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View Full Version : Joke time...


Scotster
22-04-08, 21:01
Guy is down the pub with his mates moaning about his wife. He comments that if he could get her bumped off for a decent fee he would consider it to get the insurance money and "rid of that old bag for good". His mates all laugh so he does too then makes his way to the bathroom. While in there a man walks up to him and asks if he would really like his wife bumped off. He says that he would consider it if the price was right. The guy handed him a piece of paper with a number on it and tells him to call Arti as he loves doing that sort of thing.

The guy forgets all about it after a few more pints and goes home to his wife. He gets his ears bashed virtually until she goes to bed so he has a few more halfs then remembers the number he was given. He hastily opens it up and dials it. A man answers and he asks "Arti"?? The man on the other side asks who it is and the guy explains that he is looking to get his wife seen to. Arti is well up for this and when asked what payment he would need he replies "a quid should do it". The guy wonders about this but Arti explains how much he loves doing it and he would be happy to. The guy decides to go along with it and describes his wife with payment to be made after the deed is done. He also tells Arti that his wife shops every friday at the local tesco's and will be there about 6 o clock.

On the Friday the wife is shopping as usual when suddenly a man comes up and strangles her, she falls to the floor dead and the man has an evil grin on his face. He turns around and grabs another woman and strangles her. Crazed and clearly getting off on this he turns and strangles yet another woman before he see's the guards running at him so he bolts out the door and down the street.

The next day the same headline was in almost every paper...

"Arti chokes 3 for a pound in Tesco"

I know i know, i'll apologise now :p

Pot
22-04-08, 21:51
17 Views, 1 Reply (This)...

Enough said fella, sorry...

AndrewOW
22-04-08, 22:06
This joke's so old, my granddad told it to me when I was really quite young. It wasn't particularly good then, either!

Must try harder :)

Ewen
22-04-08, 22:08
:) I know how it feels...the sudden rush of excitement as you type away, the rosy glow that comes when you know you are going to get at least two pages of giant green smilies...after all, its the funniest newest most greatest joke anyones ever told you and you just cant wait to share it.....you break a nail as you smash the send button, but you feel no pain, the adrenaline courses through your veins as you sit and wait intently for the torrent of appreciation your masterpiece will surely attract...
But no, not a sausage...not even a tumbleweed...
Fail.

marcAB10
22-04-08, 22:13
:) I know how it feels...the sudden rush of excitement as you type away, the rosy glow that comes when you know you are going to get at least two pages of giant green smilies...after all, its the funniest newest most greatest joke anyones ever told you and you just cant wait to share it.....you break a nail as you smash the send button, but you feel no pain, the adrenaline courses through your veins as you sit and wait intently for the torrent of appreciation your masterpiece will surely attract...
But no, not a sausage...not even a tumbleweed...
Fail.

lol at this ONLY ^^ :D

grahamc
22-04-08, 22:35
get your bloody coat! :rolleyes:

Havard
22-04-08, 23:06
http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/7856/8461failgy4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

RobSheffield
22-04-08, 23:08
:) I know how it feels...the sudden rush of excitement as you type away, the rosy glow that comes when you know you are going to get at least two pages of giant green smilies...after all, its the funniest newest most greatest joke anyones ever told you and you just cant wait to share it.....you break a nail as you smash the send button, but you feel no pain, the adrenaline courses through your veins as you sit and wait intently for the torrent of appreciation your masterpiece will surely attract...
But no, not a sausage...not even a tumbleweed...
Fail.

:)

RedM
22-04-08, 23:14
http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r262/RedM_Supra/royalFail.jpg

Scotster
23-04-08, 09:04
I already apologised at the beginning, i thought it was my turn to tell a bad joke. Seen enough of them floating around.

Good effort on the response though Ewan, made me smile even if the joke didn't.

Ewen
23-04-08, 19:53
Good effort on the response though Ewan, made me smile even if the joke didn't.
:) Ewen...Think female sheep, add an n. You are not the first, and wont be the last to get it wrong. Even my wife does.
My boss calls me Ewing, my old foreman called me Urine. Ive had 'Yuin or yuout', 'Yuanme' and 'Yuwin some yulose some'. The more imaginative came up with Owen Fester (my surname is Foster), and Mister Fister stuck for years. Ewans close enough in the circumstances, although theres a large clue above my avatar.

Scotster
23-04-08, 19:56
:) Ewen...Think female sheep, add an n. You are not the first, and wont be the last to get it wrong. Even my wife does.
My boss calls me Ewing, my old foreman called me Urine. Ive had 'Yuin or yuout', 'Yuanme' and 'Yuwin some yulose some'. The more imaginative came up with Owen Fester (my surname is Foster), and Mister Fister stuck for years. Ewans close enough in the circumstances, although theres a large clue above my avatar.


You had me at Ewen ;)