View Full Version : Club Competition #2
paul ashton
24-02-07, 00:06
shouldnt you all be in bed by now?
Yes!
Ned another brandy - BIAB
*sings minder theme song*
WHAT IS IT CALLED WHEN A WOMAN IS PARALYZED FROM THE WAIST DOWN?
Marriage.
What do you call a man who can't find the caps lock?
Thick.
;)
moistfinger
24-02-07, 00:06
Cremate Me
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, "Now you have everything."
China has more English speakers than the United States.
I'm going to be gutted tomorrow when all this was for nothing :D
that bird on ITV now is fit :) why am i strangly drawn into watching that crap!
Thatll be the beer and the fit bird on the tv ;)
i aint waking up tomorrow,im gonna sleep all day
shall i wash the car tomorrow?
everyone theres a supra on ebay running 850bhp, no reserve up in 10 minutes!!!! no bids yet and startin at £500!!
sorry no link
paul ashton
24-02-07, 00:07
Punnani.
A young man from a good family deviated into necrophilia and cannibalism, then lured boys to his apartment to be murdered and maimed.
R3DG3CKO ROB
24-02-07, 00:07
I'm sorry.... are you a fu*king doctor???
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds dogs only have about ten.
ok how fast is this going
moistfinger
24-02-07, 00:08
the carburettor
"The car won't start," aid a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburettor."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburettor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburettor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool."
RobSheffield
24-02-07, 00:08
Doh, the lights on offer are pre facelift, i have facelift on mine!
at least theres alot of people posting
paul ashton
24-02-07, 00:08
everyone theres a supra on ebay running 850bhp, no reserve up in 10 minutes!!!! no bids yet and startin at £500!!
sorry no link
Post thread
everyone theres a supra on ebay running 850bhp, no reserve up in 10 minutes!!!! no bids yet and startin at £500!!
sorry no link
lol
Thatll be the beer and the fit bird on the tv ;)
you mean the cup of tea and the fact her boobies are about to fall out!
Our eyes are always the same size from birth but our nose and ears never stop growing.
ok my firefox is going to melt
Fishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfish
R3DG3CKO ROB
24-02-07, 00:09
Not without lubrication...
Fishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfish
This gentle-looking, benevolent grandfather cleverly lured children to their death, then devised recipes to eat them. This cannibal model for Hannibal Lector is a study in criminal psychology and a true enigma. His wife thought him to be a wonderful husband and his children believed him to be a model father. What inner torments caused him to drive many spikes into his pelvis and tell people that he looked forward to his execution?
Sir reganald montague the third
itl be declared as an april fools if it keeps going on any longer!
After a quiet start, last week's weather was dominated by a front that brought rain and gales to Northern Ireland and Scotland but interestingly failed to make it across the whole of the United Kingdom.
By the middle of the week it had stalled in a position stretching from the northeast to the southwest of England and there it lingered wobbling about but never moving very far. It finally died a death becoming little more than an area of thicker cloud by Sunday.
After a brief but very snowy cold snap the previous week, last week grew steadily milder with highs reaching 14C in the warmest spots.
Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree ?
A. Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob !
R3DG3CKO ROB
24-02-07, 00:09
what stairs???
spam,your all goin too fast for me
How big are our carbon footprints?
beef and tomato or chicken and mushroom?
Edmund Kemper had a terrible temper
Q. What do elephants use for tampoons ?
A. Sheep.
This gentle-looking, benevolent grandfather cleverly lured children to their death, then devised recipes to eat them. This cannibal model for Hannibal Lector is a study in criminal psychology and a true enigma. His wife thought him to be a wonderful husband and his children believed him to be a model father. What inner torments caused him to drive many spikes into his pelvis and tell people that he looked forward to his execution?
Eh?? No time to stop and understand that just at the moment sorry! :p
moistfinger
24-02-07, 00:10
Extra Office Work
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary.
He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"
The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."
paul ashton
24-02-07, 00:10
have I won yet
No matey,i have,go to bed.
have we reached the winning number yet?
Q. What's the brown stuff between the elephants toes ?
A. Slow natives.
so tied i bet i will end up posting to quick. ;)
RobSheffield
24-02-07, 00:11
If i win, can i not have the lights, but can i have some money towards a new mouse - scroll wheel just died :(
win·ner /ˈwɪnər/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[win-er] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. a person or thing that wins; victor.
—Idiom
2. winner take all, a situation or outcome whereby the winner receives all the prizes or rewards.
R3DG3CKO ROB
24-02-07, 00:11
only yesterday you referred to me as a cancerus pollip on the anus of humanity!!!!
beef and tomato definatly
Q. What's better than roses on your piano ?
A. Two lips on your organ ...
wow, thought i missed this one, has anyone won yet?!
paul ashton
24-02-07, 00:11
panty hose
This is gonna sail straight past 1500 posts
considering there are no mods watching. how do we know when to stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what did the bus driver say to the nun?
http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1169988171-1168721409864.jpg
Q. What's yellow ugly and sleeps alone ?
A. Yoko Ono.
R3DG3CKO ROB
24-02-07, 00:12
I'm sooo excited... all six of my nipples are tingling :)
wing dinga linga dang dong
It never ends, the energy used to post all this is being used to power the sauna in Mod Towers.
moistfinger
24-02-07, 00:12
The Taxi Driver
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'
'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed!'
paul ashton
24-02-07, 00:12
what did the bus driver say to the nun?
Fcuk off you tart.
Either my comp or the forum can't keep up with this!
Q. What do you call an Irishman with four 'O'-levels ?
A. A liar.
RobSheffield
24-02-07, 00:13
considering there are no mods watching. how do we know when to stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We may be on here for days before they come and rescue us :(
whats white and if it falls outta a tree will kill you?
a fridge
Are you really going to post stuff for 200 more posts?
wow, thought i would be the only one awake atm, and im quite hammered!
We may be on here for days before they come and rescue us :(
Unfortunately you could be right :d
come on broadband stay up.
Bang bang Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon her head...
Q. How can you tell if a woman is wearing tights ?
A. If she farts, her ankles swell.
paul ashton
24-02-07, 00:14
We may be on here for days before they come and rescue us :(
No chance of that,i've just won,yeah!
When your balls hang low and they got no place to go and you get this funny feeling that they are hanging from the ceiling.
whats all this about 1500 posts! who made that up :blink:
R3DG3CKO ROB
24-02-07, 00:15
Can you fly bobby?
buhuuuu... I'm going :crazy:
whats all this about 1500 posts! who made that up :blink:
winning post is between 1000 and 1500 isnt it?
moistfinger
24-02-07, 00:15
is it michael jackson
little boy : mummy is god a girl or a boy?
mummy: why god is both girl and boy
little boy: mummy is god black or white?
mummy: why god is both black and white
little boy: mummy is god gay or strait?
mummy: why god is both gay and strait
little boy: mummy is god Michael Jackson?
http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1161382095-1160262190890.jpg
Bang bang Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that she was dead.
The day shift folks are going to be mighty annoyed when they wake up and see they missed the boat :)
its all a scam set up by the mods to keep us up till as ltae as poss
R3DG3CKO ROB
24-02-07, 00:15
twice....
I promise if I win I will sell the prize to the highest bidder :)
Feb 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
paul ashton
24-02-07, 00:16
I wanna go to bed:baby:
iv just won..................i wish
R3DG3CKO ROB
24-02-07, 00:16
what do i win again???
I've got a luverly bunch of
AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH........pc overload :bang:
I wanna go to bed:baby:
Have patience, my padowan apprentice
Stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
ive jus had the confirmation email, ive won!"!!!!
paul ashton
24-02-07, 00:16
just a few more mins
or hours
R3DG3CKO ROB
24-02-07, 00:17
I didn't know they stacked shit that high!!!
All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.
Wheat is meat
Wheat is murder then?
moistfinger
24-02-07, 00:17
Daughters are curious~~~
A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness.
Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, "What are those round things hanging there, daddy?"
Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life.
Without them we wouldn't be here."
Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said.
To which mommy asks, "Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?"
paul ashton
24-02-07, 00:17
countdown
10
wow bed time, room spinning
Stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
How did you find that out? LOL
Stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
typewriters the longest on the top line of the keyboard
4 arms but only 7 fingers
Almonds are members of the peach family.
RobSheffield
24-02-07, 00:17
woohoo
whats all this about 1500 posts! who made that up :blink:
I thought thats what was said at the start?
All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.
i thought it was 9pm
R3DG3CKO ROB
24-02-07, 00:18
not again!!!
winning post is between 1000 and 1500 isnt it?
oh yeh just read the first post again! silly me
So near, but yet sooooo far
moistfinger
24-02-07, 00:18
I Thought You Were My Wife
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up
her skirt and began fondling her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
Every time you lick a stamp youre consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
It's not bread, it's skin silly!
rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
R3DG3CKO ROB
24-02-07, 00:19
Shit!!!1 i've just realised that I've got instant email notifications set up for this thread!!!
and they go to my work address!!!
I got hot chocolate....bow down before me :eyebrows:
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