In hindsight I should have just thought fcuk it and left it but off I set running (ooh the pain) after this bill for a good 100m stopping every so often to try and stand on it.
Finally it stopped in the middle of the road in a bit of a puddle, I thought that I defo had it this time then...........................................
a wagon came past over it, flicked it into the air and then it stuck to the front of the car following it!!!!!
I had been defeated and humiliated. As I trudged back to the car, which had been following me down the road, I got in and the girlfriend was in tears with laughter, and proceeded to tell anyone that would listen for the next few days about this stupid bill!
Lesson learnt - Dont try to catch paper in the wind, there will only be one winner!!!
Cheers
J4CK50N
Glad I've never done anything stupid to share...
...unless you count leaving my keys turned in the ignition (doors auto locked) and then reaching in through the only open window to see if I can press the window up button and withdraw my hand without getting it caught in the window. Turns out you can. Turns out exactly 2 seconds later it dawns on you why you shouldn't. Especially in front of everybody at the Supra stand at Santa Pod, with the only other key fob 100 miles away. :innocent:
:looney:
...unless you count leaving my keys turned in the ignition (doors auto locked) and then reaching in through the only open window to see if I can press the window up button and withdraw my hand without getting it caught in the window. Turns out you can. Turns out exactly 2 seconds later it dawns on you why you shouldn't. Especially in front of everybody at the Supra stand at Santa Pod, with the only other key fob 100 miles away. It's going to take you a while to live that one down!
It's probably worrying that most of my 'moments' include petrol :rolleyes: But here's another.
My missus and I used to go camping in the new forest, I'm far too keen on my comforts now for this sort of escapade but it was a laugh at the time. Anyway, I remember getting ready to start the bbq and these two student-y looking types had pitched their little 2man tent near ours. There they were with their single gas ring encouraging their tin of baked beans to warm up. PAH - that's not how you get dinner going !
So I pull out my barby, charcoal, portable blow torch and.......small glass jar of, er, lighter fluid :eyebrows:
Now I'm sure BBQ's shouldn't be ready to cook in 20seconds, but mine was. Unfortunatly, so was the table that caught light over two feet away :eek:
Cue me tearing across the campsite to the tap and back :D and a very 'unimpressed' look from the pleasure prevention officer :rolleyes:
Matt
The alarm on one of my old Renault 5 turbo's had an anti-hihjack feature on it. One morning I turned the alarm off, opened the door, put the keys into the ignition and started the car and shut the door (i was standing out side of the car), when I just remembered the anti-hijack bit. Just as I went the open the door, the bloody thing locked its self, with the engine running!!! And to top it off the spare alarm fob was in the glove box of the car!
Aerotop Dave
23-03-05, 13:39
Thought of another one - I've drilled loads of holes into walls and bits of wood over the years with an electric drill, but only last year I had just finished drilling a hole in a wall and for some reason thought 'I wonder if drill bits get hot drilling holes?'
Naturally rather than testing it by quickly dabbing a finger on the end I firmly grasped the whole drill but with my fingers.
Today I can confirm that drill bits do get very f*cking hot indeed after drilling holes.
I've done the putting window up with keys in the ignition.
Luckily it was at my mates house. Was chatting away, just put the T-bars back on the MR2 as it was getting cold. Anyways put the T-bars on and then on autopilot pressed the window button.
As soon as I had done it I realised what I had done, and then everything ran in slow motion (in a film style).
After running round wondering what to do I decided no probs I'll go home and get my spare fob. Only problem was when I got back the second fob would not overide the one in the car due to the car running (bloody Clifford!!! :D)
So in the end had to get the old metal coathanger and spend the next 20-30mins trying to press the central locking button.
Finally got it done, much to the amusement of my mates parents who remind me every once in a while how dense I can be for such a supposedly bright lad!!! :D
terribleturner
23-03-05, 15:46
I once had a Astra 1.6 which some how one day had a problem with a HT lead, as in it kept popping off. So of course one day it did it and i pulled over, with the engine still on, and proceeded to plug it back in. OMG :eek: all i can say is i got the shock of my life and my hair stood up for days. The worse thing is that the same thing happened less than a week later. So what do i do?? Pull over, engine still on, plug the lead back in and...... yes, electrocuted twice :twak:. You would've thought i'd have learnt m lesson with the shock from the first one. Plus my right hand was no good for a week. :tongue:
Plus my right hand was no good for a week. :tongue:
Did you have to switch to using your left? It's not the same is it? :innocent:
:looney:
Surely thats the same effect as sitting on it for half an hour first though ;) :innocent:
terribleturner
23-03-05, 16:40
Did you have to switch to using your left? It's not the same is it? :innocent:
:looney:
Ha ha ha No it's not :tongue:
Keep em coming guys.
This is one of the best threads in ages!!!!
I am sure I have done more embarrassing things but this is one of my most recent!
I was with a girlfriend in her car and she stopped to put some petrol in the car. It was a windy night and she had a bill in the door pocket of her car. Just as she got in and went to close the door the bill with her address details etc flew off and picked up pace in the wind and landed at the other side of a busy road.
I thought to myself I that I'll be a hero and I could get it, forgetting for a minute that I had pulled a muscle in my leg playing football the day before. So I lept out of the car (letting out a yelp as the shooting pain shot up my leg!!!) and went to cross the busy road. I safely navigated the road and went to pick up the bill. So bending down (causing more pain again) to pick it up, got a couple of inchs away and a big gust of wind shifted it again!!!!
"B@stard!" I thought as it landed a few feet away. So over I went this time deciding that I would put my foot on it this time. Got there and went to plant my foot, and low and behold the damned thing shot off again just as I put my foot down.
By this time there were a few people watching, unbeknown to me as now this was getting personal!
Went over to it again and it shot off again. It was like the damned thing was possessed. This time though it really took flight down the road. In hindsight I should have just thought fcuk it and left it but off I set running (ooh the pain) after this bill for a good 100m stopping every so often to try and stand on it.
Finally it stopped in the middle of the road in a bit of a puddle, I thought that I defo had it this time then...........................................
a wagon came past over it, flicked it into the air and then it stuck to the front of the car following it!!!!!
I had been defeated and humiliated. As I trudged back to the car, which had been following me down the road, I got in and the girlfriend was in tears with laughter, and proceeded to tell anyone that would listen for the next few days about this stupid bill!
Lesson learnt - Dont try to catch paper in the wind, there will only be one winner!!!
Cheers
J4CK50N#
I am crying here....
Yeah, my girlfriend found it bloody hilarious too!!!
I can now laugh about it, and know if it was one of my mates I would remind him regularly!!!!
:D :D :D
A few years ago I parked in a local multi-storey car park. Thought I'd check so see if I was in the lines.... and summoning all my strength went to launch my head and shoulders out the window.... which was closed.
I'm suprised the glass didn't break I headbutted it so hard. Hurt like a b**stard.
Ooo, I've done a very similar thing!
Baking hot summer so had the window open all day, my mate was in the car and I was in a proper bad mood. Neil (the friend) was doing his "too scred to say anything or even move" while I ranted on about whatever it was while I was manoevering the car in the small courtyard behind my mums old shop, went to check how close I was to something behind me by looking out the window so I did the same- full angry power headbut into the now closed window. It bloody hurt! Neil laughed. A lot.
He's also done it driving down the street, saw some old college mates so shouted out to them and just as he got their attention went to stick his head out the window, turns out it was half closed so basically he called his mates attention then smacked his teeth into the window. ha.
After one or two drinks on one occasion I mustered a giant crowd around me outside a nightclub (i have no idea why) and to prove how sober I was (obviously) I attempted to perform........ a rolly polly !! Had a big circle of people around, ensured silence and then THWACK. I was later told some minutes later that I had indeed made the attempt but had basically slammed my forehead into the concrete with huge velocity and not actually managed to complete the roll. Just sort of a limp slide sideways.
I remember it hurting but not much else.
After one or two drinks on one occasion I mustered a giant crowd around me outside a nightclub (i have no idea why) and to prove how sober I was (obviously) I attempted to perform........ a rolly polly !! Had a big circle of people around, ensured silence and then THWACK. I was later told some minutes later that I had indeed made the attempt but had basically slammed my forehead into the concrete with huge velocity and not actually managed to complete the roll. Just sort of a limp slide sideways.
I remember it hurting but not much else.
Classic! Feel your pain mate!!!
Luckily this was one of my mates that did the following but god how I howled!!!
It was a nice hot summers day and a few (probably a load) of us were round at my mates parents house as they were away. There were some patio doors that led out into the back garden. Anyways as the day progressed and more and more alcohol was being consumed the more rowdy everthing got and the louder the music got!!
Me thinking that we didnt want to anger the neighbours thought it best to shut the patio doors as it was :-
a) becoming a little colder as it was early evening
b) a good way of keeping the sound from reverberating around the neighbourhood
Only thing was, I didnt tell my mate who needed something from the back garden. He obviously needed it pretty badly coz he went sprinting through the house like his arse was on fire. He obviously thought that the doors were still open coz he hit them at full speed!!!
THWACK!!!!!
the glass in the patio door seemed to bend alot, fcuk knows how it didnt smash.
He had knocked himself out cold. Me and my other mates were concerned and tried to be serious but we were all just creased up and I personally could neither breathe or see due to the hysterical laughter!!!
Needless to say my mate didnt see the funny side at first and thought we had set the whole thing up!!!
dangerous brain
24-03-05, 21:56
Yeesh where do I start?? They don't call me dangerous for no reason lol:)
Maximum wow effect has to be the time I set fire to my head and it wouldn't go out
We were down Durdle door beach sleeping out under the stars. Big camp fire loads of beef loadsa beers and some chicks (well the various wives anyway). In my mates younger days he had done a lot of fire breathing and had loads of really cool photo's (one of a 3 way 30 ft fireball in black and white looked cool as f*ck). Well in a drunken haze I remembered this photo and also remembered him saying that they used to use unleaded petrol as it tasted best. HMMM whats this I am leaning on I thought??? Oh look a can of petrol that we used to get the fire going how handy!!!
So up I get turn my back on the crowd (trying to preserve the element of surprise here) pick up the can of petrol, grab one of the big anti-mossie candle thingies, get myself a real big swig of petrol (well i wanted a huge fireball to beat all others gone before me) and turn around ready for my big spectacle.
The gang was greeted with a p*ss*d up muppet tottering a little and then a big sort of flash with a woomphing sound in a very localised area around my head. Basically I had way too much petrol in my mouth and only managed to eject it in liquid form about a foot if that so it kind of ignited and sort of flowed to the floor instead of atomising and causing a nice fireball.
B*ll*x thought I, what a crapper I have made of that. Then after a couple of moments I thought Hold up I can still see flames??? Realisation head is on fire now uh oh. So I dive on the floor and put my poor little face out on the shale and with a sigh of releif stand up. Hmmmm woomph and I can see flames in front of my eyes again.. UH thinks I and dive back on the floor and again put my face out. Back up I stand and wooomph up goes my head again. Oh FFS screams I and dive on the floor again. All my mates are at this point rolling around on the beach in hysterics at the human comedy birthday cake candle that cant be blown out.
Finally one of the girls comes to my assistance and extinguishes the pilot light that was created in the recess below my adams apple.
terribleturner
24-03-05, 23:39
Funny you guys mentioned the closed window thing. When i first bought the Sup, How_Supra and i were driving down to Devon. After a good few hundred miles my legs were starting to ache. So for some strange reason i went to stand up "BANG" as i head butt the roof. Good knows what i was thinking but it gave Sabrina a good laugh.
Yesterday im outside hard wiring my snooper into the car. Im about to start soldering a couple of wires into place and i need a better grip of the area im about to do. So because im in the car i decide instead of putting the iron down, i'll let it dangle from my mouth. Should have know this wasn't a smart move :twak: . I was consintrating so much on the iron not burning me that i dropped the wire, so i reach over, grab it, and pull my hand back over. Unfortunatly my wrist hit the end of the burning hot metal. OMG!!!! For a good half hour all i could smell was burning flesh and smoking hair. Then the pain kick in :cry:
Quite a short story but still prety high on the stupid scale.
I needed to superglue a light back on to the ashtray and the glue bottle had become all gunked up from previous use so rather than do something sensible like snip the top i decided to chew the top. :looney:
Unfortunately i pushed the tube while i was chewing the top and ended up squeezing the entire tube of superglue in to my mouth. :eek:
I stuck one side of my lips together and had crusty glue on my teeth for ages, it took five goes with a toothbrush to remove it all :D
Quite a short story but still prety high on the stupid scale.
I needed to superglue a light back on to the ashtray and the glue bottle had become all gunked up from previous use so rather than do something sensible like snip the top i decided to chew the top.
Unfortunately i pushed the tube while i was chewing the top and ended up squeezing the entire tube of superglue in to my mouth. See post No. 7 in this same thread mate. I did exactly the same thing!
dangerous brain
25-03-05, 14:35
See post No. 7 in this same thread mate. I did exactly the same thing!
Only you did it much more stupid and much worse :innocent:
GeordieSteve
25-03-05, 15:50
A few years back I'd been for a night out with "the boys" and had one or two bevvies. I came home to my parents house, turned on the TV and fell asleep, lying down on the chair. My old man heard the TV playing away to it's self downstairs so came down and found me out cold. He tapped me to wake me up... which would have been fine if I had have been pre-10 pints of Guiness. I got a shock and because everything was still a little hazy, I jumped up out of the chair and onto my feet.... well I WOULD have done if my legs weren't dead from lying on the chair! I promptly fell on my arse only to jump up again and again out of shock, every time landing on my backside.
It all ended with me falling across the table knocking everything all over and my old man shouting "JUST STAY STILL" at the top of his voice which eventually brought me round.
See post No. 7 in this same thread mate. I did exactly the same thing!
LOL that makes me feel better :)
Didnt do this myself, but whilst camping in Oz we were hit with some unseasonal wet weather. The women a couple of tents down from ours decided a BBQ in her tent was a great idea!!. 15 minutes later her tent was on fire and everyone was grabbing there gear and running for cover. :stickpoke
Max Headroom
17-04-05, 22:44
Once went camping with a few mates, miles from anywhere. Round about midnight needed a leak went out side the tent and and wee'd all over an electric cattle fence. Needless to say it flippin sent a shot through my todger and boy was I sore.
steady_eddie
18-04-05, 14:32
Funny you guys mentioned the closed window thing. When i first bought the Sup, How_Supra and i were driving down to Devon. After a good few hundred miles my legs were starting to ache. So for some strange reason i went to stand up "BANG" as i head butt the roof. Good knows what i was thinking but it gave Sabrina a good laugh.
:
this is by far the best
:respekt: :respekt:
Ah yes....
Mentioning boilers.... I decided to run all my Cat5 cabling for my network and multiroom audio stuff round my old house, using my airing cupboard as the termination point for all the wires...
Completed all the rooms in the house...apart from the master bedroom... moved all the cupboards out of the way and began laying the wires..
Found the section to the airing cabinet and proceeded to push a screwdriver thru the drywall...of course the inevitable happened and I heard a metallic ting.. got up...walked round to discover my screwdriver was 2 inches longer than the wall, and that the hot water tank was 1 inch closer to the wall than I had thought...
So of course in the panic, ran back round into the bedroom and pulled the screwdriver out...
Many tubes of instant sealer and about 40 towels later, both upstairs and downstairs began drying out..
Moral of the story : Never put a screwdriver into the hotwater tank...and if you do...don't pull it back out again...
This has to be voted for thread of the year... cheered me up no end
i love it. thought it had run its course, but now seems to be picking up steam again!!!
J4CK50N
Not about me sadly but one of my boys...
He went out and bought himself a new (at the time) mk4 golf gti. He had it about a month or so and decided that he wanted some nicer wheels on it so went out and got himself a set of 18s' with tyres.
Saturday afternoon came and he decided to swap em over. Jacked the car up and swapped out the drivers side wheels. Jacked the car up to swap the passenger side but decided it was a bit dark and would finish them in the morning, so just left the car jacked on the drive.
Sunday morning comes, his wife decides to make some breakfast... oh dear... no bacon!! She promptly goes outside and seeing the golf on the drive blocking the garage realises she is going to have to take his car and not her own... you guessed it. She gets in the car and attempts to pull away minus two wheels!! Try filling that out on your insurance claim form without it sounding stupid!! :D
SupraHuman
24-11-05, 07:47
This happend about 4 years ago when i was driving a Hiab(crane) wagon for a builders merchant.It was late in the afternoon,about 4ish when i was asked if i could do just one more drop,some blokes neede a pallet of cement lifted on to a scaffold.I sad yeah no problemo,and set off.Got to site at about half 4 and traffic was getting bad by now,so i quickly set up the crane and lifted on to the scaffold,easy peasy.The dude that was to sign for the pallet went back inside the building so i had to chase him for a signature.Got it and went back out side,just to see a bus trying to sqeese past me,told him to chill cos i was leaving now,jumped in the cabin and set off...BANG...WTF was that????Look out the passenger window and all i can see is a bright light.Turns out to be a lamp post bulb.SHIT....i forgot to pull in the crane...it was still fully extended on to the scaffold about 90 degrees out from the wagon,Now this is the best/worst part....it turned out that the builders had 2 portaloos on the second landing on the scaffold.The first one i knocked the roof off,the second one i knocked off the scaffold it did a 360 in the air,fell 2 meters and slammed into the ground on it's side....with a bloke inside.He was screaming his tits off trying to get out bur the impact had jammed the door,had to force it open with a scaffold pole and out came this thing with his pants around his knees ,covered with bog roll,sh*t,p*ss and some blue chemicals they use in portaloo's.Needless to say that everybody from police to the vicar came to have a look and take statements.......not a good day
:lol: Great story!
Good to see this thread ressurected, it's great!
I have a mate who worked in tesco's unloading pallets etc off of the lorries... early one morning he tried to take a short-cut round the barriers that prevent people getting run over. He ran at the nearest section of barrier and attempted to super-hero style vault over it with one hand. The barrier wasn't secured in any way to the others so it collapsed under him, projecting him hand (and face) first into the concrete. :eek: He looked like he'd gone 10 rounds with Tyson for a few weeks after that :clap:
Terminator
24-11-05, 11:35
Not sure if this fits in here but here goes.
When I was about 8 years old, I was in bed with a fever. My mum came in to take my temperature, shook the glass thermometer, and stuffed it in my mouth. When she took it out all the mercury had gone. I went in to panic mode, thought I would die of mercury poisoning. My mum got the doctor, by ringing from a neighbour’s phone; we were too poor to have one. The doctor came out and reassured me that I would not die. Gave me some awful stuff and to told my to get me to eats loads of white bread on its own and everything would come to pass . I calmed down eat what seemed like half a loaf. Fell asleep. When I woke I felt less like dying, so decided to get up and play with some toys under my bed. I got down on the floor layed down to look under the bed to see loads of very small bead of silver mercury all over the lino floor.
So back when I had my overfuelling problem, as some of you may recall, things got deeply techie. It got to the point where I wanted to observe the behaviour of the fuel injectors. For this, you need an oscilloscope.
They are expensive and fragile, and aren't widely available. But with a bit of good luck in all the bad I was experiencing, Digsy had one on loan (for some reason)! :woot: So he pops over one evening and we start figuring out how to use it and how to plumb it all in and what we are in fact looking for. All good fun.
I had no free shelf space and not that much room in the garage, so in order to power it and wire it up and see it, it was placed on an empty 25l tub of toluene (about 2.5ft high). Now, this wasn't exactly precarious but it wasn't exactly rock solid either. The toluene tub wobbled about a bit, it was quite light being empty, and we had strung cables from the oscilloscope to the engine bay at knee height. Digsy gives me the run-down, which went roughly like this: "This isn't mine, it's on loan, it costs a fortune, it's fragile, and it's balanced right here with the concrete floor 2.5 foot away".
I got the idea - don't break it :D
So we do a battery of tests and get some readings from the oscilloscope and get to a point where I need to take stuff off the engine to get any further.
"OK", says I, "It's time for surgery rather than monitoring. That means you are demoted to tool fetch boy."
"Ok Dude", says Digsy, "No worries, tool is my middle name!" and immediately turns round and trips over the leads going from the 'scope to the engine bay. As he decks over flailing, the 'scope flies off the toluene tub and crashes into the floor, bouncing a couple of times off the concrete.
I'm rendered helpless by being mortified and laughing uncontrollably at the same time - a bizarre sensation that everyone should experience at some point. It was made all the more hilarious by Digsy's last uttered line before trashing the 'scope...
Even now I'm laughing from the memory and it was about 18 months ago :D
-Ian
A friend of the families owned a budgi or some little bird thing. One night his wife was down stairs having a couple or more glasses of wine and the bird fell off its perch and was basically dying on the bottom of its cage, she was rather upset at watching this thing suffer so decided to break its neck to put it out of its misery. However, she grabbed the bird with one hand and the head with the other and pulled a tad to hard and pulled its head OFF. Wasnt easy hiding it from her husband the next day. to this day the rest of the family doesnt know! Shhhh
Oh and one i still feel bad about: i was 14 and working for a builders (i know meant to be 16 but connections got me in) and was loads bricks into the skip outside, i was trying to equal out the load of the skip a bit so decided to chuck bricks in rather than loads them. Problem being that i chucked one all the way over and it landed on my teachers (nice teacher) BMW and scuffed the bonnet and the windscreen. She had also put her head over the fence and knew i was loading stuff into the skip. Feel really bad because she didnt say anything, i just had the guilt factor every time i saw the nice FIXED car :( Tempted to go and apologise and offer her payment 6 years on.
Fantastic thread. Really made a shite day a little better. Here's one from me.
I have a trike (been off the road for years, though) built from a 1300 Metro engine/sub-frame assembly, so 2 wheels at the front, 1 at the back & full car controls. The 2 seats are positioned centrally in the frame fighter-plane style with the auto gear shift & handbrake on the right hand side.
Cut to me posing at the local biker meeting place one Sunday afternoon, I'm getting ready to go whilst still chatting to some folks. I fire the motor up, stood by the side of the trike, stick my left leg over the chassis and blip the throttle. It would have been great if the back of my leg hadn't knocked the damn thing into reverse! It trundled backwards and the front right wheel drove straight up my right shin to the knee. Luckily I was wearing big crosser boots and escaped unharmed. Still get ribbed mercilessly for that one.
Then there's the time at a mates party. He lived at the bottom of a cul-de-sac, on the left. A young lad turned up driving his mum's Metro on L plates with the obligatory 'experienced' driver in the passenger seat. Well, he makes a complete arse of parking in the driveway and manages to hit the concrete gate post, pushing the left wing in just in front of the door hinge. After a few minutes of gently trying to maneuvre out it's clear that he's doing more damage so he gets back out. We're all stood around making stupid comments, as you would, when some bright spark says " it's only a Metro - there should be enough of us to bounce the front end away from the gate post so you can reverse out easily".
A sound idea. Which worked perfectly. Unfortunately, the berk had stalled it in reverse. We bounce the front end around, and manage to bump-start the engine. The car sets off back down the road on tickover with me chasing after it trying to jump through the open drivers' window and hit the brakes with my hand. It nearly worked, too. If only it hadn't smashed into the side of next door-but-two's car (with my legs still poking through the window).
By this time, the poor lad's in tears, but his mum turned up and was sympathetic and the neighbor was okay, too.
Here is my stupid moment.
Scene: Hot sunny day. I'm windsurfing off of Worthing. A strong sea breeze had kicked in and I'm using a 'sinker' and fairly large sail. Had been really blasting along and managed some pretty good jumps. I feel the wind start to drop so decide to head in and call it a day before the board no longers floats and I have to paddle in.
Anyway, Worthing has an horrendous shorebreak (it was high tide) and, because I'd been trying to impress this lass who was also windsurfing, I thought I'd try to get off the board over a water outlet (huge pipe surrounded by wooden frame) and appear to be walking on water all the way to the beach.
I approach the outlet and prepare to slow. Somehow though I've misjudged the depth of water and catch the skeg (rear fin) of my board on the outlet. I come off the board but land on the outlet. I'm thinking "shit" as the board has now passed over the outlet and is heading toward the shore and is bound to get mangled in the break. I didn't really want a broken mast or worse.
I get up and, in my rush to get to the board, I walk/run off the edge of the outlet and get myself into the shorebreak. I surface, totally at the mercy of the waves and find myself heading direct for my own board and sail which has been caught by a fellow windsurfer who had been on the beach and was watching what happened.
My gear was safe except....
I was thrown into it by the waves and the impact broke the mast and severly winded me and also knocking the other guy to the ground.
Worst of all, while recovering and checking the damage, the lass who I had been showing off in front of, walked past and gave me a smile which I knew translated into "you plonker".
SupraStar 3000
24-11-05, 14:09
LMAO!!
ok, here's another from me.
I’m flying a RC model helicopter in the back garden, your not suppose to do this because of its size (you need special insurance and clubs to fly within. The carbon fibre blades could easily chop off an arm or hand.)
The warning lights starts flashing letting me know the batteries low in the transmitter and I bring the helicopter into land. Suddenly the transmitter go’s dead and the helicopter develops a mind of its own.
After a few heart wrenching moments the model starts to slow down only hampered by the occasional gust of wind. I think to myself that maybe I can recover the helicopter before it crashes. Slowly inching towards the engine I crawl across and attempt to pull out the fuel line, remembering the spinning blades are only a few inched away from my head and face.
eventually I pull the fuel line off and retreat to a safe distance.
BIG MISTAKE!!!
As the model sucks up fresh air the engine runs leaner and at higher speeds creates more lift sending the model up into the air and over to the nextdoors garden. CRASH into greenhouse
Luckily no one hurt and little damage done, but a lesson lernt for me :(
I've got too many to list http://www.max-boost.co.uk/stuff/timallen.jpg
Got a small pharmacy in the garage, that says all.
Arg agr arggggggggg...... </ape>
spend 250 quid on wheel refurb 250 quid on new brakes, spend all day f**in about changing over. 4 weeks later spin car and trash 2 wheels and rear brakes..........:drown: :drown:
not pleased
tt steve
oh and go to through water over car with bucket and get too close and rag the front wing with the bucket!!!!!! marks are still there.:faint:
Here's mine:
http://www.mkivsupra.net/vbb/showthread.php?t=52233
gave car full polish and extra gloss whilst listening to radio!!!!
flattend battery and had to get help pushing car....... hand marks all over it:badidea: :read:
tt steve
gregsupra4
24-11-05, 19:15
We have all had those moments.
Number of years ago ( lots in fact ) I used to be a DJ at a top London club and had the chance to DJ at a big showbiz party, well on the night I had my white suit on and was there behind the biggest sound system ever and had everyone up and doing their thing fan bloody tastic, lots of really fit women coming over and chatting to me and famous stars asking me to play their tunes anyway you get the picture.
So later in the evening there is an act on and he is supposed to be the great great great grandson of Wild Bill Hickok, OK he comes on and I take a break no problem had my eye on a honey but fat chance Wild Bill grabs me and asks me to help him with his act, can't say no in front of everybody so go along with him and start to do what he ask's.
So there he is lassoing everything in sight including me and other items, throwing bowie knives again at targets including me ( Should not have worn a white suit) and we are nearly at the end of his act so feeling really good as I have survived and everybody has really clapped.
Now he turns to everybody and ask's for silence as this part of his act is really dangerous ( F**K me) and he produces this big and I mean big revolver he comes over to me and places me against this padded wall that his roadies have brought onto the stage and in a voice only I can hear tells me to remain really still and not to move no matter what happens.
Right now I really am starting to feel the A**hole go in and out and try to keep up the big smile, he starts by shooting out a few balloons above me and a couple of cans either side and I start to relax but then absolute horror sets in as he comes over and places a playing card between my legs and one either side of my body and they are close only about 20mm away.
Closing my eyes and praying that I would not let my self down I stand there waiting, I hear the first shot and then the 2nd still alive, the 3rd shot rings out and nothing I am alive and everybody is going wild clapping and shouting, I open my eye's and think this is bloody great loads of people rushing towards me, but wait there is a look of horror on their faces the first lady reaches me and asks me to sit down and if I am Ok at this point I look down and there it is a bloody blood soaked hole in my crouch, I start to scream like a baby and fall to the floor.
This is it I think I am going to die and keep screaming, within a few seconds even though it felt like hours at the time a paramedic cuts my strides off and reveals this small scratch on my leg just below my bollocks where the 22 round had caught me, it did not even need a plaster.
Needless to say that after showing my true colors I made that I did not feel well enough to go on and left.
I never did get asked to do the next one, wonder why.
:limp:
RobSheffield
24-11-05, 19:32
i dont do accidents by halves, and all of mine resulted in some kind of serious injury!
a number of years ago i had, as my first car a Mini. i was wiring a stereo up to the battery in the boot. said battery was on charge, and had been for a couple of days. now i was only 16 at this time! ...so im tightening the clamps back up on the battery terminal, and manage to short circuit the battery and cause a spark. KABOOM - next thing i know im lying on my back in massive pain, not knowing what the fook had happened! so in a daze, i stumbled to the corner grabbed a massive fire extinguisher and ran to the back of the car (i thought i had ignited the petrol tank, the bang was that loud!) my dad met me there and told me to put it down, i had detonated some Hydrogen gas that gets given off during charging, exploded the battery and covered myself in batery acid, including a nasty cut on my arm where some plastic battery casing had made like shrapnel and cut me, so my arms, my shirt and hair are being gently burned by the acid. including the cut - trust me that stung!
i can hereby state, i have never knwon such pain!
or theres the time i was helping my dad in his garage, now my dad is into Classic cars in a big way, but used to have WW2 army lorries before that, these lorries had radiators the size of cars on the front to keep thier huge engines cool. as was helping my dad, said radiator fell off its perch in the rafters and fell on me, didnt crush me but had a bloody good go, the steel 'vanes' tore an awful lot of skin from my back, and it was touch and go for a few days wether id need skin grafts!
SupraStar 3000
24-11-05, 19:48
sh1t :(
I thought exploding batteries/hydrogen gas was a myth.
so, do you remove the earth or positive first?
RobSheffield
24-11-05, 19:54
sh1t :(
I thought exploding batteries/hydrogen gas was a myth.
so, do you remove the earth or positive first?
i can confirm not a myth!
and i dont remove either first - i keep the fook away from em now!
SupraStar 3000
24-11-05, 20:06
Lmao!
Being best man at a mates wedding, outside the church after the photos making sure everyone was accounted for and everyone knew how to get to the reception etc....everyones left, and I get in my car, start the engine and, SHIT I dont know where the hell the reception is....no mobile phones in those days, so I had to hit every likely venue in a ten mile radius of Bursledon before I found it
As a teenager, getting home from work, going into the kitchen where my landlady was at the sink washing up...going up to her and grabbing her ass with both hands to suprise her, only to find her husband had come back from Saudi that day and was sat at the table behind me glaring at me with, as I recall, a WTF expression
Riding my motorbike home in the middle of the night after a party, wearing a scarf and full-face helmet, and being sick at 60 mph
Max Headroom
26-11-05, 10:11
i dont do accidents by halves, and all of mine resulted in some kind of serious injury!
a number of years ago i had, as my first car a Mini. i was wiring a stereo up to the battery in the boot. said battery was on charge, and had been for a couple of days. now i was only 16 at this time! ...so im tightening the clamps back up on the battery terminal, and manage to short circuit the battery and cause a spark. KABOOM - next thing i know im lying on my back in massive pain, not knowing what the fook had happened! so in a daze, i stumbled to the corner grabbed a massive fire extinguisher and ran to the back of the car (i thought i had ignited the petrol tank, the bang was that loud!) my dad met me there and told me to put it down, i had detonated some Hydrogen gas that gets given off during charging, exploded the battery and covered myself in batery acid, including a nasty cut on my arm where some plastic battery casing had made like shrapnel and cut me, so my arms, my shirt and hair are being gently burned by the acid. including the cut - trust me that stung!
i can hereby state, i have never knwon such pain!
or theres the time i was helping my dad in his garage, now my dad is into Classic cars in a big way, but used to have WW2 army lorries before that, these lorries had radiators the size of cars on the front to keep thier huge engines cool. as was helping my dad, said radiator fell off its perch in the rafters and fell on me, didnt crush me but had a bloody good go, the steel 'vanes' tore an awful lot of skin from my back, and it was touch and go for a few days wether id need skin grafts!
Sorry I know it was probably not nice , but I am sat here in front of my computer crying my eyes out in laighter at you "stupid" moment. Top class!!
Gaz Walker
26-11-05, 10:57
This is my favourite thread, thanks to Dave for resurecting it :D
dangerous brain
26-11-05, 11:41
Was on guard duty when in training. I had done a security check on a building and my mate and co-guard had wandered off a bit. He shouted to me to come look at something. It was a clear and very chilly morning after a long night shift so I broke into a trot to catch him up across a parade square. I get to the edge of the parade square and suddenly I'm staring up at the sky wondering WTF had just happened. They had only gone and put a thin wire rope between the poles around the square which caught me at bollock level and after I'd run into it and taken all the slack up it had catapulted me backwards almost knocking me out. Don't you just love it though when the incident is compounded by your mate standing over your dazed ass laughing like a hyena.
Dash Rendar
31-12-05, 21:41
Here's mine...
I was quite into weight training as a student. Creatine had just hit the market and was seriously expensive stuff (about £30 for a small tub). I went down the GNC store and found that they were selling two tubs for the price of one. Woohoo.
So I bought the twin pack and went back to my student home where all my house mates were hanging out.
The two tubs were wrapped in a plastic sheath. Rather than get the scissors out, I thought, "Hmm, I'll just puncture this plastic by jamming my thumb into it." The next thing I know, my thumb is dislocated severely and is poking out at a very peculiar angle. I slapped my thumb hard with the other hand and it went back in with a satisfying pop.
One of my house mates fainted.
I was in so much pain I couldn't do any exercise for the next three weeks.
i can hereby state, i have never knwon such pain!
you've not heard me sing yet dude :D
Chiefgroover
31-12-05, 22:28
2005 ended up in belgium on my second trip to the ring with a German navigator.
Missed a boat, three flights and a train.
Went to run my clutch in and got wrecked by a Punto.
Called a young lady the wrong name at a bad time :-(
Jumped around with a brush playing air guitar for a few mins before i noticed 3 baffled people watching.
RobSheffield
01-01-06, 15:02
Sorry I know it was probably not nice , but I am sat here in front of my computer crying my eyes out in laighter at you "stupid" moment. Top class!!
no problem!!
you've not heard me sing yet dude
and nor do i want to thanks!
darren j adams
01-01-06, 23:52
My very good friends dad was top man in police car unit m25,his wife was the most straight women ive ever meet,she is proper proper nice.
My friends girlfriend was very much into sex and exploring!!!
He decided to tie her in a cross position naked to his bed and push fizzie sweets up her.(dont ask me why).....she laughed so much that they went too far up,he tried his figers to get them back but to no avail.
He tried some pens but still no sweets,he had a great idea of getting two long snapon screw drivers from the garage to get them back.
This is the bad bit,while he was in the garage his mum made him tea and biccies and yes she took them into his bed room to find his girlfriend spread eagled on the bed naked,she turned and walked back out without a word and no one has said anything about it.
D.
Ohh the shame !!!
My very good friends dad was top man in police car unit m25,his wife was the most straight women ive ever meet,she is proper proper nice.
My friends girlfriend was very much into sex and exploring!!!
He decided to tie her in a cross position naked to his bed and push fizzie sweets up her.(dont ask me why).....she laughed so much that they went too far up,he tried his figers to get them back but to no avail.
He tried some pens but still no sweets,he had a great idea of getting two long snapon screw drivers from the garage to get them back.
This is the bad bit,while he was in the garage his mum made him tea and biccies and yes she took them into his bed room to find his girlfriend spread eagled on the bed naked,she turned and walked back out without a word and no one has said anything about it.
D.
Ohh the shame !!!
OMG and she was ok with him sticking screwdrivers up her??? (the girlfriend, not the mum)
SupraStar 3000
02-01-06, 02:34
LMAO!!!
Bet it wasn't a "gobstopper"
darren j adams
02-01-06, 18:45
She just liked the feeling of fizzing inside next to the ,shall we say the tigly bit.
Yes she would not mind screw drivers.
He found her one day in the garage siting on his gearstick!!of his sports car.
She was not a shy girl to say the least.
D.
hasnt every girl friend had an experiment the screwdriver??? any one? no, any one , no?.....
dangerous brain
02-01-06, 19:10
Lol. I went out with a bird that told me her embarrassing story. One day after some sort of celebration and dragging her p*ssed up ass home swigging a bottle of champers she got the horn. She proceeded up to her room (she was between places and crashing with her old dear) and decided to make an alternative use of the now empty bottle. Needless to say disaster struck and she got herself in an airlock situation and couldn't get the bugger back out :) Had to walk down stairs to the kitchen past her mum walking like a duck with a pineapple up its ass to get a straw to releive the vacuum :D Now thats gotta be embarrasin too. Can't beleive she told me that either (that said she was very p*ssed at the time, in fact she was always very p*ssed apart from the time she dumped me go figure)
haha i know a girl that was having fun in the bathroom! left her rabbit on the side of the bath when she had finished. remembered it half and hour later, ran back to get it, but it hasnt been seen since, and her parents have never mentioned it either! spooky! lol
the things women do! teehee...
A girl we know and I should say quite a shy girl too, decided one day to place an order with Anne Summers on-line(she would never have gone into the actual shop for fear of being spotted).
The order confirmation was sent to her Hotmail address. Because of some glitch with hotmail this order confirmation was forwarded to her entire address book including elderly family members, parents and absolutely everyone she knew.
So we all now know that she has in her posession a Delux Rampant Rabbit and six....yes six packets of cleansing wipes!!!
i think a new thread should be started "Let's hear the stupid stories about other people you know"
:D
Gaz Walker
05-01-06, 17:31
OK I'm sticking this :D
:clap:
Good call Rosie :D
Gaz.
Just thought of one...
I was about 14 and went swimming with a friend of mine. I remember wearing multicoloured bermuda shorts but they weren't proper trunks, so did not have a lining inside. We were mucking about for half an hour or so on the huge floats and i decided to take a rest. sat up on the edge of the pool with feet in the water, legs wide open. I look down as it felt a bit breezy downstairs and see the old chap flopped out over the side of the pool. I had managed to rip a hole the size of a small football in the underside of my shorts so the individual leg holes were actually just 1 huge gap now.
I faked being ill and said i had to go. My mate never saw what had happened but im pretty sure half the kids in the pool were having nightmares that night.
OK I'm sticking this :D
I bet that's what SHE said at the time! :p
silvasurfa
05-01-06, 19:12
I ate some spaghetti hoops and sneezed half a dozen whole hoops out once!
Teach me not too chew my food!!!
Just thought of one...
I was about 14 and went swimming with a friend of mine. I remember wearing multicoloured bermuda shorts but they weren't proper trunks, so did not have a lining inside. We were mucking about for half an hour or so on the huge floats and i decided to take a rest. sat up on the edge of the pool with feet in the water, legs wide open. I look down as it felt a bit breezy downstairs and see the old chap flopped out over the side of the pool. I had managed to rip a hole the size of a small football in the underside of my shorts so the individual leg holes were actually just 1 huge gap now.
I faked being ill and said i had to go. My mate never saw what had happened but im pretty sure half the kids in the pool were having nightmares that night.
no disrespect but think i prefer visual thoughts of the champers bottle lol :whistle:
no disrespect but think i prefer visual thoughts of the champers bottle lol :whistle:
Who doesn't!? :love:
GeordieSteve
05-01-06, 22:03
i think a new thread should be started "Let's hear the stupid stories about other people you know"
:D
GREAT
Lad I used to work with was a crazy bloke. Always out on the drink. One night his mate pulled some bird and took her back to her house. He woke up, she was gone and so was his clothes with his wallet in. He got up and, thinking she'd robbed him, shat on her pillow. He was juuuust about done when she walked in wearing his shirt carrying breakfast in bed
silvasurfa
05-01-06, 22:06
That's a winner!!! hahahahahahaha everyone in the offices face has just been sprayed with hobnobs and tea!!!
Can't think od anything I've done - But used to have a mate that we called 'Dizzy'. He really had no common sense...
He bought an old shape kitted up/lowered 3 series beemer, and managed to catch the exhaust on something. So with sparks flying as he dragged the exhaust along the ground, he went and pulled into a petrol station :D
Another time, he rang up directory enquiries, and when they asked for a name and address, he gave his own! He wrote the number down, hung up before realising it was his number :D :D :D
Another mate went home from the pub one night when he was living back at his parents house, and sat downstairs to watch a bit of TV while he ate a pizza. He flicked on the (ahem) 10 minute freeview ;)
He woke up the next morning, still in the chair, with his pants round his ankles, the TV was off, curtains had been opened, and there was a cup of tea next to him :D
Lol, some well funny stories here.
The first time I stayed at my ex-girlfriends house I was completely bladdered and literally passed out on her bedroom floor. I remember waking up in the middle of the night desperate for a pee and stumbling around searching for the toilet whilst still in a drunken stupor. Safe in the knowledge that I'd found the toilet, I returned to her room and my drunken slumber on the floor...
It was only in the morning when I heard here mum asking "why is the carpet round the laundry basket sopping wet?" :blush:
Amazingly I was with her for 3 1/2 years!!!
Bill Prawn
06-01-06, 11:17
When I was younger and in the throws of growing up (about 13)
I was in a large hardware store that was on two floors.
A very attractive girl with a short skirt went up the stairs to the top floor.
The stairs were an open type spiral set and like any red blooded male I watched from beneath to catch a glimpse.
However I was so busy watching that I failed to notice the display stand full of nails and screws in front of me.
I walked staright into it as I was too busy looking up.
The rest as they say is history, the crash and rattle of the items was still echoing in my ears as I left the shop in a hurry:(
By the way they were white and lacy:whistle:
thats reminded me of something.
I was walking to work a couple of years back. it was autumn, so the time of year when all girls in the city wear short skirts and knee high boots :drool:
One such girl walked in front of me, of course my eyes followed as she walked off. the next thing i knew, I had walked into the side of a volvo which had stopped infront of me and was waiting to turn into the road at a crossing! haha. but thinking about it, if she walked past me 5 seconds earlier id have probably been bouncing off the volvos bonnet!
SuperSupra
07-01-06, 15:02
Thought I'd contribute since pretty much everyone else has! I've broken a few things in my time, most of them in fairly comical ways:
Broke a finger when trying to show off - stand with a football in between your legs, and bending over to try and 'scoop' the ball and throw it as far as you can behind you (if you know what i mean). Me being a dumbass caught my finger on the ground and *crack!!!* That hurt like hell.
Broke my leg playing football (damn those footballs!) trying to take a shot but kicked the floor, broken in two places, and torn ligaments, 3 months in a cast and 6 months physio - nice!
Best one, as a kid, was playing about with some cucumber *ahem*, chopping it up randomly cos my mum was out and i liked playing with knives! Anyway, my brother was there too, and he liked the game, however unbeknown to me, he reached up to the side to grab some cucumber while i took a glance at the tv, and i chopped the top of his middle finger off - oops! The cucumber resembled tomato now! He's never forgiven me for that! :innocent:
ow nasty :(
i have a story as to how i wrote the local car wash off earlier in the year, rather than warbleing on ill dig out my statement i sent to the insurance company
Gaz Walker
07-01-06, 20:29
ow nasty :(
i have a story as to how i wrote the local car wash off earlier in the year, rather than warbleing on ill dig out my statement i sent to the insurance company
lmao... that sounds like a classic in the making :D
Gaz.
Green Peace
08-01-06, 10:31
ooops
Green Peace
08-01-06, 10:48
I once tried to bite the end off a tube of Superglue that had got clogged up. As I snapped the crusty bit off a load of the glue went into my mouth and stuck my top teeth to my bottom teeth, my top lip to my bottom lip, my lips to the front of my teeth and my tongue to the back of my teeth.
It took bloody ages of soaking my face in celulose thinners to get the superglue off as well.
:
What a shame you came unstuck Jake:stickpoke :p
Lol these stories are well funny I gotta stop laughing so I can breath:rlol:
I'm always doing stupid things..so dont know where to start...but one that springs to mind...was working on a film set at 18 years old...
I asked one of the Sparks where the toilet was and I was real desperate for a slash I can tell you..(we were filming the Interior of a bungelow in Devon...)
He directed me to the other end of the hallway and sure enough I found the little boys room..went in lifted the lid and pissed into the bowl...(i'd been drinking a lot the night before so it was a long one..tmi:)
Anyway i gave a big sigh of relief zipped up my jeans without catching myself he he...went to flush the chain and...............to my surprise....and horror...... the whole toilet just moved a few inches (it was a fcuking prop duuuuuhhh)....I was so embarresed and luckily no-one saw me...
All I remember was us then shooting a scene incorporating the 'said' prop:blush: and then pissing myself laughing when the poor prop guy (who was a big nasty looking fcuker) removed it shortly afterwards pouring Urine all over himself...
I was like:haha: :rlol: :run:
Thought of another one last night. One of those i wanna die moments when i was at school.
A few friends of mine liked to smoke a lot of weed when we were at school, so one day, over the school network i sent him a message saying.
"please report to the school san for a drugs test"
Naturally i thought it was really funny but he did not :D, Here comes the bad bit, one of my friends told me that if i replaced his username with a * it would send a message to EVERY computer on the network.....yep, i did it. :drown: The head, the deputy, all the teachers, the bursars office...the lot, they all got it. Yep i nearly got in serious trouble and my friends almost did get drug tested...oops. One of them when he read it ran to his room and hid in his cupboard for an hour to try not to get caught...kids eh!
Ok as promissed. One day sitting doing F all @ work the MD decides to actually make me do something......."Daman, take the van to the car wash"
Now my works van is a pug partner, which a cross between a large and small van, either way its a bastard to park.
ok so here is "my account" of what happened which was passed onto my boss for the insurance claim
I purchased a bronze car wash option and returned to the van. I drove into the entrance and found someone was already in there so waited patently. A few minutes latter the shutters opened and were able to drive in looking out for the rails you have to park between. I parked and double checked for the rails “yup spot on” little did I know they were the rails for the actual car wash arms, not the guidance arms. The car wash started and I picked up my phone to enter the expense for the car wash on the matrix. The brush’s then passed me knocking the drivers wing mirror in. thinking it was the brush’s I dismissed any thoughts that the arms were going to attack me. They passed and then proceeded to make a deep screeching noise down the side of the van, at that point I went for the ememergency button. After I finished shaking off the soap and water, the front shutter opened with a dismayed shop assistant. She asks if im ok etc and then explains the van wasn’t within the rails and get the manger to reset the washer. The manger turns up a couple of minutes latter and explains that he can’t reset it without further risk to the van. Thinking that the gym is paying off I proceed to then try to push it out, and swiftly realise that more bench press’s are needed and decided to drive out. The crunch noise’s return as I creep away from the arm. I went inside to fill out a form and swiftly made my getaway.
What i didnt include in that statement was i blatently drove over the guidance rails. :innocent: When aiming for the spot i came accross something stopping me driving straight ahead (the guidance rail), i investigated by opening my door to have a look. Now car washes are faily dark inside, so stupidly i mistaked this as being a broken part of an exhaust (Duuuuuuhhhhh) :haha: . I proceeded to rev the living crap out of this poor van in order to get it to go over the 'broken exhaust' in order to get the van to park in the "spot on" spot. :badidea:
The result was one half of the van was tottally fcuked, after all a car wash arm had been trying to mate with it, the garage actually appoligised to me aaaannd i wrote the car wash off!!!!
Because of one arm getting stuck halfway on the van and the other arm carrying on as normal to the back of the car wash, it sheered off somewhere along the supporting arm. For the next month i chuckled to myself everytime i drove past the car wash as a horde of engineers were assigned to task of replacing the entire car wash :eyebrows:
garetheves
12-01-06, 16:48
i got one from a week or so ago.
Doing some last little bits of decorating in our spare room and came to fit the plug and light switches. One of of plugs sits on/in the skirting board and when i had connected in (switched the mains off to not electrocute myself cos that would be really silly) found that it didnt fit in the same gap the old one did. the skirts needed about 5mm each side shaving away. Now having only recently move into the house i dont have a full quota of tools and certainly didnt have a chisel. Looking round the room i found the only tool that i thought would be up to the job.....The swiss army knife. Now i wasnt completely stupid and realised that there was a risk of it shutting on me so i made sure that i was shaving in a downward motion keeping the blade open. Anyway after about 20 mins of this i was getting nowhere and increasingly frustrated, i grabbed the handle and started pressing the point of the blade into the wood. Needless to say the force was enough to shut the blade and with 18stone of idiot pushing it, it damn near sliced through my finger at the 1st knuckle. Right to the bone it went. Anyway, stitched myself up after the 2 hours it took the blood to stop and thought id go tidy my tools away and heres the best bit...
Forgot id turned the mains back on and proceeded to stick another of my fingers behind the socket and nearly flew across the room.
Thats enough DIY for me for the near future.
Gaz Walker
15-01-06, 04:02
Both very highly commendable efforts guys though. Award goes to Daman for the most costly mistake!
Gaz.
MrRalphMan
15-01-06, 06:58
Quite a few years ago now, a bunch of us drove from Chingford to Epping to play footy.
The grass was quite long at the time, but we proceded to have a kick around.
I launched myself at the ball and slide along the ground. Stood up and everyone else fell over laughing.
I looked down and noticed a large brown streak down my light coloured jeans.. Yep, I had slid in a dogs turd.
Lobbed them in a bin and drove back to my mates where I borrowed a pair to go home in.
:cry:
SupraStar 3000
15-01-06, 10:10
I looked down and noticed a large brown streak down my light coloured jeans.. Yep, I had slid in a dogs turd
LMAO! My mate did that whilst competing in the long-jump.
The turd was hiding in the sandpit and managed to smear itself up his leg and under his shorts <yuk> :rlol: :rlol:
Staple-gunned a testicle by accident once whilst at school.:blink:
Staple-gunned a testicle by accident once whilst at school.:blink:
:shock: :fool:
It was an accident, I was doing a display whilst standing on a chair whilst some bothersome tyke whinged on about something or other. Anyway turned and clenched the hand with the gun in it, took a glancing shot to the stones. Kid winced as I plucked the staple out. no serious damage done:blush:
Staple-gunned a testicle by accident once whilst at school.:blink:
edited:- Ok seen reply now...too quick...
had a stupid moment this saturday...
I was washing the car, getting it nice and shiny. Opened up the engine bay to give it a wipe, not that it needed it.
You can guess whats coming next. Standing to the side of the car i was polishing some bit (dunno the technical word for 'that bit with a load of pipes coming out of it') and i hit my head on the underside of the bonnet, so i instanly ducked :blink: head butted the wheel arch and gave my self a nose bleed!
Anyone else hurt themselves on their own Supe?
Gaz Walker
22-02-06, 21:37
Anyone else hurt themselves on their own Supe?
Oh yes. And other peoples too for that matter! :D
Gaz.
Oh yes. And other peoples too for that matter! :D
Gaz.
lol someone else has got to embarise themselves by letting the world know then! :D
Gym lesson at school using weights and sitting astride a bench. The gym teacher walks past, nods and then sniggering she walks off and out of the room. After carrying on pumping iron and admiring my efforts in the long mirror opposite, I then notice the errant testicle that has popped out of the gym shorts and must have been getting aired for at least 15 minutes.
I to drink and to lead and almost killed one pedestrian . I to be in jail for three year .now I not to drink .I to more have to find that and stupid people only ignorante to drink heavy illegal alcohol .
I to drink and to lead and almost killed one pedestrian . I to be in jail for three year .now I not to drink .I to more have to find that and stupid people only ignorante to drink heavy illegal alcohol .
so basically, you nearly killed someone because you were drunk, were caught, jailed, freed and now your soaber (spell check) and think that poeple that are like the way you use to be are stupid....capiche!:)
garetheves
01-04-06, 23:04
Had one today im afraid:
Agreed to help a mate sort his car out (a Golf, not a supra). It wasnt looked after by its previous owner and he got it dirt cheap but figured we had better give it a damn good service before anything else so that was the plan today including full change of brakes etc.
Anyhoo, set about on full oil and filter change. Drained the oil, no probs, then it came to getting the old filter off. Now the last (recorded) service on this car was 60k ago so looking at the filter, it was very rusted around the top and we knew it would be fairly well stuck on. Got the filter wrench and had a go...wasnt for budging at all. Tried the screwdriver through the filter trick....still not budging, Tried the wrench again and managed to turn it about a quarter turn but literally fuc*ed the filter doing it, the bottom has completely caved in.
Eventually give up for the night when it seems it wouldnt budge another inch. Put a post on one of the golf forums and it seems we have been trying for 3 hours to turn it the wrong way!!!!!!! We "assumed" that like everything it would unscrew anti-clockwise but suposedly its the opposite because they are fitted upside down.
Feel like a right lemon.
I'm not laughing at you, Gareth. Honestly.
RobSheffield
01-04-06, 23:23
classic, i love that
garetheves
01-04-06, 23:42
You should see the state we left the filter in, ill try and get my mate to go take a pic now.
a few years back i spent all weekend changing the gearbox on my rs turbo. got it all fitted and was pretty chuffed.
went to drive it.... complete rubish, seemed worse than the old one.
following weekend took the gearbox out and went back to the breakers and had a right barney at them, they insisted that it wasn't the box they sold me.
(can't believe there pulling this one on me)
got home to realise they were right, so i spent a whole weekend removing a fcuked gearbox, then just bolting it back on.... the new (second hand) box just sat there the whole time :blush:
garetheves
02-04-06, 12:24
You should see the state we left the filter in, ill try and get my mate to go take a pic now.
This is the damage done. Just about to go and try to spin it the other way :blush:
http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/2047/dscf05293rf.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
. Put a post on one of the golf forums and it seems we have been trying for 3 hours to turn it the wrong way!!!!!!! We "assumed" that like everything it would unscrew anti-clockwise but suposedly its the opposite because they are fitted upside down.
Feel like a right lemon.
Feel lucky that it was only a Golf you've done it on... I spent about an hour and a half trying to get a fuel filter housing off a GE90 turbofan engine and succeeded in seizing the housing onto the fuel controller.... 4 men, a 1.5inch diameter wrench and an 8ft long scoffold pole later we managed to prise the little bas*ard off.... oh, and that engine costs about $12 million... I managed to breath again after it came off.
We may all just be human, but it doesn't mean we can all be thick...
Torque 2 much
14-04-06, 12:22
Hi new memeber,just hi 2 all
garetheves
14-04-06, 13:27
Hi new memeber,just hi 2 all
Welcome, but you've posted in the wrong thread mate. You need to start a new one in Off Topic.
MrRalphMan
19-04-06, 06:34
Just been to the loo.
Sat down, done my biz and started to wash my hands.
Now the sink is low for Wheelchair users and the hot air dryer is right above the sink. Push dispenser for the soap to the right of the dryer.
Now there isn't a plug, so we just leave the water running, water cannot flow away fast enought, so the water level slowly builds up.
Washed my hands once and rinsed then, so now theres soapy water in the bowl making soap suds.
I go to grab some more soap, but hit the dryer instead.
This doesn't mix well and I now have a small fountain of bubbles shooting out of the sink. Not filling the room, but they are going 4 to 5 foot in the air.
Have to let the dryer finish as I cannot get close without getting wet or bubbled.
Once it's stopped, finished up laughing to myself, open the door and there's the cleaner waiting to go in. :blush:
She prob thought I was a lout or something as the toilet