View Full Version : Okay, lets hear your 'stupid moments' !!!
sooper-supra
31-10-06, 01:36
stupid moments ,jesus i have one most days!!! my nick name is "shambles"
how about this one, lost all my car/house keys rolling about in the woods (like u do) .got home 3 hours later climbed through bathroom window stood on toilet which bent water intake pipe a little causing slight leek.as i was having a bad day i kicked the cistern in temper which shattered and flooded floor couldnt locate main water tap before water collapsed lounge ceiling causing £3000 damage in total.
just another day in the shambles house
lmao :rlol:
sooper-supra
31-10-06, 01:49
Couple of months back me and my son were in asda shopping for weekly shop and my son thinking he could use speed and the trolly lost control of the trolly and knocked over the nes cafe stand.. now with the trolly full of broken glass and coffee we left the trolly and had to start the shop again:(
Supra_Star
10-11-06, 17:26
I had to be removed from my bath by the fire brigade. Most embarrassing :Pling:
I was 8 months pregnant with my twins and had been out all day and was exhausted when I got home.
The best thing (I thought at the time) would be a nice hot bath to relax.
As I submurged myself into the hot bubbly water the twins moved and wedged me to the sides of the bath.
I tried everything to get the twins to move again including cold water, oil, massage and last but worst of all letting all the water out. I was wedged solid so my husband had no alternative but to call for assistance.
Be discreet I pleaded...... blues and twos later 8 firemen in my bathroom threatening to cut the bath to pieces but eventually an inflatable mat and some percivearance and out I popped, a little bruised and very embarrassed :Pling: :Pling:
SupraStar 3000
10-11-06, 17:35
LOL :)
Do you have any pics taken at the scene?
Supra_Star
10-11-06, 17:40
:blink:
No thank god!!
I didnt make the papers either although the niebours asked for days what was occuring LOL :p
SupraStar 3000
10-11-06, 17:48
Lol ;)
OMG how awful!!!!
(were any of them cute?)
Gaz Walker
10-11-06, 19:48
Be discreet I pleaded...... blues and twos later 8 firemen in my bathroom threatening to cut the bath to pieces but eventually an inflatable mat and some percivearance and out I popped, a little bruised and very embarrassed :Pling: :Pling:
Excellent... If your husband asked them to be discreet I am sure most of them wanted in to see what was going on :D
Gaz.
Supra_Star
10-11-06, 22:39
You know that and for about a week after they randomly phoned to see how I was. Very thoughtful I know but I couldn't help thinking they wanted to see what I looked like with clothes on. It was 18 years ago when this happened and it is still like it happened yesterday cos all my kids have great pleasure in telling everyone. One of those ones to haunt you forever :Pling: :Pling:
Not me but a chap at work was out in Glasgow I think...
He went into a gay bar/club on a night out with some gay mates, and eventually - after a few drinks - needed to go to the loo. No big deal, off he trots and on the way in to the gents is confronted with a turn left or right choice - as both seem to have one of those long trough type urinals he picks one at random and goes for a wee.
On his way out he sees some chaps seated to the side of the loo entrance cooing and chuckling and waving to him, looks back and realises that the side he went to has a one-way mirror; they could see in and he never realised! PMSL :D
The other side was more traditional and allowed more privacy, he accidentally went to the 'check me out' side. lol.
I reckons he left soon after that. ;)
Talking of pregnant and in the bath.... When the other half was expecting our nipper we'd been down to the hospital an they'd sent us home saying the usual come back when you can't stand the pain etc.
So we get back home & she decides to go for a bath, so I pop out down to the cash point to get some cash for parking etc, knowing its going to be a long night.
As I leave the house a car comes barreling round the corner & wipes out a lamp post, then the driver and passenger get out & scarper through the graveyard.
I call it in, flag down a passing traffic car (who was passing by totally oblivious to the obvious carnage) and completely forget about the Mrs doing an impression of a beached whale in the bath...... Until I get a phone call almost an hour afte I left. She's managed to reach her mobile that was on the floor by the bath. The water's cold & she's well into labour.
I never got to the cash point :(
Brilliant mate :D, although cant laugh too loud - baby due in a few weeks :scared:
Left work tonight, down the steps out the door....no Supra. F**k me, I nearly passed out. Ran round the carpark, then over to the compound fence to see if some twoc'er was driving it off. Security guard was heartbroken, he loves my car almost as much as I do...radioed the top maintenance bod, ready to check the security cameras. By now I had a small crowd round me, mucho sympathy as I was almost in tears. 'Did they nick your keys or summat ?' I was asked. I checked my pockets, and my keys were gone. Shit, SHIT.
Then Jane turned up and the penny dropped. Shed bought me into work this morning after Id dropped the Supra off at the bodyshop. Im still beetroot.
SupraStar 3000
13-11-06, 21:32
:rlol: class!
Max Headroom
13-11-06, 21:36
Left work tonight, down the steps out the door....no Supra. F**k me, I nearly passed out. Ran round the carpark, then over to the compound fence to see if some twoc'er was driving it off. Security guard was heartbroken, he loves my car almost as much as I do...radioed the top maintenance bod, ready to check the security cameras. By now I had a small crowd round me, mucho sympathy as I was almost in tears. 'Did they nick your keys or summat ?' I was asked. I checked my pockets, and my keys were gone. Shit, SHIT.
Then Jane turned up and the penny dropped. Shed bought me into work this morning after Id dropped the Supra off at the bodyshop. Im still beetroot.
Absolute classic, up there with the guy who couldn't find his fuel cap release switch in the car :)
SupraStar 3000
13-11-06, 21:39
Absolute classic, up there with the guy who couldn't find his fuel cap release switch in the car :)
You would need to be a complete wazzark not to know that :blink: :sly:
Max Headroom
13-11-06, 21:42
You would need to be a complete wazzark not to know that :blink: :sly:
I can't remember who it was :blink:
SupraStar 3000
13-11-06, 21:46
wasn't me mate ;)
I struggle with the boot release.
Max Headroom
13-11-06, 21:48
wasn't me mate ;)
I struggle with the boot release.
I just struggle !!:blink: :eyebrows: ;)
Left work tonight, down the steps out the door....no Supra. F**k me, I nearly passed out. Ran round the carpark, then over to the compound fence to see if some twoc'er was driving it off. Security guard was heartbroken, he loves my car almost as much as I do...radioed the top maintenance bod, ready to check the security cameras. By now I had a small crowd round me, mucho sympathy as I was almost in tears. 'Did they nick your keys or summat ?' I was asked. I checked my pockets, and my keys were gone. Shit, SHIT.
Then Jane turned up and the penny dropped. Shed bought me into work this morning after Id dropped the Supra off at the bodyshop. Im still beetroot.
Ha ha ha, you're a complete cock like the rest of us :D :D
Ha ha ha, you're a complete cock like the rest of us :D :D
:d too little sleep, too much brain fade. I felt so sorry for the security guard...the car was 'nicked' on his watch. 'you must of seen something' 'No, I didnt see a thing' 'Shit you must have HEARD it then, it was parked right next to your hut' 'Sorry Ewen, I didnt hear a thing' ...he was ashen, the poor sod:(
Gaz Walker
01-12-06, 21:39
'Shit you must have HEARD it then, it was parked right next to your hut' 'Sorry Ewen, I didnt hear a thing' ...he was ashen, the poor sod:(
Thats a corker, just had me :rlol:
Gaz.
thought id try and join in the fun :P
i was attempting to change a rear wheel on an HGV trailer, for those of you that have had dealings with these things you will know they are big, akward and the wheelnuts are somewhat tight :P
so i gets the wheelbrace on it and gives it a good push. no luck. fetches a lil piece of scaffold pole, attatches it to the end of the wheel brace and gives it a bit more effort. still no luck. so off i go into the garage and come out with a whopping 5 foot length of scaffold pole, sticks it onto the end of the wheelbrace, holds onto the side of the trailer and stands on it and starts jumping up n down. now at this point iam bouncing a good 2 foot up n down trying to get this nut loose, when each of my feet slip off the pole, leaving my feet firmy on the ground (for a split second at least) and a whopping great lengh of scaffold pole hurting upwards towards my love plums at quite an astonishing rate.
needless to say i was "quiet" for the rest of the day :search:
being a blonde I have them all the time! :d
had sex with an older woman in the back of a ford focus in the middle of town carpark.
Caught by customers who reconised my supra parked next to it, i am a retard sometimes
I was vacuuming round the fire (open type jobbie) sucking up cinders and dust etc when I smelt burning I looked round to see flames jetting out the back of the vacuum!! Grab vacuum and ran for the back door (its still on at this stage) and got about 2 feet away from it when the cable which is still plugged in ran out of length, cue a 20 second panic trying to get past the burning vacuum back into the livingroom to pull the plug out of the socket. Why o why o why did I not turn the vacuum off??????? Funny in hind sight freaked me out at the time.
I lifted 2 frozen pork chops out of the freezer and left them to defrost on the worktop, 3 hours later they are still frozen solid. Ah haaaaa brain wave I need to seperate the two chops!! retrieves a butter knife and jams it into the chops and turning the chops round so the knife ios at the bottom i in my wisdom started to beat the chops and knife of the worktop, result? knife straight through chops and into the palm of my hand!! 4 stiitches in palm of hand later and no self sex for a month made me realise it was a bad idea.
Nip out to the garage to get a loaf of bread, sitting at the lights I see another Sup go past, lights turn to green so I belt down the road after him, only to do 47 in a 30 past a bloody :bobby: parked in full view, on ':chav: racing night'... He has me in his sights as soon as I left the lights...
3 points later, I'm a twat...
(Yes this happened tonight and I'm still :diablo: about it)...
Suprasteve
09-01-07, 12:52
ok i got one...
I needed to use the toilet at work but the door was shut so i bang of the door shouting "you'd better not be dumping your load you smelly git" thinking it was my work mate Paul who was in there. To my horror Paul appears behind me just as the toilet door opens - it was the MD's wife ! she had popped in to pick up some files and i hadn't noticed.
...how fukcing embarrassed was i !?!?!
got a few!
I was born in australia and when I was 3 ish, being the young adventure seeker:) I climbed over a fence. only to fall and land on a cactus! trip too hospital followed to remove the needles.
Mate had a mini. and we had been driving to my folks when it started to run rough. Managed to get it there and decide to have a tinker and fit a few speakers in the back. Im fitting the speakers and he's messing under the bonnet. He starts the car up and wanders back round to the front. Im fitting the speakers and he calls my name out..... I cant hear what hes saying so carry on... he then shouts a bit louder what sounds like "turn the fcuking car off" so still not hearing him properly, I get out and walk round to him.... I was greeted with him shouting at me to shut the car off as he was removing the spark leads and testing them he had put his other hand on the wing and completed the circuit!! Oh how I laughed!!! He now works at toyota and does all my servicing etc.... I only worry when he goes "ahhh". You know he has broken something!:D
On a paintball session. near the end of the day a we are in the final fight and stuck in a small burrow againt 3 guys behind a wooden wall. These guys kept peppering us with paint and my mate was a little annoyed that he was pinned. so he raises his arm and fires a few rounds off. I stick my head up and I have never seen a paintball curve soooo much!! It went round the wooden boards and all we could hear was " OWWWWWW you *********!!!. had only hit him right in the nads, or to be more exact the end of his todger! him rolling on the floor and covered in red paint round his bollox! classic moment!
paul ashton
29-01-07, 11:29
Nip out to the garage to get a loaf of bread, sitting at the lights I see another Sup go past, lights turn to green so I belt down the road after him, only to do 47 in a 30 past a bloody :bobby: parked in full view, on ':chav: racing night'... He has me in his sights as soon as I left the lights...
3 points later, I'm a twat...
(Yes this happened tonight and I'm still :diablo: about it)...
Done the same at work,shouting stupid things at my mate,came out and he was there at his machine.
MattsSupra
29-01-07, 13:59
I once was sliding through a large cardboard box when i was about 5 with a pencil in my hand, anyway, i must have slipped and ended up with a pencil in embeded in the top corner of nose, just by my eye, do not remember much after that as i must have passed out, however i do have a grey mark where the pencil went in.
MattsSupra
29-01-07, 13:59
**double post**
i do have a grey mark where the pencil went in.
Would an eraser sort that?;)
This is a story about a good friend of mine called Julian who just can't seem to stay out of trouble. He has an endless vault of this kind of stuff that seems to always happen to him, and I know it's not me but it's worth telling...
He's a bright lad, just endlessly mischevious, and doesn't pay attention to the small details in life that he probably should. He's beet rooted out of 3 positions in my industry (he threatened to throw one boss out of his office window) and after a string of personal stress - all again stupid stories - he decides it's time to take life easy... So he gets a job as a site manager on a campsite on the Isle of Wight.
2 months into the job the tedium of life is starting to take it's toll. One afternoon when the boss is off site Jules finds himself engaged in an impromptu cross park race between himself, piloting a rear wheel steer put-put tipper, and his mate in a JCB. When the dumper rounds a corner at full speed Julian gets thrown from the tipper as it's rear steer wheels snatch onto full lock. Landing on his feet he manages to crack one of his heels and is consequently in a lot of pain.
This isn't even the start of his troubles however, as the tipper is stuck on full power, full lock, going round and round in circles, violently out of control and shows no signs of stopping.
To make matters worse it's not making perfect circles; it's moving towards the static caravans. It's also way too dangerous to go anywhere near the thing on foot, plus Jules can hardly walk. They try fruitlessly to try and knock the throttle off the thing by jousting it with pipes, then throw rocks at it, but time is running out as it's getting way too close to the residents caravans.
There was only one thing they could do - they had to kill the tipper.. So Jules - the only one who could use the arm on the JCB - hobbled in and went to work. A tough cookie apparently, it took 3 stamps with the rear bucket on three different passes, but he pummeled it's lights out good and proper..
Boss returns to ask why they have mashed the tipper to death with the JCB, and Jules can't really give a good excuse; "technical difficulties" was about all he could muster.
Surprisingly he still works there now.
Whilst serving in the RAF in Cyprus, a load of us went to my mates stag do. After playing bar golf for most of the night (steamin), i decided it was time to tie him to a tree (with the intenetion of leaving him there all night.
The plan was hatched, as i shouted get him he ran out of the bar and set off down the road ( it was well lit, smooth as a babies arse and had white lines down the middle). As i couldn't focus i decided to use the white lines as i guide to aid running, however, i forget to focus on where my feet were and tripped over them.
Obvoiusly i made no attempt to break my fall and landed straight on my shoulder.
As i was lying there screaming my mate came to help me up ( by the shoulder), when he seen i was in agony he took me back to the bar where he berated with bar staff to send 'warm milk and towels' hows that going to help with a badly broken collarbone i'll never know.
Gaz Walker
17-02-07, 21:18
Boss returns to ask why they have mashed the tipper to death with the JCB, and Jules can't really give a good excuse; "technical difficulties" was about all he could muster.
Thats brilliant, I would have loved to seen the look the boss' face :D
Gaz.
[QUOTE=wobblybox;1198889]I was vacuuming round the fire (open type jobbie) sucking up cinders and dust etc when I smelt burning I looked round to see flames jetting out the back of the vacuum!! Grab vacuum and ran for the back door (its still on at this stage) and got about 2 feet away from it when the cable which is still plugged in ran out of length, cue a 20 second panic trying to get past the burning vacuum back into the livingroom to pull the plug out of the socket. Why o why o why did I not turn the vacuum off??????? Funny in hind sight freaked me out at the time.
_______________________________________________________
I was messing arround with my new 300w stereo, and i had my mp3 player on input, so the volume was rather high, so i go to sleep, next thing i know at 4:00am fucking "I TAKE YOU TO THE CANDY SHOP, ILL LET YOU LICK THE LOLIPOP, GO HEAD GIRL DONT YOU STOP" Blasting out soo loud, and in a flurry i ran downstairs and pulled the main fuse out for the sockets?? why didnt i just turn of the stereo off?
when i was in iraq a friend of mine was the only biological casualty out there due to accidently injecting himself with a combi pen(a tube with a 3" needle with antripene used to prevent nerve agent poisoning) into his thumb,he went white for a few seconds then fainted,we had to rush him to the medic as he was starting to suffer antripene poisoning when the nurse looked at his pupils and was about to give him another shot with a combi pen thinking he had nerve agent poisoning,was a close one,and he saw the funny side when he woke up
(RobCowley's thread about his GF over filling her oil reminded me of this but I don't want to hi-jack a Tech thread)
Years ago, my ex phoned me at work and said "you know I said last night about my heater doesn't seem to be working very well and you said to check the radiator level? Well I've put 10 kettle-fulls of water in but it's still not full. Do you think it'll be enough to get me to work?"
I was like "TEN??? Where exactly did you put this water?"
Yep, she'd put it in the engine! Nice one. At least she hadn't started the engine and a couple of oil changes in quick succession fixed the problem.
Mind you, I've done a stupid thing like that. A stone had gone through the radiator of my grasstrack car during a race. We repaired the hole in the pits between races but when I went to fill the rad I picked up the wrong Jerry can and filled the rad with petrol.
No more racing for me that day! We didn't dare start the car. :(
dangerous brain
13-03-07, 07:01
A mate did similar with a four tonner once. Parked it the wrong side of the pump without realising. Got approx 10-15 litres in and it blew back at him. He'd only somehow managed to jam the diesel nozzle in the engine oil filler tube :D
Once was in a rush to get out on the town and noticed a crease on my shirt (that I had put on)
Nipped down grabbed the iron and ironed it out whilst wearing -slipped and burnt a triangle over my lips with front of iron
IDIOT !!! lol
Max Headroom
25-03-07, 00:08
Once was in a rush to get out on the town and noticed a crease on my shirt (that I had put on)
Nipped down grabbed the iron and ironed it out whilst wearing -slipped and burnt a triangle over my lips with front of iron
IDIOT !!! lol
Sorry just trying to picture the scene!! Priceless :blink:
I filled my lighter up once by syphoning some petrol out of my Dad's car while it was still in the garage.
It was only when I flicked the lighter to test it that I realised the place was a bit "fumey". :(
Luckily no harm done to garage or car and Dad never did find out why I had no eyebrows for a few weeks. ;)
not really my stupid moment, but i can add to the list....
we just had a fire in our office on friday... someone put a potato in the microwave to cook for.....25 minutes!!!! and on a plastic plate! :shock:
No bloody wonder it faffing exploded and melted the damn oven !!!
so i had to go stand outside with my fluorescent yellow fire marshal jacket on waiting for the fire brigade to turn up!!
we were out for about an hour, thankfully in the sunshine, but now the office stinks of smoke and its nasty!! and for the rest of the afternoon we ripped the p*ss out of the potato cremator :)
dangerous brain
08-04-07, 20:58
not really my stupid moment, but i can add to the list....
we just had a fire in our office on friday... someone put a potato in the microwave to cook for.....25 minutes!!!! and on a plastic plate! :shock:
No bloody wonder it faffing exploded and melted the damn oven !!!
so i had to go stand outside with my fluorescent yellow fire marshal jacket on waiting for the fire brigade to turn up!!
we were out for about an hour, thankfully in the sunshine, but now the office stinks of smoke and its nasty!! and for the rest of the afternoon we ripped the p*ss out of the potato cremator :)
You wanna right laugh do the same thing with a handfull of chilli's (without the plastic plate though) Hot pepper spray pain in an instant :D
Thought I would breath some more life into this thread, especially as reading the first few pages has had me in stitches!
Back in the day when I owned a Corsa C 1.2 SXI, i decided to paint the calipers. Everyone was doing it so thought why not. (yes you know what's coming...)
Jacked the car up, wheels off, washed the calipers, let them dry and then painted them a nice red. Wheels went back on, tightened them up and then lowered the car.
I put all the stuff i was using back into the garage and tidied up. Went inside and left the car for an hour or two (it was a blistering day).
Anyway, night came, and I got a phonecall from a mate saying we were going out. I got ready and jumped in the car. When i got to the top of the road to brake I heard a knocking clunking sound... strange i thought. Never heard that before.
A few turns and straights later the clunking sound was incredibly loud and i knew something serious was up. I slowed down to pull over and all of a sudden the nearside wheel came flying off. There was a moment where I had a sort of 'out of body' experience and i was looking at myself sitting in the car watching this wheel bounce down the road towards a busy roundabout. It took what seemed like a few minutes for me to gather my thoughts, put the hazards on and get out the tilted car.
The car had slammed down onto the discs and the arch lining had come away slightly. I set off jogging down the road to retrieve the wheel (which luckily had landed face up in some bushes on the actual roundabout itself). I jacked the car up, put it back on using the spare bolts and made sure to tighten it this time when I lowered it.
Got back in the car, drove 5 metres...... CLUNK CLUNK CLUUUNK BAM!
Offside one goes.
I still went out that night despite being in a foul mood with myself. A trip to the bodyshop at the weekend to get the lining sorted out and some new disks and she was good as new lol.
How dumb can you get.
Gaz Walker
26-04-07, 12:13
Lmao... as if 1 wasn't bad enough :D :p
Gaz.
garetheves
29-04-07, 10:02
Ok ive got one, not me but a friend of mine yesterday. He's a detailer by trade and is helping me detail my car this weekend. Went inside to fill the bucket with water at which point his phone rang. He answered and held it between his cheek and shoulder so he could talk while carrying the bucket. Anyway, he felt the phone start to slip and he obviously didnt want it falling the 6` odd to the floor as it would surely break, so instead he decided to catch it. Sensible thinking i hear you say. Only problem is he has his hands full with the bucket.
Plop.
Yes he actually moved the bucket towards the falling phone thinking it would be safer than letting it hit the floor.
Best thing is it still worked as was able to tell the guy on the other end what had happened. Quickly switched it off to let it dry but it doesnt work now... Surprisingly ;)
pistonbroke
30-04-07, 12:09
Whilst in boarding school down in Easy Sussex, me and a few mates thought it would be funny to use gone off fish that someone had caught in the cuckmere river and left in the fridge for weeks in some sort of prank. We lived in a boarding house that had a house master, which was the schools chemistry teacher. One Sunday, we broke into his bedroom and ripped up the floorboards under his radiator and placed the fish there. To say it stunk was an understatement, the whole house reeked heavily of fish to the point where it hit your gag reflex when you stood near his room. However, we were totally unaware of the fact that he had been in an unfortunate accident years before involving a bunsen burner and had burnt his nasal receptors which in turn affected his sense of smell, to the point where he didn't have any. A week went passed and the cleaner came in to go over the place, on walking into his room, she was physically sick. It was reported to the school and the whole house was condemned until the source of the smell was found. The ripped up all the floorboards and found the culprit fish, they instantly knew it was me and my mates who did it and they interrogated us one by one until one of us confessed. Using the old, tell us who did it and you'll only be suspended, whereas everyone else involved would be expelled. My so called good mate bubbled me up and I was expelled for it. :D
i once farted and followed through, quite recently actually
I got a loosely Supra related one for you.
I noticed I had an oil leak around the top of the rocker cover (see current threads :rolleyes: )
When I first saw it I didn't have a clue what it was so I was getting in and having a good old look.
Later on my dad popped round and I was telling him about it. He told me to pop the bonnet and let him have a look which I did. Whilst I was pointing out the oil leak he asked me why I had a smashed pair of sunglasses on top of my suspension leg.
It was then I realised that I had taken them off to get a better look earlier :blink: Diesel shades so now £100 down before I've even been to a garage
About a month or so ago while in work on nights, we had been out fitting smoke alarms in someones house. When we had finished walked out the house and it was pitch black so i turned round to the lad I had been in the house with and said, watch these steps mate. Next thing I went flying down them all and went to grab the wall but some how managed to pull the brick wall over on to me to.
Just remembered another one, reminded by a story about standing on a toilet and then hitting it.
My final year of high school in SA, girlfriend at the time was in the same year. At our farewell dance we decide that the bathroom would be a good place to go....as you do...
With me sitting on the toilet, her ontop of me..... couple of minutes later the whole bloody toilet decides to come away from the wall dropping the 2 of us on the floor in a rather heavy manner... cracking the actual toilet.
We run out thinking nothing of it.... Apparently leaving it like that, and not switching off the water was not a good thing...
Thankfully did not get busted for that.
When i went to pick up my MK4 Golf, the blooming salesman had decided to park it on the steepest drive i've ever seen in my life. So i had to do a hillstart in a petrol car for the first time (I'd been driving a TDI). Just to add the suspense, there was a £32,000 07 plate VW Touareg parked a metre or so behind.
Nevertheless, after 3 rollbacks, leaving me about 1cm away from the new touareg, i managed to floor it up the drive and away. And just to cap it all off, I nearly took my wing mirror off turning out :>
Forgetting how to hillstart is not good :D
Ok not be but my girlfriend made me laugh the other day.
Sat at a railway crossing gates down and a big great eastern train goes past didnt look like there was many people on it.
She turns and says to me "look babes theres hardly anyone on that train.. what a waste of petrol"
I laughed for bloody ages and explained that passenger trains are electric haha
I disassembled a live plug socket thinking the power had been turned off. Got electricuted and knocked myself out after falling off the chair i was on. Never again!!!!! :d
I disassembled a live plug socket thinking the power had been turned off. Got electricuted and knocked myself out after falling off the chair i was on. Never again!!!!! :d
lol, thats just bloody crazy :blink:
I disassembled a live plug socket thinking the power had been turned off. Got electricuted and knocked myself out after falling off the chair i was on. Never again!!!!! :dlol, thats just bloody crazy :blink:
No, that's just bloody stupid. :D ;)
While at college learning to be a carpenter, we where always told to put hand planes on there side, and not on there face to protect the blade, anyway this was drummed in over the course. While working on site on my first job, shooting in an internal door, using an electric plane, took as much off as was need, then put the plane down, on its side, and remove the tops of three of my fingers at the same time. That really hurt, and it was a winters morning, which didn't help:d
While in Las Vegas in Jan for the boxing, I was given a Stun Gun off one of the lads I had been doing security work with as he was going home.
Later that day I decided to have a play with it as I had never had one before. After dismantling it and finding the 9v batt that powered it I thought it cant give that bad a shock from one of those! :blink: So while sat in a chair I decided to shove my thumb between the two electrods and press the button. :omg: I was told I made a really funny grunting noise before coming round slumped in the chair.
My good god never try it, my arm was killing for days after, and you sure can get a shock that would drop an elephant from a 9V batt.:p Very funny though.
Gaz Walker
26-05-07, 10:03
I was told I made a really funny grunting noise before coming round slumped in the chair.
My good god never try it, my arm was killing for days after, and you sure can get a shock that would drop an elephant from a 9V batt.:p Very funny though.
:rlol:
Very good :D
I went to the cash point this morning to get some money out. I put my card in, put my pin number in and checked the balance. I then keyed in that I wanted £20.
The machine did it's job and then gave me my card back, in it goes into the wallet and off I go. on my drive to work I stop off at the shop to get a drink, go to pay and.. oh sh1t........ I've left the money sticking out of the cash machine!!
Needless to say when i got back to the cash point the money had gone! D'oh!
I went to the cash point this morning to get some money out. I put my card in, put my pin number in and checked the balance. I then keyed in that I wanted £20.
The machine did it's job and then gave me my card back, in it goes into the wallet and off I go. on my drive to work I stop off at the shop to get a drink, go to pay and.. oh sh1t........ I've left the money sticking out of the cash machine!!
Needless to say when i got back to the cash point the money had gone! D'oh!
i did that a couple of months back. the money didnt come out of my account though. i think if you dont grab the money with a few seconds it gets sucked back into the machine.
When I went back i checked my account again and got another £20 out:)! and it showed the 2 lots of £20 going out.
Wouldn't worry too much - if nobody takes the cash after about 30 seconds, the machines eat it again.
GeordieSteve
05-06-07, 10:59
Surprised I didn’t post this earlier! Yet another moment of stupidity from yours truly…
A few years back now I worked as an IT engineer for a company with 11 offices throughout England & Scotland. As part of the job we had to travel to different sites for upgrades and support. Of course sending two heavy drinking Geordie lads away for a few days always resulted in us getting completely plastered and ending up in a right mess… The time we went to Stafford was among the worst!
We’d finished work early, maybe 2:30 in the afternoon and headed straight out on the drink. I rang a couple of lads I know down that neck of the woods and they agreed to come pay us a visit. By the time they turned up it was 12 o’clock and they turned up in just enough time to see us being escorted out of an Indian restaurant for being too drunk.
We headed back to the hotel with a car full of ale and carried on as usual getting totally and completely out of it. Annnnnnyway, much passing out later everyone had left and I went to bed. I got up during the night to go to the toilet. Normally a very simple task but I was still 99% asleep and very very drunk. Kind of a Stella induced trance if you like. To cut a long story short I couldn’t find the toilet in my very small room so I took off looking for the other lad’s room (my boss) to use his! So off I set… along the corridor, down the stairs, through reception and down the hall before knocking on the door. The door opened and I burst in desperate for the lav. It wasn’t until I started to “go” I head a voice cry “erm… excuse me” and I started to wake up. I looked out of the bathroom door and a very frightened bloke was lying in bed covering himself with a sheet. I’d got the wrong room… and I was stark bollock naked!!!!! I decided an explanation wouldn’t really fix things so I waved and said “good morning” and walked back out of his room, along the hall, through reception, up the stairs, along the corridor still as naked as a baby.
RobSheffield
05-06-07, 11:13
:rlol: nutter :D
Gaz Walker
05-06-07, 11:48
Of course sending two heavy drinking Geordie lads away for a few days always resulted in us getting completely plastered and ending up in a right mess...
Speak for yourself ;) :p
Since GeordieSteve has admitted to that story :rlol: I too have a very similar tale of woe involving drink and a hotel...
A few years back, here in HK, I was having an ale or two in my local boozer. When it came time to leave, I noticed that I didn't have my house keys in my pocket with the change. So I thought about it, swayed a bit and being pretty smashed, thought descretion was the best part of valour and it would be a good idea to check myself into a local hotel.
I remember getting up for a slash in the middle of the night and having a little problem with the door getting back to my room. Considering the bathroom was an integral part of the room...:Pling:
Anyway I wake up in the morning, feeling a little jadded around the edges... Had my shower, brushed teeth with supplied brush and had my morning ritual crap as usual. I then went back to the bedroom and noticed a few thing missing. Well in fact everything - wallet, phone, cash, shoes, clothes, etc. I had been robbed.
Hmmm, what to do? Manage to phone a mate on the room phone and explain the situation. He's of course howling with laughter but agrees to bring a set of clothes and some money over, to get me out of there. Sorted.
In the meantime, it would probably be best to go and tell the hotel staff about the robbery and my predicament. Now, as this is usually a love (short time) hotel, the towels are not very big. So I go down basically naked to the reception, being covered by next to nothing and explain it all. Due to seriousness of this problem, the Manager is called and we head off to view the room. The Manager is very concerned and very apologetic.
When we are walking towards my room, the staff member suddenly veers off in another direction.
Me: "But my room is down this corridor".
Staff: "No sir, your room is down here and infact, here it is".
She opens door and viola, there is all my stuff...
Somehow during that visit to the bog, I had waked half way across the hotel floor and found another unlocked room... lucky for me, it was empty... :blink:
Mucho apologies to the hotel and I'm out of there as quick as I possibly could. My mates still take the piss to this day.
What a twat :haha:
MrRalphMan
06-06-07, 05:44
Not really stupid, but last night I was working.
Had a cuppa soup and then crashed on my desk around 04:00ish.
Woke up after 40 mins and found that the desk was wet.
I didn't have my glasses on as I had crashed face first on the desk.
Looked down and I found a pool of dark coloured liquid. Thought it was blood and sure enough it was coming out of my nose.
After putting my glasses on and waking up a little I discovered it wasn't blood, but Oxtail soup.
Somehow it had come back up and found it's way out of my nose.
Pretty gross...
Not really stupid, but last night I was working.
Had a cuppa soup and then crashed on my desk around 04:00ish.
Woke up after 40 mins and found that the desk was wet.
I didn't have my glasses on as I had crashed face first on the desk.
Looked down and I found a pool of dark coloured liquid. Thought it was blood and sure enough it was coming out of my nose.
After putting my glasses on and waking up a little I discovered it wasn't blood, but Oxtail soup.
Somehow it had come back up and found it's way out of my nose.
Pretty gross...
Eeeeewwwwww, god thats nasty...!
Metallikev
20-06-07, 13:58
A few years ago, when i was about 17 or 18 i was seeing a girl who lived in the middle of nowhere, so one night she phones me and says "Wanna come round because my mums gone out for the night" bearing in mind her mother is v v protective, great i think and get my mate to give me a lift down there. Anyway were parked up waiting for her to phone to say her mum had gone out, she phones and i go round. Got settled in, watched a dvd and then got down to it, a while later i'm sat in her window smoking a cig, feelin pretty happy about things when i saw a car coming down the road, bearing in mind its the middle of nowhere i told her and she looked and said dont worry about it, then she went to look, heard her say "S**t its mum" at which point i jump up, grab my clothes on the floor, fall down the stairs and have to crawl on my belly past the front door (only in my boxers) as her mum is putting the key in and run to the back door, run out and hide behind the house.
I'm crouched down, lookin round the corner waiting for her mum to move out of view so i can vault the 6ft wall behind the house, which i did, sat behind the wall putting my clothes back on and then i get a phone call to say her mum knows someone has been here and is going mental, anyway with this being the country i was imagining rather large shotguns lol, so ran across this field jumped over a barbed wire fence tearing my jeans to shreds, ran down the road and everytime a car came behind me would do a commando roll into the field next to me and lay flat down, did this for about 3 or 4 miles fearing for my life lol, at the same time trying to direct my mate back (who had got lost looking for me). Eventually he found me and told him to put his foot down and take me back home!. I laugh about the whole thing now but i really was bricking it at the time lol
That really made me laugh! great story!
stevieskydive
20-06-07, 16:59
a few years ago i was in germany with my ex (stupid b*tch lol) and there was a german family in this shop we were in.
the little german girl was speaking to her mum,in german obviously,when i turned round to my ex n said
"isnt that little girl clever,she's only about 5 years old n can speak better german than me"
she looked shocked n replied "yeah she's really clever"
even when i started laughing at her she still never clicked
:lol:
love these threads
esp page 1 glue in mouth :lol:
similar experience with superglue only not as funny,about 15yrs ago i was put into our stores while the storeman was off sick, new experience for me, so i was nervous, i also had a crown in my front tooth, i sneezed and the crown shot out and smashed off the wall and went into the shittiest corner in the stores, dug it out covered in all sorts and, ahh hah SUPERGLUE great idea i thought so i glued the 3 pieces together and proceeded to glue it into the hole in my tooth, all this very hurriedly before any other engineers or bosses came through, but yes it happened my fingers were stuck fast to the tooth which was now well stuck to the hole it fell out off, luckily my hands were oily and very dirty so i just yanked them off and they came away quite easily,minus some skin,just as engineers and said bosses started to come through for parts etc,it went on for the afternoon until i went to the toilet only to see a huge black fingerprint stuck on the tooth in glue and black cracks on the tooth, nobody had said a word, well to my face anyway
john
Lol! some funny storys,
I got loads but heres and embarrassing one.
When i was at college a few years ago. I was in the entrance bit leaning on radiator waiting for a friend in the bar. Well it happened to be an open day so there was about 50 people, loads of fit girls and their mums really. They were all looking at me funny for 5mins or so.. and the caretaker come over and whispered something, i had no idea what he said so i just smiled. Then he said it again, and i thought he was talking about the radiator i was leaning on so i looked round and it and i said sorry or something, he said it again and still i had no idea, I just wanted him to go away. Then he practically shouted your flies are undone and pointed. White boxers and hands in pockets means they were stretched open like never before, and everyone looked and giggled.. so i pretended to walk in the shop done them up and came out and had to walk through everyone.
Walking in the shop was a bad move, i should have just done them up infront of everyone lol
Ive gotta a few muppit moments but this one springs to mind.
When i was youger (can really remember how old), i helped my dad decorate the kitchen, paint everything and it looked pritty good.
A couple of day's later (just enough time for the paint to dry) i decided i was going to make french bread, wasnt too good at cooking but hay!, my sister wanted to talk to me about something, usuall sister tripe lol, so i left the frying pan for what i thought was a min! I remember sitting upstairs talking to my sister thinking, Thats abit too much smoke for a cig? S@#t ran down stairs only to be knocked off my feet as i opened the kitchen door to a massive ball of fames oooops!!!
spent the rest of the day re-painting the now char-grilled kitchen!!
Ive gotta a few muppit moments but this one springs to mind.
When i was youger (can really remember how old), i helped my dad decorate the kitchen, paint everything and it looked pritty good.
A couple of day's later (just enough time for the paint to dry) i decided i was going to make french bread, wasnt too good at cooking but hay!, my sister wanted to talk to me about something, usuall sister tripe lol, so i left the frying pan for what i thought was a min! I remember sitting upstairs talking to my sister thinking, Thats abit too much smoke for a cig? S@#t ran down stairs only to be knocked off my feet as i opened the kitchen door to a massive ball of fames oooops!!!
spent the rest of the day re-painting the now char-grilled kitchen!!
oops, see what i mean about muppit moments lol, sorry!!!
pistol pete
15-08-07, 19:14
my silly/funny moment from recently
went out with my mum her B/f and me wife
i am sat in the front of their almera (51 plate i think) and think hmm sitting a bit far away (in passanger seat) so pull up lever and look around for something to grab hold on to pull meself forward, i know the centre console
so just as i start to pull my self forward i go shooting back onto me mum's legs with most of the centre consol come away from the car in me hand (i am not big only 11.5 stone so not my weight) but the whole centre consol comes off
stereo, heater controls air con conrtrols, air vents everything
theres me looking horrified i had just pulled their not very well put together car back together with everyone pissing them selves laughting and dave driving almost driving down a ditch cos he is crying with laughter
i have taken loads of car interiors apart but none that easy!!
got it back together ok
pistol pete
15-08-07, 19:27
one about my car and the previous owner
as some know my car has remote start
to make things worse to you know what is comming he fills up the car - 80 odd squid
goes to a noght club on the way in stuffs teh keys in his pocket comes out in some early hours of the morning seeing the lights on the front of the car hmm gets cloaser heres it running and teh red warning petrol light on
doh
i haev been so careful to make sure i do not do it
Got 2 electric shocks off the washing machine whilst trying to repair it last weekend second one was a belter tripped the hole house out and then later moved onto the pride and joy to finish some wiring for the new stereo and the override for the kenlowe fan...it was all going well until the mother in-law wanted to come with me to the petrol station and where after filling up i go to get back in the supe and the frigging thing starts to catch alight... yes you guessed it the wiring had shorted on the bulk head and was glowing a treat....F.ck i was like a headless chicken!! managed to save it an still go to the Brighton meet the next day....result is mother in-law is now to scared to out with me again and i think me and electrics don't go!!
A few months ago I found one of those shoe-box sized outdoor ashtrays on the way home after getting quite refreshed at the pub with some mates and decided it would be big and clever to empty the contents on one of my mates.
He disagreed, flailed his arms around and it ended up hitting me in the head, just above my eye. Lots of blood came out and was still comming out when we got back to mine.
So, being the resourceful lot that we are, we found a needle and some cotton in a drawer and my bladdered mate stitched my head up.
I now have quite a deep scar above my eyebrow and lots of little holes around it where he kept fooking up the stitches.
Probably not my cleverest moment, but it did save sitting in A&E with all the other drunken idiots.:rolleyes:
I have a chinchilla called Rolo. He is about 5 months old and tears around the house like a tasmanian devil. He loves screamig up the stairs and launching himself onto the toilet seat and then bouncing up into the sink.
Except a week ago we forgot to put the seat down! I realised just as he tore out of the kitchen. I ran after him and was halfway up the stairs when I heard an almighty PLOP! a few seconds silence and then frantic splashing. Went into the bathroom and he was jumping up and down in the bowl trying to get out. Chinchillas hate water and it is very bad for them because their fur is so dense the water can't evaporate. Anyway I got him into a towel and after a few hours giving me accusing looks he forgave me
I once did a headgasket change on a rover... i did it without a hayne!!!
Anyway i was that eager to see if it worked and started it up without tightening up the head bolts :D
I was back fitting another HG the next week!!
kieren1234
27-09-07, 18:23
I have a chinchilla called Rolo. He is about 5 months old and tears around the house like a tasmanian devil. He loves screamig up the stairs and launching himself onto the toilet seat and then bouncing up into the sink.
Except a week ago we forgot to put the seat down! I realised just as he tore out of the kitchen. I ran after him and was halfway up the stairs when I heard an almighty PLOP! a few seconds silence and then frantic splashing. Went into the bathroom and he was jumping up and down in the bowl trying to get out. Chinchillas hate water and it is very bad for them because their fur is so dense the water can't evaporate. Anyway I got him into a towel and after a few hours giving me accusing looks he forgave me
Pics??? Whats a chinchilla??
i got banned from the local asda for going into the changing rooms and shouting "excuse me has anyone seen the toilet paper"
not as bad as the time i put a trail of ketchup from one end of an isle to the feminine hygene section and drained the rest off, cant really understand why they banned me:innocent::innocent:
I got engaged at 20 to a bit of a tart. It didn't last long:d That was pretty stupid:p
Me and the missus were on a cruise around the caribbean and the ship was stopping off in Jamaica, this would of been the first stop on the cruise so we were eager to get off and see the sights, so were sitting in the main reception area of the boat with the tour guide telling us where we are going to visit there must of been 50-60 ppl going on this trip aswell, The tour guide mentions that were going to see Kingston town, Dunns river falls and Montego Bay...... I asked why on earth would we want to see where those terrorist prisoners are kept... After maybe 5 mins off people p*ssing themselves with laughter the guide told me that the place i was talking about is Guantanamo Bay which is in Cuba not Jamaica.. Smugg gits. I still get the p*ss taken out of me when the missus shows the pictures to her friends. Was a nice holiday if you forget that. :D
My latest moment, well oe of them.
Recently went to Rome on holiday, so in this nice hotel, nice big LCD tv, etc. Watching a bit of tv that I cannot understand before going to bed and playing on the internet at the same time.
Finally decide time for bed, go get some water, glass by the bedside. Grab the sheets of the bed, that re firmly tucked in under the matress and pull. Matress goes flying, then no power, all lights, TV tripped, etc.
Go outside, bitching and moaning since I stubbed my toe on the bed while walking out. Guy comes up and after a lot of moaning, turns out power was tripped on the main breaker.
Get back to the room, pick up the matress and ........ SH!T! The water landed on the laptop power supply... might have explained that lovely cracking sound :D Opps
Ending up upsetting quite a few people
tonight, my misses asked me to run us a bath. she said to have the hot tap on 75%, i then asked how many % should i have the cold tap on :blink: in my defence i have been out all night
I met, married and split from wife no.2 in 4 weeks end to end!! Marriage lasted just 36 hours!! Beat that! :d
I met, married and split from wife no.2 in 4 weeks end to end!! Marriage lasted just 36 hours!! Beat that! :d
OMG! THat's mad!:blink:
OMG! THat's mad!:blink:
No shit!!! It was a hot summer and I was bored!!! Other than that I have no explanation for such an out of character moment of stupidity! Wasn't even drunk!
No shit!!! It was a hot summer and I was bored!!! Other than that I have no explanation for such an out of character moment of stupidity! Wasn't even drunk!
:rlol:You were bored?:rlol::rlol::rlol:
LMAO!!!
this is great, its like 'Pub talk' :)
thought of another one.
board at work and I decide to make a parcel tape base ball for a quick game of catch in the store room.
I chuck this rock hard ball of tape to an another guy and hit him bang in the nuts.
As he rolls around in pain I just watch on laughing.
After he regains composure he throws it back.
So I pick up the ball and before he can react SMACK right in the love spuds again.
I fall about laughing again but this guy starts getting mad. He walks upto this roll of bubble wrap and pulls off a few inches, turns his back to me and shoves it down his pants. With his codpiece in place he goes to through the ball back just as the boss walks in.
I stand to attention and try to look innocent whilst this other guy suddenly realises the large bulge down his pants and pulls the bubble wrap out quickly throwing it away.
......... Unfortunately the bubble wrap wasn’t the only thing that was pulled out!
Yep,..right infront of the boss he accidentally pulls out his little chap.
Wasn’t funny at the time but after the embarrassment I couldn't stop laughing.
I am in tears here, thats so funny. :d
MrRalphMan
24-11-07, 16:33
A while ago I was badgered into getting petrol for the Mrs car.. It was dark, raining and to be honest I wasn't too happy.....
Jumped in the car and drove to Tesco's.
Got out of the soop.... Got back in and drove home to pick up the Mrs Mondeo... :blink:
Well ok here we go. One funny and one rather embarrassing one:
When I was about 3-4 years old I went out with my dad to a pub football game. Half way my dad needed the loo. Not wanting to leave me alone in a pub full of strangers he took mew into the blokes toilets with him.
Back in those days most men's urinals had little smelly stones in the bottom to stop the stench.
Long story cut short, when my dad finished his wee he wondered where I got the sweetie from I was now happily sucking on :(
Now for the adult moment.
When I was 18 and living in Germany, I sneaked into the army barracks with my then boyfriend. Went into his room and got a little friendly, since his room mate , who was in same room, was asleep we didn't have any light's on. Neways, my bloke decides to use some lube and grabs something from shelf above him.
Wasn't till the searing burning sensation started, you know where, that he realised he had picked up his tube of algipan.
Not funny then but it is now.
:tongue:
a funny story a friend once told me **its worth the read**
he was a keen golf player, he often took his son with him (he was about 4-5 years old at the time) his son also liked the golf as well, you know the thing, wacking the wee plastic ball about the place etc, etc.... so one day after cumming home from the course, the first thing he would always do is clean the clubs etc, this day he opened the boot and the wife called him in side for something, his wee lad just stood at the boot staring at the bag and its contents, as my mate was walkin out of the house he overheard a conversation between the neighbour and his kid, the neighbour asks" have you been away playing golf today?" to which he replies "yes" , "were you any good, today?" asks the man, to which he replies " i think i was, because when i good daddy always lets me wash his balls"
I normally park the supra on the drive away from the garage, today there was a car parked in my usual spot so I parked in front of the garage instead.
When I opened the garage door it came out and KERKLUNNNK!!! as it hit the front of the supra. NOOOOOO!!! And now I have a deep 3" scrape near the front light. It was only resprayed a few months back. DOH :( not happy
I normally park the supra on the drive away from the garage, today there was a car parked in my usual spot so I parked in front of the garage instead.
When I opened the garage door it came out and KERKLUNNNK!!! as it hit the front of the supra. NOOOOOO!!! And now I have a deep 3" scrape near the front light. It was only resprayed a few months back. DOH :( not happy
OUCHY!! :(
Well ok here we go. One funny and one rather embarrassing one:
When I was about 3-4 years old I went out with my dad to a pub football game. Half way my dad needed the loo. Not wanting to leave me alone in a pub full of strangers he took mew into the blokes toilets with him.
Back in those days most men's urinals had little smelly stones in the bottom to stop the stench.
Long story cut short, when my dad finished his wee he wondered where I got the sweetie from I was now happily sucking on :(
:eek::faint::shock: did it taste of beer? :D
:eek::faint::shock: did it taste of beer? :D
No it tasted revolting like washing up liquid :taped:
A funny thing happened the other night, it was seriously embrassing. We all know what its like to want a wee right? but I wanted a poo. Read on. it gets quite messy so be warned.
Well I was out going clubbing. IT was my usual club, and they didnt let me in. No biggy. I would go to another club, but before I did, I thought I would walk home and float a log.
On the way back I found that i really needed to go. I thought, hey no problem. I can "hold" it till I get home. Then I reallised i was struggling badly, It was starting to hurt so I just had to stop and try and squeeze it further up me and hope it would go away. So there I was. By the road side, grimacing and squeezing. Luckily there was hardly anyone around.
Then I thought shit, someone I know lives here. It's a communal house, and I havent seen these guys for a while. I have been out of touch. And it would be pretty wierd to just know on the door and ask to use their toilet.
They had a window open, I knocked on that, and said hi (done that before). They asked if i wanted to come in , I said yeah.
They opened the door, and let me in, and after a very few words of small talk, I asked to go and use their loo. I ursehd upstairs almost in pain. sat on the loo, and let rip! I was relieved to say the least, but my relief didnt last long when I looked around and saw there was no toliet paper. I stood up As quick as I could, and went to flush the loo. Only it didnt flush. I took lifted off the cistern lid trying to push and prod various bits to get it flush. Couldnt do it! I scrabbled around in the waste paper bin to find bits of loo roll to wipe myself with - luckily there were some useable bits in. I did my thing and pulled up my trousers and wandered downstairs and thought that honesty was the best policy, and decided to tell the guys about the loo. "oh yeah", they said. "it's broken, theres a bucket up there you can use." I wondered back upstairs and after three or four bucket loads of water, I headed down. lighter, and wondering if I should have chanced the walk home that night. I actually went out clubbing with these guys later, and it was a blast. But not as much as a blast as I had had on that loo. :)
I have another story that happened to me in austria, also involving a loo. Basically I flushed the fragrance holder that latches onto the rim down the the loo, and it blocked everything. The family i was staying with were my sister in laws, and I had to break the news to them, in German. I thought I could hide it, but again, I thought it was better to be honest. The next day I noticed they had locked the toliet from the outside so no one could get in. :)
Has something funny happen to me the other day.
Had to go for annual medical in work, at the end nurse asked me for urine sample and gave me a flimsy plastic cup.
Went to the bathroom, filled the cup about half way (rest down the toilet). Went to wash my hands. Picked the cup up and saw a few drops around the edge, looked a bit unhygenic so I thought I know, whilst drying my hands under the blow drier I'll just pass the cup under drying the rim.
Oops.
Well b*gger me if it didn't explode. P1ss everywhere, up the walls, running down the mirror and over my arms. Was like a fountain. Not a good day, was really struggling to keep a straight face when I left the bathroom.
This thread is awsome.... :)
When I was about 7 my brother, his friend and myself thought it would be a good idea to place a house brick on top of the garden gate so when the avenue bully walked through it would fall on his head (we were young and frankly quit stupid) but you can see where this is going.. So after about 10 minutes I somehow got into an argument with my brother and promptly stormed off through the gate....
The last thing I remember was looking down at my white polo shirt that was now half red with my own blood.. :)
You'd think I would learn my lesson but no.. A year or so later after breaking my arm on a skiing trip I thought it would be a good idea to slide down the playground steps railing (Bart Simpson style) half way down and with only one hand for balance I fell backwards splitting my head open on the corner of the stone steps..
Some more stiches and another polo shirt ruined..
Ok this happend just the other day. At me mates house and asks me to drive cause he was lazy so I jump in the drivers seat, strap meself in and just stare at him. He likes what you looking at me like that? I says well are we going then on or what he looks at me funny and says your in the drivers seat you idiot! I'm like ooooh o yeah duh, started up and drove away.
I'm not gonna hear the last of this for quite a while! :(
Quite a few years ago i tried re-filling a lighter for the first time, not seeming to have any luck getting the gas in for some reason i think if i try lighting it while filling i will know if the gas is going in . . . . . seconds later i was there with singed eyebrows as the gas escaping from the refill ignited! :twak:
buster123467
21-05-08, 22:12
Has something funny happen to me the other day.
Had to go for annual medical in work, at the end nurse asked me for urine sample and gave me a flimsy plastic cup.
Went to the bathroom, filled the cup about half way (rest down the toilet). Went to wash my hands. Picked the cup up and saw a few drops around the edge, looked a bit unhygenic so I thought I know, whilst drying my hands under the blow drier I'll just pass the cup under drying the rim.
Oops.
Well b*gger me if it didn't explode. P1ss everywhere, up the walls, running down the mirror and over my arms. Was like a fountain. Not a good day, was really struggling to keep a straight face when I left the bathroom.
omg ten mins on and im still laughing just seem like something i could think of doing lmao im still going
Has something funny happen to me the other day.
Had to go for annual medical in work, at the end nurse asked me for urine sample and gave me a flimsy plastic cup.
Went to the bathroom, filled the cup about half way (rest down the toilet). Went to wash my hands. Picked the cup up and saw a few drops around the edge, looked a bit unhygenic so I thought I know, whilst drying my hands under the blow drier I'll just pass the cup under drying the rim.
Oops.
Well b*gger me if it didn't explode. P1ss everywhere, up the walls, running down the mirror and over my arms. Was like a fountain. Not a good day, was really struggling to keep a straight face when I left the bathroom.
Hahahahahahaa, just noticed that....
Quite a few years ago i tried re-filling a lighter for the first time, not seeming to have any luck getting the gas in for some reason i think if i try lighting it while filling i will know if the gas is going in . . . . . seconds later i was there with singed eyebrows as the gas escaping from the refill ignited! :twak:Many many years ago (before my Dad knew I smoked) I filled my Zippo from a can he kept in the garage.
Not realising that there would be loads of fumes around 'cos I had filled it IN the garage, I tested it. :blink: :bang:
Nearly set fire to his Daimler SP250 in the process. Luckily the flames on the bonnet went out pretty quick. :Pling:
Not mine, but close.
Some colleagues went over to Italy recently, in a chartered small eight seater jet. Taking off from Bournemouth, good flight, did their business then met the two pilots back at the airport.
Got back in the plane, buckled up, steps folded in and door shut...and off to taxi they went...or rather they didnt.
Revved up a couple of times, no go, tried again, no go. A couple of guys quipped that the pilots had left the wheel chocks in place, they all laughed, only to see the co-pilot come back, open the door, and....remove the chocks:d
All these memories of cockups!!
One of my proudest moments was when I worked at Ford's Powertrain R&D centre.
I shared a cubicle with a large chap who was, well, addicted to anything containing chocolate.
I came back from lunch with one of the new 4 finger kitkat orange limited edition chockie bars. I sat at my desk munching away and was just finishing the last morsels when my cubicle mate walked in.
"Ahhh, orange Kitkat" He said, "Give me a bit".
As I'd just finished it, and feeling a bit guilty, I decided to cheer him up with a display of how a Kitkat has all the 'paraphenalia' for a chocoholic.....
So I rolled up the paper outer wrapper and stuck it in my mouth, crumbled the last bits of chocolate onto the silver foil and pulled out my gas lighter to get it smoking.
Just as I lit the lighter under the foil the Powertrain Engineering Director of Ford Europe walked in with my Mananger, just in time to see the lighter (set on full blast) ignite and flames curl around the side of the foil, singing my eyebrows :blink:
"Oh! Right" says the director, and walks out again. :D
The look my manager gave me was priceless.
Smokey was my nickname from then on :innocent:
All these memories of cockups!!
One of my proudest moments was when I worked at Ford's Powertrain R&D centre.
I shared a cubicle with a large chap who was, well, addicted to anything containing chocolate.
I came back from lunch with one of the new 4 finger kitkat orange limited edition chockie bars. I sat at my desk munching away and was just finishing the last morsels when my cubicle mate walked in.
"Ahhh, orange Kitkat" He said, "Give me a bit".
As I'd just finished it, and feeling a bit guilty, I decided to cheer him up with a display of how a Kitkat has all the 'paraphenalia' for a chocoholic.....
So I rolled up the paper outer wrapper and stuck it in my mouth, crumbled the last bits of chocolate onto the silver foil and pulled out my gas lighter to get it smoking.
Just as I lit the lighter under the foil the Powertrain Engineering Director of Ford Europe walked in with my Mananger, just in time to see the lighter (set on full blast) ignite and flames curl around the side of the foil, singing my eyebrows :blink:
"Oh! Right" says the director, and walks out again. :D
The look my manager gave me was priceless.
Smokey was my nickname from then on :innocent:
Quality :D
A kid at work just reminded me of my own silly moment. When I was 17 I worked at an opticians full of women (I was the only guy) and one of them looked really fed up so askedher what was up. "I've got the painters and decorators in" she replied. "Oh, what room are you having done?" I innocently asked. Cue some very knowing looks and smirks and a bewildered teenager.
A few years later a female friend mentioned it while grabbing a tampon from her bag and running through the house. That caused a flashback and I nearly died!
Gaz Walker
05-06-08, 20:01
"I've got the painters and decorators in" she replied. "Oh, what room are you having done?" I innocently asked. Cue some very knowing looks and smirks and a bewildered teenager.
:rlol:
Had a cup of tea and a cigarette, which always makes me want to go poo. It was a big painful one, and as I looked down in the pan to see what had given me so much grief moments before, my glasses fell off, landing pretty much smack on top of the monster.
Bu**er.
SupraStar 3000
31-07-08, 08:17
LMAO :rlol:
This thread is back too then :eyebrows:
There's no suppressing a quality thread IMO :)
TyranoSupraRex
31-07-08, 08:53
I was about 12, and my mum picked me up after school. My younger brother was still playing on the swings and my mum was down the road chatting to a mate, so getting bored, I decided to get into the car.
I got in the back seat (car was empty and all doors closed), and closed the door. Only problem was that I closed the door by putting my opposite hand through the slightly open window and pulling on the top frame, slamming all 4 of my fingers in the door from the outside in the process. The worst part was that the car had automatic windows, so I couldn't wind them down to shout for help and the child lock was on, so I couldn't open the door. I was stuck like that for about 10 minutes until someone heard me screaming and called my mum... :(
I had purple dents across all my fingers for about 3 weeks and cramps in my shoulder from being in such an awkward position for so long....
I was about 12, and my mum picked me up after school. My younger brother was still playing on the swings and my mum was down the road chatting to a mate, so getting bored, I decided to get into the car.
I got in the back seat (car was empty and all doors closed), and closed the door. Only problem was that I closed the door by putting my opposite hand through the slightly open window and pulling on the top frame, slamming all 4 of my fingers in the door from the outside in the process. The worst part was that the car had automatic windows, so I couldn't wind them down to shout for help and the child lock was on, so I couldn't open the door. I was stuck like that for about 10 minutes until someone heard me screaming and called my mum... :(
I had purple dents across all my fingers for about 3 weeks and cramps in my shoulder from being in such an awkward position for so long....
Ouuchhyyyy!!!
Kinda reminds me of the incident where I was about 11-12 and thought it would be interesting to see how our Dog feels while travelling in the Boot of our Car (Very old Ford Taurus). I got into the boot and slammed the lid shut, needless to say I didn't like it and started to freak out and hammered at the lid. Took my Parents 5 minutes to find the keys to let me out, in mean time I was sure I was going to die in there. LOL.
A few years back I lived with a girlfriend and her dog.
I went up the road with the dog to the corner shop to get some beers.
Came back with my Stellas etc, sat down, feet on the table, TV on, click & ssssshhhhhhh went the tin, and I proceeded drink.
About 15 minutes later gf asks "Where's the dog...?"
Right! Can down, feet off the table, grab the keys, out the door, back up the road...
Her little fluffy "you forgot me, didn't you?" face when I arrived was priceless.
I only did this twice.
A few years back I lived with a girlfriend and her dog.
I went up the road with the dog to the corner shop to get some beers.
Came back with my Stellas etc, sat down, feet on the table, TV on, click & ssssshhhhhhh went the tin, and I proceeded drink.
About 15 minutes later gf asks "Where's the dog...?"
Right! Can down, feet off the table, grab the keys, out the door, back up the road...
Her little fluffy "you forgot me, didn't you?" face when I arrived was priceless.
I only did this twice.
And then the GF dumped you for leaving her dog behind twice??? :D
And then the GF dumped you for leaving her dog behind twice??? :D
You read me like an open book :d
TyranoSupraRex
31-07-08, 10:24
Another: My friend was in a tree cutting off a branch that was hanging over his neighbours garden. He was cutting with his right but is left handed, so shifted his weight around to cut with his left, and sawed off the branch he was sitting on!!! He fell into the neighbours yard and the neighbour has a viscious dog that started to attack him!! I was in tears for about 10 minutes when he told me :rlol:
You read me like an open book :d
;)
Another: My friend was in a tree cutting off a branch that was hanging over his neighbours garden. He was cutting with his right but is left handed, so shifted his weight around to cut with his left, and sawed off the branch he was sitting on!!! He fell into the neighbours yard and the neighbour has a viscious dog that started to attack him!! I was in tears for about 10 minutes when he told me :rlol:
LOL if you're that kind of a Friend I would hate to have you as my Enemy, but it does sound Funny ;)
TyranoSupraRex
31-07-08, 11:56
;)
LOL if you're that kind of a Friend I would hate to have you as my Enemy, but it does sound Funny ;)
I can't help laughing at other people getting injured... sick I know :) I just find silly things funny.
I got married for a second time, does that qualify?:innocent:
I seem to be having a stream of blonde moments of late the most recent of which was locking my car-keys in the boot of the car, in the car park of a hotel, had to call the RAC to break into the car!
Was on a shopping trip with my mum, she hasn't stopped ribbing me yet! I hope this was the last - I am giving my friends and family far too much 'ammunition'!
adnanshah247
10-11-08, 23:14
well with me, when ever im doing something silly cops are always there. the best one that leaves everyone laughing is i was really hungry and decided to buy a cheese ploughmans. i was driving down and took a bite and it tasted bloody rank! so wound down the window and sent that sandwich out! (littering i know piggish of me) cruised down to the traffic lights not paying attention to anything but what in front and when i stop theres a police car right next to me with both the officers looking at me with a shocked look. so i was like great im getting fined until he pointed to the windscreen, what was it? IT WAS MY DAMN CHEESE PLOUGHMANS SPLATTERED ALL OVER HIS WINDSCREEN. so embarassing i had to stand on the high street with every one watching while i was giving the stupid police astra a car wash with wet wipes! trust me ploughmans pickle is really sticky and cheese was stuck in the damn vents in the front!
a mate at work, got really drunk over the weekend... woke on sunday morning with a horrible taste in his mouth. Went to the bathroom to rinse out his mouth, and a load of shaving cream in the sink
and all over his toothbrush!! This had me in stitches this morning!!!! :rlol:
Never have a play fight at the side of a main road. Especially when using a plastic baseball bat, and wearing a balaclava!! I had a genuine reason for everything being in the boot of my sisters car at Halfords car park (back in the day!)... We were playing plastic baseball, and I used to do Mini-Stox, and happened to have a balaclava with crash helmet in the boot. There was a very simple equation... Plastic Baseball Bat + Balaclava + Main Road x Interfering petrol station attendant = Small grizzly bear from the rear of a dog section van, 3 rapid response units, 1 armed response unit and several very un-amused police officers!
Think the conversation ended with "Act your age, not your shoe size".... to which I replied "I'm only 15!"
That kinda went down like a sh!t sandwich! The lil blonde WPC was kinda cute though! :D
about 10years ago i was about to go on holiday with my parents and we had to put the family cat away to a boarding kennel, now, we didn't have a suitable 'container' to transport the cat to the kennel so we opted for a cardboard box, holes cut in the top and duck taped up (man that sounds cruel now, but it wasn't as bad as that sounded lol). we managed to pick the cat up easily enough but trying to get it in this box was absolute comedy, cartoon stylee, four paws outstretched on each corner of the box refusing to get put in this thing. It finally managed to escape us and legged it upstairs and under my bed.. so, i went up to get it, i reached under the bed and tried to pull it out when it started to go mental (you know what a cat is like, claws out, teeth out, attack mode on) unfortunatly..... my watch had got caught on it's collar... i couldn't just let it scarper off as i would of done.. it proceeded to rip the living sh*t out of my hand and arm untill i finnally managed to get my watch free.
in the end we did manage to get it in the box, which it almost destroyed on the journey to the kennal. I had to wear a bandage round my wrist and hand for a couple of weeks. :D
when I was a kid, my guinea pig pegged it out of his hutch and into the garage whilst I was feeding him. I couldn't find the little fella anywhere and sat down on a rolled up rug to ponder over the possibilities...... (wondering what I was gonna tell my dad more like).
A year later dad took some stuff to the tip including the stinky old rug. Well, when he chucked it onto the tip, it unrolled and out flew my little mate, like a big, long crispy frisbee.
My dad said it looked about 6 foot long.
Shame.
when I was a kid, my guinea pig pegged it out of his hutch and into the garage whilst I was feeding him. I couldn't find the little fella anywhere and sat down on a rolled up rug to ponder over the possibilities...... (wondering what I was gonna tell my dad more like).
A year later dad took some stuff to the tip including the stinky old rug. Well, when he chucked it onto the tip, it unrolled and out flew my little mate, like a big, long crispy frisbee.
My dad said it looked about 6 foot long.
Shame.
:rlol: I'm crying with laughter - sorry!! :D
when i was in the army we had a lad who was an absolute gobsh**e about everything,the sort that knew about everything and wouldnt listen to any advice, one day when we were out having a smoke he went to change some batteries on my rocket launcher, i warned him not to touch the bodywork with the spanner cos he'll complete the curcuit and could kill himself but the cocky little sod werent having any of it, so no surprise that a few mins later we hear an almighty bang folled by a thud as he flew about 10 foot from the launcher with spanner in hand,was so funny we just carried on smoking and left him too it lol, another day he called one of my mates and old ba****d then turned round to run away but ran straight into a door of one of the launchers with the cab tilted forward knocking the little sod out :D
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